Made In Chelsea 15.5: The Boys Go Into The Woods, Harry And Sam Prince Fight Over Food, And For Ryan And Louise It’s Not Looking Good!

The real mystery of this episode is what all of these women are seeing in Sam Prince. Maybe he has a really great Uber rating...

Made In Chelsea

by Daisy Buchanan |
Published on

If it’s not too meta, I would like to begin this Made In Chelsea review by talking about an entirely different programme. A few months ago, BBC2 showed Feud, a dramatization of the tense and compelling rivalry that existed between the Hollywood stars Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. Thrillingly, it is rumoured that the next series of Feud will be all about Prince Charles and Princess Diana. With this in mind, I long for a Feud/MIC cross over, and there’s a particular pairing that I think would be perfect fodder for the producers.

We need to see Feud with Harry Baron and Sam Prince. They’re petty, they’re puffy, and they have delusions of grandeur. Sam Prince’s strange and florid foray into the world of fake tan is weirder and more theatrical than a Bette brow. Harry’s long suffering, eye rolling, head tilting carry on is begging for a Bashir profile, or at least a one pager from Andrew Motion. Perhaps they’re not big enough to warrant this level of attention, but then, maybe they are big, and it’s the pictures that got small.

Anyway, this edition of MIC is a proto-Feud, with a reverse Romeo and Juliet problem. We’re meeting Jemima, very best friend of Harry’s girlfriend, Melissa – and she just happens to be dating Sam Prince, Harry’s sworn enemy. So it begins with two houses, both alike in total lack of dignity.

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The B plot is, as always, significantly more entertaining – if a little laboured. ‘Hey!’ says Boulle, over breakfast, as he watches Alik order and eat pancakes for the table. ‘Do you know how many people die of air pollution in London every year! 10,0000! I have a place in Wiltshire! Let’s go camping in the countryside!’ Charming. Not ‘do you want to come to my house?’ but ‘do you want to sleep outside my house, at your own expense, without proper access to plumbing and electricity?’

Jemima tells Melissa about Sam Prince, who has managed to hook up with quite a lot of other girls while they were getting together. To the disappointment of everyone involved in making the programme, Jemima is admirably unfussed about this, but we imagine this will not be allowed to continue for long. Sam Prince is bragging about his ‘bird’ to Miles, when they bump into Harry who is wearing a coat with a sheepskin collar that is roughly the size of Belgium. There is space for a complex eco system. Tiny civil wars could be conducted across his lapels. Whenever he hangs the coat on the back of a chair, he probably concusses thousands of miniature people who have gone blind from lace making.

If Sam Prince had any sense, he’d embrace Harry, mafia style, and leave trails of Pepto Bismol tan all over the snowy white fleece. Harry remonstrates with Miles for talking about Digby and his ex – ‘in this group, if you say one thing to one person, it causes problems,’ In Chelsea, the rules are somewhere between quasi-religious sex cult and miserable houseshare with teabag rationing. I bloody hope that Digby has done something with Miles’ ex, only because it will redeem this unbearably tedious storyline.

Ryan and Louise are having problems that are ostensibly about Alik, but really about Louise’s failure to buy cards and gifts when Ryan is blowing his entire protein budget on romantic treats. Also, Ryan is upset that none of the anniversary ‘went smoothly’ which makes me long to know exactly what happened at the theatre. Did Mike Pence turn up?

Boulle leads the bois around the woods of old Amersham, and Biscuits complains volubly. It’s as though he’s never actually been outside before, and expected everything to be covered by a lovely airconditioned biodome, like in Centre Parcs. We learn Boulle has a scouting Arrow Of Light award (‘it has, like, an arrow in it’) and that Biscuits hates fresh air so much that he’d sooner sit in a pub while wearing a head torch. I’m hoping this is a ruse, and he wants to shame his inhospitable friend for making him spend three hundred quid in Millets. The rest of the boys troop off until a sad, chilly Boulle finds them in the local and starts scratching at the window.

Everyone is so delighted to be warm and indoors that they allow Alik to ramble on at length about Louise’s relationship with Ryan. Sam Thompson, loyal brother, sells Louise out for her lack of gratitude and hardness, but Biscuits quietly says ‘She’s our old friend. I care about Louise, I hope she’s OK.’ Biscuits’ humanity puts him in a truly lovely light. Still, maybe that’s the head torch. Biscuits is also surprisingly wise about mental health matters. ‘Fishing isn’t therapy. Therapy is therapy.’ Quite!

Mimi has suddenly become Sam Prince and Miles’ yoga instructor, and after doing one leg stretch and getting a bit hot, she grills Sam about Jemima. ‘THAT’S AMAZING, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!’ she yells! Did she mention, she’s got a boyfriend? Sam gets the text about Jemima’s proposed double date with Melissa and Harry, and Mimi invites herself along! Such fun! Of course, the dinner is slightly less successful than Linda Barker’s attempt to build a floating shelf unit for a collection of antique teapots.

Within about 45 seconds, Harry and Sam Prince are screaming at each other for being ‘fake’ and ‘average’. It’s weird that they hate other so much and yet they’ve elected to wear almost identical shirts. It’s Gentle Ben who attempts to calm everyone down, saying ‘I like hanging out with all of you!’ which stops the nonsense for a moment before Harry and Sam resume their nonsense, looking and sounding like a pair of wind up toy ducks. Of course, when this scene is in Feud, red wine will be thrown, and Harry will flush Sam’s wig down the loo…)

Finally, the gang go to a party in a shop, which, in the context of the abortive attempt to camp, makes me concerned about the possibility of a dwindling show budget – and even Louise, not known for being a woman of the people, is horrified by a pair of shoes that cost eight hundred pounds. Sophie gently rebuffs Miles, suggesting he’s welcome to come back and try again in about 20 years, and Biscuits gently asks about Louise’s welfare before she has it out with Ryan. As Louise puts it, ‘Ryan is the dream boyfriend, apart from the fact that he will not admit he has ever done anything wrong.’ So, a nightmare. Still, it wouldn’t kill you to order the occasional Moonpig, no?

Harry confronts Jemima about Sam Prince’s extracurricular behaviour, just as Habbs is confronting Sam Prince with the rumour that he slept with one of her friends a week and a half ago. Poor Habbs. After Biscuits’ cruelly accurate impression last week, that voice is all I can hear. ‘I don’t think a boy like that is going to change,’ says Harry solemnly, conveniently forgetting that he used to mess girls around more than a Yodel van driver. The real mystery is what all of these women are seeing in Sam Prince. Maybe he has a really great Uber rating.

Hero of the week

I’m aware that I’m constantly castigating poor old Biscuits for his bad behaviour, so this week I want to praise him for being a good and kind friend. He has been unusually perceptive, empathetic and loyal in helping Louise, and it’s beautiful to behold. Also, fishing is rubbish and it’s very brave to point this out on national TV.

Villain of the week

Is it Harry, for being a bit of a hypocrite, or Sam Prince for being infuriating? Is it unfair to give it to Sam when his transgressions have not been proven, even though I would bet my piggybank on Sam having done something dodgy that Jemima doesn’t know about? Is it Melissa, and did she plot the terrible triple date with Machiavellian cunning and glee? Maybe her commitment to drama makes her a hero, after all? Bloody hell, I think I need a lie down.

MORE: The Made In Chelsea Cast Snapchat Usernames In Order Of Who We'd Like To Go For A Pint With


The Debrief Made In Chelsea Snapchat Usernames

MIC Snapchat Usernames1 of 17

17. James Dunmore: Snapchat username @jd6490

Note: If Lucy Watson ever found out (which, given her track record, most definitely), our head would be found severed on a stick and used to hang her guest's coats and fedora hats.

MIC Snapchat Usernames2 of 17

16. Victoria Baker-Harber: Snapchat username @VictoriaBH1

Note: She is terrifying and would probably throw said Peroni all over us because our nails didn't match our handbag.

MIC Snapchat Usernames3 of 17

15. Hugo Tayler: Snapchat username @hugo.tayler

Note: He is back with Millie Mack smoochin' her on extravagant holiday's and as much as we love her, he would definitely find a way to mention her eeeeevery 20 seconds.

MIC Snapchat Usernames4 of 17

14. Lucy Watson: Snapchat username @imlucywatson

Note: Lucy would call us up on that time when we were 13 and lied to our science teacher about losing our homework.

MIC Snapchat Usernames5 of 17

13. Alik Alfus: Snapchat username @alikalfus

Note: He is very meh, I think. Just meh.

MIC Snapchat Usernames6 of 17

12. Millie Wilkinson: Snapchat username @milliewilkinson

MIC Snapchat Usernames7 of 17

11. Alex Mytton: Snapchat username @Alex_Mytton

MIC Snapchat Usernames8 of 17

10. Stevie Johnson: Snapchat username @StevieJohnson23

MIC Snapchat Usernames9 of 17

9. Nicola Hughes: Snapchat username @nicolamhughes

MIC Snapchat Usernames10 of 17

8. Tiffany Watson: Snapchat username @Tiffanywatson04

MIC Snapchat Usernames11 of 17

7. Proudlock: Snapchat username @proudlockoliver

MIC Snapchat Usernames12 of 17

6. Sam Thompson: Snapchat username @samdecourcyt

MIC Snapchat Usernames13 of 17

5. Stephanie Pratt: Snapchat username @protsky

Note: Friday evening drinks would probably have us invited to her next trip to the Maldives

MIC Snapchat Usernames14 of 17

4. Louise Thompson: Snapchat username @louisethompson

Note: Her impressively mental wardrobe is to die for.

MIC Snapchat Usernames15 of 17

3. Jamie Laing: Snapchat username @jamielaing

Note: We want a massive teddy. If you follow him you'll get it...

MIC Snapchat Usernames16 of 17

2. Georgia 'Toff' Toffolo: Snapchat username @Georgiatoffolo

Note: How cute is Toff? Aaaaaaah.

MIC Snapchat Usernames17 of 17

1. Jessica Woodley: Snapchat username @jessicaannewood

Note: She is definitely someone we would wanna hang out with IRL and we recks she would make a great drinking partner.

Follow Daisy on Twitter @NotRollergirl

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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