I’ve always loved The Hills, from the moment it arrived on MTV in the summer of 2006 I was, then aged 22, captivated by the fashion (strapless tops, skinny jeans, ballet flats and a beanie balanced on the back of your head? Sure!) and the lifestyle (so much so I moved to Los Angeles four years later, and even looked at an apartment in the Hillside complex featured on the show - it’s not as fancy as it looks on screen). Now, 18 years later, I decided to rewatch The Hills from series one.
Here are the things I learned:
1. Spencer was actually a gift: I remember hating Spencer Pratt with a passion when he first arrived in season two. From his insistence on referring to Heidi in the third person, to his terrifying fake smile whenever he encountered Heidi’s mum Darlene. ‘What an angel!’ he gurns looking back at Heidi after she excuses herself to go to the bathroom during an awkward family dinner in Crested Bute, Colorado (this is all after Spencer has sullied his reputation by having shots with a band of Playboy Playmates at Area whilst Heidi pretends to be away for the weekend, yet jumps out and catches him red-handed). Yet, in retrospect, The Hills would have been nothing without Spencer and his bastard ways. Looking back, Spencer Pratt appears to have been one of the savviest of all the cast members, realising that playing the villain would get him screen time and A LOT of fame. The fact he and Heidi are still together actually blows my mind.
2. Lauren and Brody literally never dated - The supposed main romance of series two and three, between Lauren and Brody Jenner (never ever forget that he was the first famous member of the Kardashian-Jenner tribe), was all completely faked for the cameras. Lauren has since admitted that she never really saw Brody as anything more than a friend, yet we were subjected to weeks and weeks of long lingering looks, sad music and drama as Lauren was repeatedly ‘rejected’ by the wrap-around-shade-wearing Brody.
3. It’s so obvious Heidi doesn’t work at Bolthouse Productions- Brent Bolthouse played a blinder getting his events management company on this show, he ran all of the hottest clubs in West Hollywood and ran the list for the most exclusive red carpets. Heidi Montag never worked there, though, despite filming multiple scenes in their office - looking back on them, it's clear she's never actually doing anything except arguing with Spencer on her flip phone - and being given a pretend office to herself after a major promotion in season one. She never really got that promotion over her colleague Elodie though. Heidi has said, ‘I definitely did not get the promotion over Elodie! She really worked there and I pretend worked there, so it was obviously a pretend promotion for her to be upset about. That whole plot was scripted.’ We’ve been living a Hills-based lie all this time.
4. I don't understand why the Paris trip was such a big deal- As Teen Vogue’s West Coast Director Lisa Love always says, Lauren will 'always be know as the girl who didn’t go to Paris'. Only, the trip which was built up to be the most life changing experience of all time for an entire summer was actually a ten day trip and Lauren could have done both that AND move into a Malibu beach house with her then-boyfriend Jason. That wouldn’t have been quite as dramatic though, and the concept of being the girl who didn't go to Paris wouldn't have become a chapter of pop culture legend. (Side note: in the end she did neither because she and Jason split up).
5. Why did Lauren wear an Alberta Ferreti gown to a dive bar? The next series saw Lauren FINALLY getting the opportunity to go to Paris after all. Shockingly, things didn’t go to plan! Lauren and Whitney get invited out to a club by a band so Noughties they’re wearing women’s skinny jeans and Vivienne Westwood pirate boots. They’re also called Rock&Roll. The lead singer Matthias (who has since revealed he was specifically hired to play Lauren’s love interest but she wouldn’t kiss him) invites the LA girls to a club and tells them it’s pretty fancy. So Lauren decides to take up her Alberta Ferreti dress, which is on loan to her for the Crillon Ball where she’s working for Vogue, with a sewing kit. On arrival at the club it’s clear it is very much not fancy, everyone’s smoking, and there’s booze spilling everywhere. Then Lauren burns a hole in her already dirty dress with a curling iron the next day. For some reason this whole Paris trip made me so deeply uncomfortable I had to fast forward.
6. Whitney’s looks still hold up - Whitney Port is a goddess and every single one of the outfits she wears in season one would still hold up now. I wish we could say the same for Audrina (who was v much still in an 'emo but make it fashion' phase) and Lauren who I’m pretty sure wears a puffball dress at one point. (Side note: Whitney falling over on Good Morning America in front of Andre Leon Talley was one of the most iconic reality moments of all time).
7. Stephanie Pratt is a reality queen- she betrayed her brother, and Heidi, to get more air time on the show, tried to style out a terrible fringe like a trouper, and added some much needed chaotic energy to the- let’s face it- basics of the OG cast.
8. I’m really glad they phased out the theme tune - Natasha Bedingfield’s 'Unwritten' will only ever mean one thing to all of us. But by season three the opening credits had been ditched and it comes as a surprisingly big relief.
9. Lauren Conrad is boring - I'm afraid to say that everyone's favourite Girl Next Door is actually a real drag. She's obsessed with the concept of a 'Best Friend' (always said with the emphasis on the capital letters, extra bonus points for a mascara stained tear running down one cheek as she says it) yet forgets to be a good one herself most of the time because she's so busy moaning about the various ways she's been wronged. I don't think you ever see her have any genuine fun in five whole seasons. It feels liberating to admit, but though she's one of the biggest reality stars of all time, and I'll always love her, Lauren Conrad is actually one of the most boring. She gives us nothing!