If *Sex and the City *is anything to go by, New York in the early noughties was bascially just a veritable shit pit of over-priced, under-tabled and pretentious-as-wank bars, restaurants and clubs. All of which Carrie Bradshaw visited. Obvs. Here’s our picks of the worst of the worst. Read on OR YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT SAMBA.
La Douleur Exquise
The S&M club that Samantha does the PR for some time in season one. We’re all for a rump steak but when that rump is on a man dressed in leather gimp stuff who’s dangling his balls dangerously close to your coq au vin, we’ll get the check please.
The one with the shit waiting concept
When Carrie shows up late to meet Aiden, (RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD IN HEELS LOOKING COQUETTISHLY AROUND FOR A TAXI DOESN’T MAKE YOUR TARDINESS ANY CUTER CARRIE) they lose their table that Aiden’s carefully reserved. ‘We’ll be at the bar’ says Aiden. ‘I’ll put your name on the list for the bar’ responds the smuggity smug smug door bitch. There is a wait to wait. Fuck that.
The one with a key
Bungalow 8 is so hip hop happening you need a KEY to get in. Luckily Carrie makes friends with a guy who has one. Not really sure what they’re getting so excited about though TBH. You need a key to get into my house and you don’t see people queing around the block for it. Even when my flatmates' rendition of Whitney's The Greatest Love of All is emanating from within.
The one with beds
Also known as the one where Carrie goes after Berger breaks up with her on a Post-it note (did ya hear about that guys? Did ya? She kept it pretty quiet). Sipping cocktails on a bed is fine for the people that get the edge part but the poor soul who has to clamber into with middle with Cosmo and heels? That’s not going to end well.
The one with non-cooked food that’s (ironically) a meat market
Twelve years on from this episode and the raw food movement is still a thing (yay…). Sadly, they no longer make up for the lack of meat their restaurant serves but employing waiters made purely of beefcake. Smith Jarrod; you got the raw food movement going but my God, what are you going to do to stop it?
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.