Happily watching Orange Is The New Black Season 3 on Netflix whilst scoffing unnecessary snacks is what we do best. But if we actually ever got sent to jail and were forced to live there for a fraction of our lives, WTF would we take with us?
(FYI: this list comes with a SPOILER alert!)
A book (RIP Litchfield Library)
Thanks to the loss of Litchfield Library, we'd defo be mourning a good few brain cells if we didn't have any literary stimulation. We LOL'ed at Taystee and Poussey's discussion of Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland, so maybe we'd take that.
Hair straighteners
We're all for experimenting with new 'dos, but there comes a time when loo roll curlers just ain't gonna cut it anymore. Thanks to our faithful ghds, we can curl and straighten our locks. Watch out, Sophia...
Eyelash curlers
Mascara goes all gloopy and gross after a couple of months. So in the long run, smuggling in eyelash curlers would most definitely be more beneficial in faking a fresh-faced look.
A 2-in-1 toothpaste and toothbrush
We've nicked enough of them from hotels in the past, so one of those cute little packs containing a toothbrush and toothpaste is a must. Just watch out for Pennsatucky - she might nab it for herself. Remember her gnashers pre tooth-job?
Sweet snacks
You're more likely to find a lifetime of long-lost Kirby grips than sweets and choc in the slammer. We know it contradicts the whole toothbrush thing, but a severe shortage of snacks would make us very unhappy inmates indeed.
Tweezers
Unfortunately, we can't all rock the Cara Delevingne look. We get panicky if we forget our tweezers on hols, let alone a long-term jail stint.
Hot sauce
Red and Gloria do their best, but the thought of prison din-dins isn't particularly appealing, so we'd need some added spice. Remember Piper's tampon sandwich? Vom.
Onesie
Prison pyjamas don't look the comfiest in terms of nightwear. So we'd be taking our fave onesie. It's snuggly and has bear ears. Do not judge.
Earplugs
Unless you fancy waking up to Crazy Eyes peeing next to you at 3am, earplugs come highly recommended.
Flip-flops
Imagine the gym showers. BUT A HUNDRED TIMES WORSE. We'll be ditching clumps of hair in between our toes for some nice flip-flops. Is a pedi too much to ask for?
More OITNB essential gossip:
5 questions we're asking about the new season of Orange is the New Black
Penitentiary partying at Orange Con: here's everything you need to know
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.