Over the weekend, Jacques O’Neill’s family revealed the Love Islander was diagnosed with ADHD when he was nine years old. Disclosing Jacques’ diagnosis on Instagram, his brother uploaded a screenshot to Instagram, which was a paragraph from an article which explains the neurological condition. ‘Sometimes, people living with ADHD may behave in ways that come off as rude or disrespectful,’ it read. ‘These behaviours can stem from challenges with self-control, executive functioning and self-stimulating actions. How you perceive their behaviour often depends on your understanding of ADHD symptoms.’
In the caption, his brother also pointed out that it’s Jacques’ family who are having to deal with the online abuse the rugby player is being sent, and urged people to ‘be kind’. And Jacques’ family are right - by no means should his family, or friends, be sent vile abuse. (Jacques shouldn’t be given abuse, either.) But criticising his actions, and calling out some of the red flags he’s displayed, just isn’t the same as trolling.
Jacques’ actions on Love Island have been truly shocking. In the three years I’ve been watching Love Island, I've never been so disappointed in a man's behaviour. From the way he speaks about women to the way he speaks to them, he treated Paige, Cheyanne and Mollie with zero respect in Casa Amor. Only now he’s realised the error of his ways, Jacques is trying to win back (or, I feel, manipulate) Paige, writing her notes in lipstick and long texts about ‘how he really feels’.
In the caption, his brother said that ADHD isn’t an excuse for his actions. But, by mentioning it at all, and including the hashtag ‘adhdawareness’, I feel his account handlers are trying to use it as damage control, a medical diagnosis which can go some to way to explaining the way he has acted.
For those who don’t know, ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a neurological condition that affects people’s behaviour. It’s an incredibly common condition, and affects approximately 2-4% of the population.
Yes, those with ADHD can massively struggle with self-control, as well as their emotions. And those with the condition can sometimes come across as rude - even if they really don’t mean to - by interrupting people or appearing disinterested in conversation, for example. But ADHD isn't an excuse for disrespecting or manipulating women, and I am saying this as a woman who was recently diagnosed with the condition.
I’m not disputing that Jacques, who is now 23, has ADHD for one minute. But how he’s treated Paige is not down to ADHD, it’s simply down to the level of respect you show those you’re romantically involved with. You can cheat, and you can have ADHD - but it’s wrong if you use ADHD as an excuse for it. Being disrespectful, or behaving badly when dating, is not a symptom of ADHD. You can't just blame how you treat romantic partners on being impulsive.
Jacques hasn’t used ADHD as an excuse on the show - so he isn’t to blame for this clumsy Instagram post. But there are implications of his family’s statement. There’s already a lot of negative stereotypes which surround ADHD - and this isn’t going to help.
ADHD is already a condition which a lot of people do not take seriously, despite the increasing awareness over the past few years and the fact many with ADHD usually have one or more existing health conditions - like anxiety, depression, autism, addiction and eating disorders - some of which can be exacerbated by ADHD. Adults with ADHD can really, really struggle with day to day life, and many are waiting years for a NHS diagnosis because so many people - including medical professionals - don’t think the condition is real. ADHD being blamed for someone’s bad behaviour on the UK’s top dating show isn’t going to help matters.
When Jacques has been subject to a torrent of abuse, I can - sort of - understand the rationale behind the family wanting to defend his actions. But to try and explain it by disclosing his ADHD diagnosis is not appropriate. And we really don’t need #adhdawareness if it’s going to cause more harm than good.