Made In Chelsea 12.11: Christmas Bells Are Pealing, A Wardrobe Has Frankie Squealing, And Everyone Is Reeling!

Also, traveling all the way to Weybridge to chop down a tree? Not the most economical move Jamie.

Made In Chelsea 12.11: Christmas Bells Are Pealing, A Wardrobe Has Frankie Squealing, And Everyone Is Reeling!

by Debrief Staff |

In a move that might cause our inner environmentalists some consternation, Jamie and Frankie have travelled all the way to Weybridge to hack down their very own Christmas tree. That’s a lot of…well, not food miles exactly, unless they’re planning to chow down on pine. But could they not have gone to Harvey Nicks? Surely the Whole Foods on Kensington High Street has some lovely trees that are two foot tall and at least £750. But it gives Jamie an opportunity to wield a sharp object, and Frankie the chance to talk about ‘the most important thing - presents!’ She wants something thoughtful, something sentimental and something that isn’t a handbag. Perhaps something with pockets, then? All we want for Christmas is to never hear Biscuits doing a Scottish accent ever again - his planning persona makes us, erm, reel with horror.

However, his och aye the noo is slightly less alarming than Tiff and Sam’s high concept Christmas card shoot. Liv is shooting and they’re art directing. The concept is possibly ‘please buy us some clothes for Christmas’, because they’re both in the nip, with nothing but baubles to obscure Sam’s bollocks. ‘I look like a scared little boy!’ yells Sam, when he sees Liv’s shots, adding a troubling layer to a project that is already going to challenge even their most open minded friends and relations. Binky has a conversation about hair washing, and how long it’s been - we’re not sure whether she’s on about her own locks, or Scrumble’s. Bear and Ollie are also present - is it us, or does Ollie become more waspishly camp when he’s around his dog? Is he trying to impress Bear by being a bitch? I mean, that might be nice for Bear…We discover that Ollie is not planning to make piece with JP at any point in the near future, which is fair enough, and that Ryan has gone really mardy because Louise liked a boy’s picture on Instagram, which really isn’t.

Mytton bumps into Steph, who has eleventy billion bags filled with gifts for herself and one containing cufflinks for her Dad, and has a disinterested flirt. She looks like a branch of Chanel just opened up under her Christmas tree, while he takes on the expression of a small boy in a cartoon torturing ants on a sunny day with an oversized magnifying glass. Victoria turns up, with her poor driver who isn’t even allowed to carry her purchases in carrier bags. He has a stack of parcels and boxes in his arms, and the air of Smithers after Mr Burns has gone too far. ‘Mytt knows me so well!’ coos Steph. ‘I told him “Now that it’s cold, I really need a snuggle buddy”, and then he was like ‘yeah, so do I’ and then he gave me a look.’ Dude, we were there! Unless he delivered this ‘look’ when we were Googling the last ASOS delivery slots before Christmas, we’re not sure there’s anything in it.

There’s more party planning from the Lost Bois. ‘What is in eggnog?’ ‘Eggs, and nog.’ ‘What is nog?’ ‘I don’t know. Nutmeg?’ - it’s quite the Brains Trust - and they do more bad Scottish accents while they panic about all they haven’t sorted out, dividing up tasks into haggis, music and kilts. Um, is there a venue? Somewhere for everyone to put their coats? Strong, strong booze? Well, there is Sam, who has promised to play in the haggis with bagpipes. And Akin, who might bring a bit of excitement to proceedings by attempting to snog Rosie. ‘She’s got something a bit mysterious! I reckon she’d kiss earlobes.’ In these times of Snapchat and sexting and instant access hardcore porn, there is something deeply heartwarming about hearing a young man tell his contemporaries that he’d like to have his earlobes kissed. JP is being brave without Binky, and is signalling his strong little soldier status by wearing a flat cap that looks like it was fashioned from a hobo’s handkerchief. Mytton is non committal about Steph. He doesn’t seem to not fancy her, exactly, he just doesn’t fancy her either. It’s like The Man In The High Castle. I’m sort of curious about watching it, but I need to watch another 500 repeats of Come Dine With Me first.

Louise is doing some present wrapping, and gets distracted by a furious Ryan, who wants to talk about Louise’s failures as a girlfriend. ‘You KNOW that I’m a man of principle…the email, the liking…I’m just telling you how it is.’ Has anyone ever described themselves as a ‘man of principle’ without using it to mean ‘this is why I’m being a massive, ridiculous, obsessive tool over a pointless thing?’ We think not. Principle filled Ryan does not want it to ruin Christmas, so he’s got a treat for Louise. It’s a dog called Lola. Ryan, were you out queuing for the urinals when everyone else in the world was given the message about WHEN DOGS ARE NOT FOR? Ah, Lola is a loaner. Nothing says ‘I forgive you for using social media’ like ‘I thought you could look after my mate’s dog for the weekend.’ I hope Lola chews up Ryan’s giant manly sports trainers.

Steph has decided that she is going to make sure Mytton is interested by playing hard to get, possibly leaving town for a bit. Kidding! She’s got Toff to put her in a giant, present shaped box and wheel her to his front door. Toff rings and runs, Steph springs out and asks him to be her date at the reel ‘and with all this effort, it would be really rude you said no.’ She has a kilt for him, which he won’t wear shirtless. ‘No, that’s a butler in the buff kind of vibe’ says Mytton with some bitterness, as if that’s the hated summer holiday gig that keeps him in bomber jackets when the DJing dries up.

Daddy Watson meets Sam for a beer and harangues him for ‘a little more commitment’ to Tiff - he’s stopped climbing over strange women in Dubai nightclubs, which is major progress! Calm down Daddy Watson! Someone who is making a major display of commitment is Jamie, who is getting Frankie the most romantic, meaningful, sentimental gift possible! Presented by a velveted Boulle and Proudlock, and a pair of hired reindeer, Frankie is finally getting her wardrobe! Most romantically at all, it’s already assembled! Biscuits must have been up in the wee hours with an Alan key. And now, it’s party time! We’re reel-y looking forward to this!

Jamie COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED about reeling, Scotland, Christmas, parties and fun. He’s running around the room with pupils so wide that we’re seriously skeptical about the claim that there aren’t any E numbers in his own sweets. Sam gives Rosie the nudie Christmas card, and she points out his fake tan lines. It must be said that Tiff looks amazing, even if it’s not the sort of thing one would send to their great aunt Maureen. Then Sam gets down on one knee, Tiff gasps and he asks her ‘Would you…like this key to my house?’ Tiff’s expression indicates that she was expecting a diamond ring, or a wardrobe. Still, she recovers her composure. ‘It’s the best present you’ve ever given me!’ she smiles, before pointing out that Sam has a bottom lock to negotiate.

Binky tells Ryan to get off Louise’s back about the Instagram like, and more importantly, to start picking up Lola’s poos. So, Ryan might pretend to have principals but he won’t get his hands dirty. Binky (who looks bee-yootiful) has a sad, tender chat with JP, where she points out that she regrets some of her behaviour over the year, and that he dances by gnashing his teeth and waving his hands ‘like a hula dance’. Steph sidles up to Mytton, murmuring ‘It’s been a year of me having this secret crush on you.’ HOW WAS IT EVER SECRET, STEPH? Year Seven Secret Santas have been conducted in a more clandestine manner than your bloody crush! Mytton brushes her off with a consolation prize of friendship, adding ‘but I do feel festive!’ On this occasion, ‘festive’ means ‘horny’.

Ryan and Louise have one more tense chat on the stairs. ‘I can’t give you more than I’ve already given you,’ mutters Ryan. What? Someone else’s dog? Still, he tells her she’s the love of his life. ‘I’ve never been this smitten before,’ he tells her, and she leaps on him to do sexy snog sit ups on the dance floor. It was better when they were arguing. Still, it’s a Christmas miracle of sorts. Happy Christmas, everybody! May your geese lay golden Faberge eggs!

Hero of the series

Bear the dog has been stealing the screen every time he appears, and he’s the character we’d feel the most comfortable having a cuddle with.

Villain of the series

Sam’s bagpipes - there’s stiff competition, but this is what I’d most like to see the back of in 2017.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

Made in Chelsea 12, Episode 7: Toff Upsets Tiff A Bunch, JP Acts On A Hunch, And No-One Enjoys Their Brunch

Made In Chelsea 12, Episode 6: Francis Is Going Spare, Liv Doesn’t Care, And Frankie Is Demanding Homeware

Made In Chelsea 12 Episode 5: Boulle Is Blue, Louise’s Email Intentions Are Askew And Toff Shops At Ikea JUST LIKE YOU!

Follow Daisy on Twitter @NotRollerGirl

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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