Did Hollywood Give Us Unrealistic Expectations About Mother-Daughter Relationships?

'I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom', asserts Mrs George. And thus, one of our beloved, nostalgia-fueled memes was born.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't come out the side of *Mean Girls, *a generation-defining and reference-heavy sensation, a little bit disappointed that my mum didn't saunter into my room wearing pink velour tracksuits, super eager to be pals with my pals, with a tray of hump day (alcohol-free) cocktails for me. As much of a stress as I'm sure it would've been for dear Regina after a time, at the very least it would've been one of the nicer things to resent your mother for.

READ MORE: Here Are All The Celebrity Cameos In Friends That You Missed The First Time Around

Looking back at the catalogue of films I watched in the nineties and noughties, if the the dynamic between a young woman and her mum is referenced at all, it's one of two things: catastrophic and dysfunctional (we're talking deep-rooted, raging resentment that is never fully put to bed until one day, differences are unexpectedly put aside and they suddenly see eye to eye), or the epitome of BFF aspirations that are actually really difficult to live up to IRL (hello, Gilmore Girls).

I grew up expecting at least one of the above from my mum, and got neither. Not through either of our faults (at least, not entirely) but because, at that age, I blithely assumed that what I saw on TV was an accurate depiction of everyone else's lives and thus making me feel really shit about mine for a time. Thank god I didn't have Instagram back then...

'You're ruining my life', Anna shouts in *Freaky Friday. *'I'd rather die than be like you', Merida screams in Disney's *Brave. *Cue the slammed doors, scowlly faces and long drawn out episodes of the silent treatment in every other fight scene between a mother and her teenage daughter on record.

Which is why I was weirdly disappointed when my big chance to release that Hollywood-worthy, pent up residual angst on my mum finally came along - I was sixteen and wanted to move to New York to be a dancer and she wasn't too enthusiastic - it didn't play out like it does on TV.

I gave her a thorough groan. I mumbled something about it being 'just so unfair' and held back my angry tears. Through gritted teeth, as she gave me that particular 'mum expression' that seems to befall every woman after giving birth, I frustratedly tried to explain that it did, in fact, make perfect sense for her to put up tens of thousands of pounds to fund my new life on the other side of the world. When she said no again, I left the room (there was no door to slam), retreated to bed (without actually being told to) and inwardly resented her lack of understanding of my dream for a few months.

The argument never came up again but we didn't make up either. We just resumed usual service and got on with our lives. No big kiss and make up scene where we hug, exclaim how much we mean to each other and candidly re-bond over a special in joke over a tub of our favourite ice cream. It was just, well, life.

You see, the bit that's missed out of the fights and reconciliation between the likes of the Rory and Loreli Gilmore, Alex and Clare Dunphy and Lily and Serena Van Der Woodson of the entertainment world, is the nothingness. The meh of indifference that sometimes comes with a relationship that lasts your whole life, with peaks and troughs, and highs and lows.

The 'meh' isn't always negative. If you're lucky its a companionable meh that both you and your mother share. Not quite indifference, but it's not fierce adoration or hatred either. It's just companionable interaction between you, and the woman who pushed you out of their vagina and fed you for eighteen years or so, but also stopped you from getting a tattoo when you were 15, which you're still kind of annoyed about now.

WATCH NOW: The Debrief Meets Saoirse Ronan From Lady Bird

Lady Bird comes close with this. It's one of the most recent hits purposefully about the intricacy of a young woman's relationship with her mother (and her best friend, too) but, SPOILER ALERT, the film couldn't come to an end without Lady Bird making amends with her upset and disassociated mother, could it? Hollywood can't let that relationship lie. If we've focusing on it at all, it needs to feel wholesome, complete and straight-forward. It needs at least a hint of Happily Ever After. Whereas in reality? They'd have had a couple of stilted conversations on the phone during her first term at college, and normally service would have wordlessly resumed during the Christmas holidays.

Whatever it is we have between ourselves and our mothers, it's anything but straight-forward, even if you do consider your mum to be her best friend in a way that rivals Rory and Lorelai Gilmore. Yes, it can be wonderful, affectionate and messy. But also? things get left unresolved, forgotten, over done, undone and confusing. And that's ok too.

For a long time I thought that my mum and I were meant to have A Thing. It could be positive or negative, but if we were going to have a relationship, it had have an anecdote-worthy schtick. But of course, it doesn't have to be that. It doesn't have to be anything. Because defining our relationships with our mothers by the Hollywood standards puts unwelcome pressure on the real deal. And let's be honest, the bond between mums and their little girls are complicated enough on their own.

**Follow Jazmin on Instagram **@JazKopotsha

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.