Made In Chelsea 15.3: Who Will Biscuits Pick? Will James’ Donuts Do The Trick? And Does Liv Have The Ick?

There's something about glossy handbag shops that invites the Made In Chelsea cast to spill their deepest, dirtiest secrets

Made In Chelsea 15.3

by Daisy Buchanan |
Updated on

The retail experience can fill us with all sorts of funny feelings, and they’re not always expected or logical. Most shops are set up to make us believe that we could be our best, brightest, most powerful selves if we spend £129.99 on a cubic zirconium ear cuff, but veteran shoppers know that our reactions and emotions require some serious unpacking.

For example, and I’m sure she won’t mind me telling you – my Mum cannot be in a bookshop for more than ten minutes without desperately, urgently needing to go for a poo. Whenever I’m in a hardware shop, I have a strange and extreme craving for beans on toast. I have a friend who cannot visit a branch of Maplin without bursting into tears, although I think this is down to a semi repressed memory rather than the effect of discounted electronics upon her psyche. And so it is in on Made In Chelsea.

When any cast member visits a handbag shop, they are filled with an urge to unburden themselves of some controversial home truths. The purses are filled with secrets. Perhaps people see the pretend padlocks and zipped up pockets and subconsciously sense a safe space for locking down their darkest and dirtiest thoughts. However, this always ends badly. The handbags might keep schtum, but the other shoppers will tell everyone. So when Habbs takes Frankie to look at this season’s satchels and reveals that Digby really hates her, we know we’re staring down the barrel of something that’s going to snowball more alarmingly than The Beast From The East.

**WATCH: The Women Of Made In Chelsea Tell Us What Advice They'd Give To Their 17-Year-Old Selves **

Liv bumps into Frankie and Habbs and demands to know why Frankie didn’t make Digby’s birthday bash. Frankie tells Liv what she’s heard, inferring that it’s quite hard to pop to Clinton’s and pick up a card that says ‘Wishing you many substandard returns of the day, asshole!’ Liv clearly knows something is up because she’s come dressed to bury someone, wearing short gloves and sunglasses. She looks as though she’s coming from an unsuccessful audition with Luc Besson for a new musical with dancing assassins. ‘I was just filling her in, I don’t want to get involved!’ pleads Habbs. Yeah, yeah. And Donald Trump was asking Stormy Daniels about where to buy the best golf balls.

Melody and Clementine are bonding over Biscuits. They should be wallowing in the fact that they’ve both made him look worse than a home perm on a comb-over, but Melody is fretting about Biscuits’ bewildering ability to pack the first six months of a relationship into half an hour. ‘When we first met, I saw he’d been messaging people saying “She’s my South African wife!”’ wails Melody. Dude, surely that set off some serial alarm bells? Did you not immediately Google image search his picture with the words ‘serial bigamist’?

Melody has spotted a girl all over his social media, just as Biscuits is getting a call about a new girl he’s been seeing. ‘I want to keep it a bit private, a bit secret,’ says Biscuits, within the earshot of Boulle, 30 people eating brunch, and a full camera crew. Boulle clearly thinks Biscuits is being ridiculous – and it takes some doing to be the solemn, serious arbiter of good sense when you’re the one drinking from a glass handled jam jar.

Digby tells Louise, Mytton and Liv that he ‘fucking hates Frankie!’ before skipping off to an appointment, and leaving Liv to tell Louise and Mytton that after about three days of cohabiting, she’s starting to find Digby quite irritating – and the Frankie situation might be the last straw. As Mytton himself once said, ‘I don’t know why people keep telling me things!’ He’s a human bag of pop rocks, and we all know he’s going to explode into a foam fountain of bitchy gossip the second someone else’s saliva lands on him.

Meanwhile Mimi is planning a raunchy pyjama party, and while most of us would be worrying about catering, or how to hire a venue which will let you wear slippers in the smoking area, she’s gone straight to La Perla so that Toff, Sam Prince and James Taylor can help her pick out some sexy scanties. ‘I almost have a boyfriend, so you can’t be doing this!’ she says as the boys admire her corseted breasts. Mimi, you have invited the thirstiest men in Chelsea to come and watch you try on the contents of an erotic knicker shop. You might as well streak along the King’s Road with a vajazzle that reads ‘I’M SHY!’ Mytton, who needs to spill his gossip like a potty trained toddler needs to pee when they’re in the back of a car and 70 miles from the nearest service station, alights on Habbs. ‘Liv’s got the ick!’ Habbs says triumphantly, until I feel moved to contact the originator of the phrase, Olivia from Love Island, and tell her to invoice Habbs for fifty quid.

Habbs tells Frankie who immediately has a run in with Digby. ‘I would never say I hate you, I have better things to do,’ he claims. So why would Habbs tell Frankie that he did. ‘She has nothing better to do,’. Urghhh, Digby is more judgemental about how other people still spend their leisuretime than Netflix with their ‘are you still watching’? reminder. Frankie comes up with the glorious phrase, ‘closet wanker’, which, if taken literally, will presumably get him uninvited to the sexy pyjama party. Biscuits bumps into Melody and tries to make amends. ‘I’ve said to you a million times that I’m sorry.’ Actually, according to Melody, that time was the first. Biscuits then describes his new, super secret, tell-no-one girl Ell as ‘literally incredible’. My friend, neither of those words mean what you think they mean.

James Taylor decides that he fancies Toff, and turns up at her house with her lost phone case, and a box of donuts. Toff tries to look pleased to see James, and then looks genuinely delighted when she spots the donuts. Liv remains in assassin mode, and goes to Frankie’s house to shout at her for scaring off Digby – then has a big weepy chat with Digby, promising him their love is deep and ick-less. Thank goodness for that. Hopefully this is the end of Digby slagging off Frankie. I might post him a five thousand piece jigsaw of Corfe Castle, just to make sure that he definitely has better things to do.

Finally, it’s time for Mimi’s sexy party! It’s wild, it’s weird, and it’s no place for anyone who relies on hypoallergenic bed linen. Feathers abound! Ben finally declares his intention to make it serious with Mimi, and she responds with a squeal. ‘Yay! You’re my first boyfriend!’ which sort of stamps their relationship with an expiration point before it has begun – and makes poor Ben sound vaguely collectible. Gotta catch ‘em all!

Digby, in his very best BHS pyjamas, gives Liv the benefit of his latest carefully researched theory. Frankie is ‘just jealous’ and ‘probably fancies me’. Sure, Digby. How is that jigsaw coming along? James Taylor tells Toff he likes her, adding ‘my game is rubbish at the moment’ and he can’t tell if she’s into him. James – in fact, this goes out to the men of Chelsea and beyond – if a woman likes you, she will let you know. It won’t be ambiguous. If you’re not sure, it’s probably a no. Toff suggests a non-committal dinner, and manages to acquit herself with great grace for someone who is conducting a conversation while sat in a a bath. Louise and Melody try to shame an unrepentant Biscuits, who skips off to meet the mysterious Ell – a woman he likes a lot, yet not quite enough to make him change out of his pyjamas before dinner.

Hero of the week

I think it has to be Louise, for taking on the thankless task of playing Jiminy Cricket to Biscuits’ Pinocchio. Toff gets a special mention for treating James Taylor with a kindness that compensates for her lack of enthusiasm and for being the best dressed at the pyjama party. That nightgown! I’ve already bought three approximations of it from Zara.

Villain of the week

Let’s give it to Mytton, the loose lipped architect of everyone’s distress, Iago in a Reiss bomber jacket. If it wasn’t for Mytton, Liv and Frankie might be friends again. But then, if it wasn’t for Mytton there might not be a plot or programme, so I guess there’s lots to be grateful for.

MORE: Revisiting The Made In Chelsea Relationships You Definitely Forgot About


Reality TV couples you forgot about - stacked

Jamie and Louise1 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Jamie Laing and Louise Thompson

Remember when Jamie and Louise dated (much to Spencer Matthews' dismay) in 2012? Louise then left Jamie for Spencer, causing a very traumatic love triangle indeed. Poor Jamie.

TOWIE2 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Mark Wright and Lauren Goodger

Mark Wright and Lauren Goodger's romance played out in the first couple of seasons of TOWIE, and it even involved a very short-lived engagement! However, after dating on and off for 10 years, the pair later ended their romance and Mark went on to marry actress Michelle Keegan.

THE HILLS3 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

The Hills: Jason Wahler and Lauren Conrad

She chose him over Paris, but that didn't stop Lauren Conrad's romance with Jason Wahler coming to an abrupt end. Following their rocky romance, the pair split and Lauren later married William Tell.

Love Island: Kady McDermott and Scott Thomas4 of 31

Love Island: Kady McDermott and Scott Thomas

Before she joined the cast of TOWIE to date Myles Barnett in 2018, Kady McDermott appeared on Love Island in 2016, where she found love with Ryan and Adam Thomas' brother Scott. Things didn't work out when they left the villa, with the pair announcing their split in 2017.

Made In chelsea5 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Binky Felstead and Jamie Laing

Binks is now a mum to baby India, but remember when she dated Jamie Laing?!? After years of friendship, the two found it difficult to transition to an actual relationship, so decided to call it a day.

TOWIE6 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Lydia Bright and James 'Arg' Argent

Before he started dating Gemma Collins, James 'Arg' Argent and Lydia Bright were one of TOWIE's golden couples. After being on and off for years, the pair ended things for good in 2016. Meanwhile, Lydia gave birth a baby girl, Loretta Rose, in February 2020.

Love Island: Sam Gowland and Georgia Harrison7 of 31

Love Island: Sam Gowland and Georgia Harrison

His on/off romance with fellow Geordie Shore star Chloe Ferry came to an end for good (we think) earlier this year but Sam Gowland first hit our TV screens on Love Island 2017, where he left the villa with former TOWIE star Georgia Harrison.

Made In Chelsea: Lucy Watson and Jamie Laing8 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Lucy Watson and Jamie Laing

Jamie and Lucy were together for a bit and would even walk their dogs together. Not one for holding back, Lucy Watson has called the show 'incestuous' and she 'no longer wants to waste time with people like Jamie and Proudlock'. Ouch.

Chelsea9 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Ollie Locke and Chloe Green

Topshop Heiress Chloe Green joined the MIC lot in 2011 to date Ollie Locke. Ollie had previously dated Gabby who he broke up with to explore his feelings for men, only to then end up with another woman. It did not go down well...He's now loved-up with husband Gareth Locke.

TOWIE10 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Lucy Mecklenburgh and Mario Falcone

Before Lucy started dating former Coronation Street actor Ryan Thomas, she actually introduced Mario Falcone to TOWIE viewers as her boyfriend. Despite Mario proposing to Lucy on a luxury yacht, things didn't go to plan and their romance ended for good in 2013.

Made In Chelsea: Lucy Watson and Proudlock11 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Lucy Watson and Proudlock

Ah yes, Lucy and Proudlock. They were the most swoon-worthy couple in SW3... oh, until Lucy found out that Proudlock was dating other women.

Love Island: Rykard Jenkins and Rachel Fenton12 of 31

Love Island: Rykard Jenkins and Rachel Fenton

After meeting on the show in 2016, Rykard and Rachel lasted 18 months in the real world, a lot longer than most Love Island couples!

Made13 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Rosie Fortescue and Hugo Taylor

When Hugo was dating Millie Mackintosh in the show, he hooked up with her best friend Rosie. Millie then raised her glass to a party full of guests and said 'cheers to friendship'. However, Hugo later reconnected with Millie and the pair MARRIED in July 2018. Almost two years later, Millie gave birth to their first child, a baby girl, in May 2020.

TOWIE14 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Charlie Sims and Ferne McCann

These two were actually together for SIX YEARS! But after Charlie decided to quit TOWIE, he later publicly dumped Ferne on Twitter, with reports suggesting he made her choose between him and the show.

THE HILLS15 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

The Hills: Justin Bobby and Audrina Patridge

Ever since Justin Bobby and Audrina split on The Hills, fans of the popular show have pleaded for them to rekindle their romance, even more so after Audrina announced she was divorcing her husband Corey Bohan.

Lucy and Spencer16 of 31

Made In Chelsea: Spencer Matthews and Lucy Watson

Spenny took Lucy to Paris in 2013 and we almost believed he had given up his womanising ways. We were wrong and he admitted to cheating on Lucy with several women. Spencer is now happily married with Vogue Williams and the pair have two adorable children together.

TOWIE17 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Joey Essex and Sam Faiers

Another TOWIE couple which led to a failed engagement. Despite Sam and Joey dating from 2011, the pair didn't make it down to aisle, ending their relationship in 2014.

Made In CHelsea18 of 31

Made In Chelsea: Spencer Matthews and Louise Thompson

Louise joined the show as Spencer's (very despairing) girlfriend. Spencer being Spencer, couldn't stay faithful and resulted in a fair few teary scenes between the pair.

TOWIE19 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Gemma Collins and Charlie King

Perhaps one of the strangest couples ever to grace TOWIE, The GC dated Charlie King in series four, but Charlie later announced he was gay on live TV.

Love Island: Tyla Carr and Jonny Mitchell20 of 31

Love Island: Tyla Carr and Jonny Mitchell

After breaking Camilla Thurlow's heart, a lot of Love Island fans forget that Jonny Mitchell later coupled up with Tyla Carr.Of course, the romance didn't last when they left the villa!

Made In Chelsea21 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Made In Chelsea: Alex Mytton and Binky Felstead

Binky and Alex were love's young dream (kind of) for two years until his constant cheating became unforgivable. It all worked out well though as she now has the cutest little baby girl with JP and is loved up with boyfriend Max Darnton.

The HIlls22 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

The Hills: Heidi Montag and Jordan Eubanks

Before she met, married and had a child with Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag actually dated a guy called Jordan Eubanks on the show. Their romance was played out during season one, before they split.

TOWIE23 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Jess Wright and Ricky Rayment

Potentially one of the messiest break-ups in TOWIE history! After Jess and Ricky dated for two years, things seemed to be going well until Ricky was accused of texting other women. After the split, the pair ended up having a bitter Twitter war. Jess later found love with William Lee-Kemp and got engaged in March 2020.

Jayde Nicole and Brody Jenner24 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

The Hills: Jayde Nicole and Brody Jenner

As well as his 'fake' relationships for the show with Lauren Conrad and Kristen Cavallari, Brody's romance with Jayde seemed pretty serious in 2008. Despite getting matching tattoos, the pair split in December 2009.

TOWIE25 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty Images

TOWIE: Lauren Pope and Kirk Norcross

Series two of TOWIE saw the lovable Lauren Pope hooking up with Kirk Norcross. Despite the pair getting his and hers nose jobs', the pair split just weeks after.

Love Island: Montana Brown and Alex Beattie26 of 31

Love Island: Montana Brown and Alex Beattie

They were one of the hottest couples ever to grace our screens, but things didn't work out for Montana Brown and Alex Beattie when they left the villa in 2017. In fact, their romance lasted just six weeks.

Geordie Shore: Vicky Pattison and Jay Gardner27 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty

Geordie Shore: Vicky Pattison and Jay Gardner

Her time on the show may be best remembered for her turbulent relationship with Ricci Guarnaccio but Vicky Pattison's first Geordie Shore relationship was actually with Jay Gardner back in series one.They were attracted to each other as soon as they stepped in the house but decided they were better off as pals after a series of rows.

Celebs Go Dating: Megan Barton-Hanson and Demi Sims28 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Celebs Go Dating: Megan Barton-Hanson and Demi Sims

Love Island's Megan Barton-Hanson and TOWIE star Demi Sims hit it off when they both appeared on Celebs Go Dating in 2019. Despite dating for a short time, the pair's romance was over before the series even ended.

TOWIE: Bobby Norris and Harry Derbidge29 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty

TOWIE: Bobby Norris and Harry Derbidge

He was one of the show's OG cast members but Harry Derbidge took a break from the TOWIE scene in 2011 before reappearing three years later (in some VERY skimpy swimwear) as Bobby Norris' boyfriend. It all ended in tears though when Harry confessed to sleeping with his ex on holiday in Tenerife.

Celebs Go Dating: Charlotte Dawson and Frankie Cocozza30 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 E4

Celebs Go Dating: Charlotte Dawson and Frankie Cocozza

They sign up to date us normal folk but those Celebs Go Dating lot just can't resist breaking the rules and getting it on with each other, can they? In 2017, Charlotte Dawson hooked up with X Factor bad boy Frankie Cocozza but it didn't last once the show ended and she's now loved-up with rugby player Matt Sarsfield.

Geordie Shore: Holly Hagan and James Tindale31 of 31
CREDIT: u00a9 Getty

Geordie Shore: Holly Hagan and James Tindale

She might be loved up with footballer fiancé Jacob Blyth now but back in series three of Geordie Shore, Holly Hagan enjoyed a fling with co-star James Tindale. Unfortunately, she was left heartbroken when he returned to the house for series four with a girlfriend.

**Follow Daisy on Twitter **@NotRollergirl

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

Just so you know, whilst we may receive a commission or other compensation from the links on this website, we never allow this to influence product selections - read why you should trust us