It’s here, it’s queer, and it’s absolutely going to take up your entire night in the best way possible. Make sure you’ve got plenty of booze to see you through because, if it’s anything like last year (and the years before that), you’re going to need lots and lots of it.
Here’s a drinking game to see you through.
This is our entry, BTW....
1. Take seven fingers of something strong
Every time a Eurovision host manages to make Ant and/or Dec’s attempt at presenting The Brits look like a slick operation. Between the stumbling, the stopping and starting, and the jokes so cheesy they’ve got no business being anywhere but in a bargain basement Christmas cracker, let alone on a television show watched by 180 million people across the globe.
2. A bottle of wine
Every time a country dares to do a boring ballad with nothing to distract you from the seriously boring song they’re singing. Not even one solitary interpretive dancer. I mean, oh my gosh, what a nice voice you have, but oh my gosh, I’M SO BORED. NEXT.
3. A shot of vodka
Every time a country decides to do a modern twist on their traditional dress in the name of music. See dropped-crotch lederhosen or Poland’s Donaton & Cleo whose traditional folk dresses seemed to have shrunk in the wash.
4. A shot of that horrible spirit you bought in Malia seven years ago
Whenever there’s a really awkward interaction between the host and a contestant in the green room. Like the time these two had a really long conversation about how his hotel didn’t serve English breakfasts and it made everyone watching reach for the nearest blunt object and attempt to knock themselves out cold so they didn’t have to deal with the pain any more.
5. Finish the dregs of whatever’s left to numb the pain
Each time a presenter from another country does something HILARIOUS while announcing the votes from their country during the hour-long bit at the end which we could quite frankly, do without. This includes (but is not ever limited to): dressing up in fancy dress (fake moustaches! Hilarious!) and leaving a HUMOUROUSLY long pause before announcing they’ve given their points to the same country they always give their points to.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.