Love It Or Hate It, The Eurovision Song Contest Is Back For Your Viewing Pleasure. Here’s Your NTK

It’s that time of year, ladies and gentlemen. Drinks at the ready, Eurovision 2017 is around the corner.

EurovisionSongContest2017

by Jazmin Kopotsha |
Published on

Do you care about Eurovision 2017? The answer is probably something along the lines of ‘well, “care” is a bit of a strong word’ or ‘there was this amazing Eurovision viewing party at uni a few years back’. And that’s totally acceptable. It’s expected, in fact. But for some reason we still find it cropping up in conversations, we’ll still be dutifully disappointed when the UK doesn’t win and we’re secretly really fascinated by the car-crash sequined spectacle that is The Eurovision Song Contest.

To fuel that fascination, it might interest you to know that this year's show will be hosted by Graham Norton and shown on BBC One. But before you roll your eyes at the prospect of actively engaging in an international coming together of countries across the world (not just Europe) in celebration of questionable taste in music and costumes reminiscent of your year 4 fancy dress party, think of it like this: If you can’t beat ‘em, join them and beat them at their own stupid game by actually understanding the rules of the competition you’re drinking to.

When did Eurovision even start?

Eurovision kicked off way back in 1956, a whole 61 years ago when only seven countries competed in Lugano, Switzerland. Each country was allowed to submit two entries but it was still a far shorter, condensed affair than it is these days. It was created by the European Broadcasting Union (a group of telly companies around Europe).

Oh, and if you were wondering if the UK entered that first historic competition, the answer is no. We missed the deadline. Classic.

Where is Eurovision 2017 going to be?

This year it’s going to be in Kiev over in Ukraine. Why, you ask? Because Ukraine won Eurovision 2016 which means they get the honour of hosting. So, no. It probably won't be coming to the UK anytime soon.

How long does Eurovision last?

For-fucking-ever mate. I don’t know anyone who’s survived the whole thing.* The final is timetabled to air on BBC One from 8 pm until the end of time. And when I say end of time I mean 11.25pm.

*That’s a gross exaggeration by the way. I’m sure the millions of people across the world who tune in come out the other side just fine.

Why does everyone hate the UK?

Let’s be honest. We’re all friends here but it doesn’t take a genius to combine the fact that we haven’t won in a really, really long time and that you have to be voted for to win. We weren’t very well liked before and then there’s the giant Brexit sized elephant in the room that’ll probably stomp on stage in the middle of Switzerland's performance and ruin our chances once again. Because we like to moan when we lose so, you know, we’ll need something to blame it on.

How many countries are in Eurovision?

Yeah, that sneaky suspicion that all of the countries on the list didn’t quite match your GCSE Geography level knowledge of who was and wasn’t part of Europe, did it. Well, this year there are 42 countries stepping up to bat. Of these 42, Australia is one. Yes, Australia. As in the big one on the other side of the world known as ‘down under’.

They joined the show back in 2015 as part of the 60th anniversary ‘Building Bridges’ theme and haven’t looked back. Also, there’s Israel (not in Europe) who are old timers on the Eurovision circuit and have been competing since 1973.

You may have also heard about that fall out between Russia and host country Ukraine. It came to light that the Russian contestant, Julia Samoilova, had performed in Crimea in 2015 (territory that was annexed by Russia beforehand) making it ‘illegal’ for her to be there, reports the BBC. Then Russian television broadcaster Channel One announced that they weren’t going to show the competition which was a big 'you can't sit with us' style disruption. Complicated, I know. But if you thought that these sorts of things wouldn't get political, you'd be pretty wrong my friend.

Who’s representing the UK?

Remember Lucie Jones? If you say it in your head in X Factor announcer Peter Dickson’s voice you’ll be flooded with flashbacks of the winter of 2009 when Dannii Minogue and Cheryl then-Cole had to pretend not to hate each other. It was the year of Joe McElderry, Olly Murs, Stacey Solomon and RACH-EL ADE-DE-JI (you heard the voice, didn’t you?)

But back to Lucie. She might’ve come 8th in the X Factor but went on to win the competition to represent the UK in the most-watched singing competition in the world. We’re talking 204 million pairs of eyes on one show. Fair play.

What is Lucie Jones going to sing on Eurovision?

She’s singing a ballad called 'Never Give Up On You', which if we’re honest, doesn’t fill us with the most (any) hope of winning. But never mind. It’s a nice song. Have a listen.

How do you vote in Eurovision?

I mean, no one actually votes do they? But then maybe that’s why we haven’t won in a really long time… You can vote online, through your phone or via the app (yes, there’s an app) if you’d like to do something about that though.

Back in the day, a jury of five ‘industry professionals’ and viewers would vote for who they want to win. The jury and viewer votes would be put together and Bob's your uncle, a winner is chosen. But now they’ve gone a bit X Factor with it all to build some extra tension. The jury allocates votes worth between one and eight, ten and twelve points to each country, but they make their votes based on a dress rehearsal the night before, apparently. Then the public does the same thing of allocating votes after watching the live performances and then they’ll get added to the jury vote. A bit of a faff I know, but what’s a night of flamboyant and questionable musical entertainment without a bit of voting faff?

Don’t worry, though. The UK is one of the ‘Big Five’ a collection of countries that include France, Spain, Germany and Italy who, alongside the host country automatically qualify for the Grand Final every year.

Can contestants mime?

Lol, no. That’s very much against the rules you guys. This isn’t the 2009 VMA’s.

Which is the best Eurovision drinking game to play?

There are hundreds out there which, if anything, probably answers the question of why are millennials still in any way shape or form still interested in the Eurovision Song Contest. Which is why we’ve come up with a really straightforward drinking game for you to keep yourselves occupied with. Thank us when the hangover settles.

How can I watch Eurovision 2017?

It’s being shown over on good BBC One from 8pm, but if you’re more of a laptop/mobile phone kind of gal you can stream the show from the Eurovision channel on YouTube. Fun fact: last year the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest was the third largest music stream on YouTube. Pretty impressive.

Like this? You might also be interested in…

7 Things To Drink During Your Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game 2017!

Natalie From Scooch Tells Us What It’s Really Like To Perform At Eurovision

Javine Hylton Tells Us What It’s Really Like To Do Eurovision: ‘My Boob Came Out’

Follow Jazmin on Instagram @JazKopotsha

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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