*Warning, this article contains Love is Blind: UK spoilers*
Committing to someone who you met from inside a windowless pod, without having ever seen them in real life, isn't for everyone. Nor is marrying them just a few weeks after meeting.
However, if you sign up to be on Love Is Blind, then that’s pretty much the size of it. Now that the first UK series has come to an end, viewers have watched six couples go from strangers to fiancés – with some going on to become husband and wife.
The show culminates in a faux-wedding day, where the couples each decide if they want to get married, continue dating or break up in front of their friends and family. Unfortunately for Maria Benkh, her partner Tom Stroud decided not to go ahead with the wedding based on their clashing values that had cropped up in the weeks before.
Maria spoke openly about her Muslim heritage and how she was brought up in a family where the man was expected to provide for the family. Meanwhile, Tom always imagined being with a ‘strong, independent woman’ who contributes her fair share.
Their contrasting attitudes first reared their heads in the pods when Maria said she would be content being a stay-at-home Mum, especially in the early years of her children’s lives, and that she wouldn’t want to miss them growing up. Tom seemed a little thrown off by this idea and suggested that he always saw himself with someone more career-driven, and that he would also want to be involved in his kids’ lives and not just seen as the ‘provider’.
Regardless of such, they decided to look past it, and came to the mutual conclusion that they had a strong enough connection to get engaged. On their first holiday together, however, they had another disagreement while talking about their jobs. Tom admitted that he judged Maria for being a make-up artist and said, ‘I was a little bit judgemental when I first heard what you did. I can be a bit judgy at times.’ Bearing in mind, Tom is a PR manager, and not a heart surgeon himself, but he viewed Maria’s career choice as symptomatic of her lack of ambition – something he re-stressed the importance of.
This interaction in particular made a lot of viewers uncomfortable. Some said, ‘That conversation that Maria had with Tom regarding jobs was nasty Tom gives off major elitist vibes’ and another wrote, ‘This conversation between Maria and Tom is so uncomfortable.’ While a reddit thread discussing the couple took a different stance, with one user asking, ‘Am I the only one who thinks that Maria is completely ridiculous for getting upset over Tom’s “judgy” opinion about her job as a make-up artist? He was honest in saying that he normally would judge someone for their line of work. We’re all guilty of doing so!’
Regardless of who was right or wrong in that situation, it speaks to their broader incompatibility. They both have strong values, and those values do not align.
Later on in the series, the couple spoke to the other cast members about another confrontation they'd had. According to Tom, they went out for dinner and he paid the bill, then the following morning they went out for breakfast and Maria offered to pay, and Tom accepted. Afterwards, she allegedly said she was disappointed that he let her pay because she expects a man to pay for things during the early stages of a relationship.
While we do not know exactly what happened, she did more of less confirm that stance when Tom’s two sisters came over for dinner. Maria recalled going out for ice cream with Tom and paying for them, and said she was annoyed about it afterwards. Whereas Tom hadn’t given the ice creams or who paid for them much thought.
Evidently, they have conflicting expectations when it comes to gender, and while Tom appears more progressive in his views, he is less willing to compromise on them.
It’s unsurprising, then, that Maria was more committed to the relationship than Tom. She was looking for a stable partner who she could start a family with and was willing to overlook the things they didn’t see eye to eye on. Tom on the other hand was looking for someone who shared his values and wanted to match him as an equal.
In the end, I think he made the right call by not marrying her. As he said himself, if these things are causing issues so early in the relationship, who knows what might happen down the line? After leaving the alter, Tom admitted that he had too many concerns to blindly commit to marriage. He was worried that if they had children, Maria would teach their son to be a provider and their daughter to find a partner to look after her.
Whether you agree with him or not, those are extremely valid reasons not to be with someone. He wasn’t sure they’d want to raise their kids in the same way, or want them to be the same type of people, nor was he sure that they’d align on any of the big decisions that form lasting long-term relationships.
They may have found a strong connection in the Love Is Blind pods, but that doesn't necessarily lay the foundations for a healthy marriage in the real world. Who would have thought it?
Now all we have to do is wait patiently for the reunion...
Nikki Peach is a writer at Grazia UK, covering TV, celebrity interviews, news and features.