I used to think that I really knew about romance. I had that shit down and I was unbearably into it. And no, I don't mean that tired, low-level, peck on the cheek type of 'love'. I'm talking about that over the top, unrealistically magical, painfully awe-inspiring, Disney princess' happily ever after, one fantastically suffocating kiss to rule them all, kind of stuff.
I think I was the reason they started to put the word 'hopeless' in front of 'romantic'.
Then things changed a tad. Break ups happened, dating apps terrified me and I lost my way a little bit. At least, that was until I watched Channel 4's First Dates for the first time and realised that what I dreamt of didn't even come close to the heart-wrenching real-world L. O. V. E. that we get to watch in action at the show's restaurant and hotels.
Right at the centre of it all, is Fred Siriex. You know, Fred? The handsome French Maitre d' who greets the blind daters as they arrive and offers tweetable snippets of advice about love and life and stuff. That dream machine.
Well, obviously I decided that if I want to learn about IRL romance and how to re-find it for myself, Fred was the guy to talk to.
So that's precisely what I did. The lovely people of Channel 4 set me and Fred up on a date (yes, I'm going to call it a date) at the beautiful Galvin at Windows restaurant (where Fred works IRL outside of the show) and he taught me where I'm going wrong with dates (not going on them), how to get out of a bad one (be nice about it) and where romance stands in the modern, Tinder-focussed world. Watch the video below and feel free to take notes. I did...
WATCH NOW: What Happened When The Debrief Went On A Date With Fred From First Dates
First Dates Hotel, Monday at 10pm on Channel 4
MORE: The Made In Chelsea Relationships You Definitely Forgot About
Reality TV couples you forgot about - stacked
Made In Chelsea: Jamie Laing and Louise Thompson
Remember when Jamie and Louise dated (much to Spencer Matthews' dismay) in 2012? Louise then left Jamie for Spencer, causing a very traumatic love triangle indeed. Poor Jamie.
TOWIE: Mark Wright and Lauren Goodger
Mark Wright and Lauren Goodger's romance played out in the first couple of seasons of TOWIE, and it even involved a very short-lived engagement! However, after dating on and off for 10 years, the pair later ended their romance and Mark went on to marry actress Michelle Keegan.
The Hills: Jason Wahler and Lauren Conrad
She chose him over Paris, but that didn't stop Lauren Conrad's romance with Jason Wahler coming to an abrupt end. Following their rocky romance, the pair split and Lauren later married William Tell.
Love Island: Kady McDermott and Scott Thomas
Before she joined the cast of TOWIE to date Myles Barnett in 2018, Kady McDermott appeared on Love Island in 2016, where she found love with Ryan and Adam Thomas' brother Scott. Things didn't work out when they left the villa, with the pair announcing their split in 2017.
Made In Chelsea: Binky Felstead and Jamie Laing
Binks is now a mum to baby India, but remember when she dated Jamie Laing?!? After years of friendship, the two found it difficult to transition to an actual relationship, so decided to call it a day.
TOWIE: Lydia Bright and James 'Arg' Argent
Before he started dating Gemma Collins, James 'Arg' Argent and Lydia Bright were one of TOWIE's golden couples. After being on and off for years, the pair ended things for good in 2016. Meanwhile, Lydia gave birth a baby girl, Loretta Rose, in February 2020.
Love Island: Sam Gowland and Georgia Harrison
His on/off romance with fellow Geordie Shore star Chloe Ferry came to an end for good (we think) earlier this year but Sam Gowland first hit our TV screens on Love Island 2017, where he left the villa with former TOWIE star Georgia Harrison.
Made In Chelsea: Lucy Watson and Jamie Laing
Jamie and Lucy were together for a bit and would even walk their dogs together. Not one for holding back, Lucy Watson has called the show 'incestuous' and she 'no longer wants to waste time with people like Jamie and Proudlock'. Ouch.
Made In Chelsea: Ollie Locke and Chloe Green
Topshop Heiress Chloe Green joined the MIC lot in 2011 to date Ollie Locke. Ollie had previously dated Gabby who he broke up with to explore his feelings for men, only to then end up with another woman. It did not go down well...He's now loved-up with husband Gareth Locke.
TOWIE: Lucy Mecklenburgh and Mario Falcone
Before Lucy started dating former Coronation Street actor Ryan Thomas, she actually introduced Mario Falcone to TOWIE viewers as her boyfriend. Despite Mario proposing to Lucy on a luxury yacht, things didn't go to plan and their romance ended for good in 2013.
Made In Chelsea: Lucy Watson and Proudlock
Ah yes, Lucy and Proudlock. They were the most swoon-worthy couple in SW3... oh, until Lucy found out that Proudlock was dating other women.
Love Island: Rykard Jenkins and Rachel Fenton
After meeting on the show in 2016, Rykard and Rachel lasted 18 months in the real world, a lot longer than most Love Island couples!
Made In Chelsea: Rosie Fortescue and Hugo Taylor
When Hugo was dating Millie Mackintosh in the show, he hooked up with her best friend Rosie. Millie then raised her glass to a party full of guests and said 'cheers to friendship'. However, Hugo later reconnected with Millie and the pair MARRIED in July 2018. Almost two years later, Millie gave birth to their first child, a baby girl, in May 2020.
TOWIE: Charlie Sims and Ferne McCann
These two were actually together for SIX YEARS! But after Charlie decided to quit TOWIE, he later publicly dumped Ferne on Twitter, with reports suggesting he made her choose between him and the show.
The Hills: Justin Bobby and Audrina Patridge
Ever since Justin Bobby and Audrina split on The Hills, fans of the popular show have pleaded for them to rekindle their romance, even more so after Audrina announced she was divorcing her husband Corey Bohan.
Made In Chelsea: Spencer Matthews and Lucy Watson
Spenny took Lucy to Paris in 2013 and we almost believed he had given up his womanising ways. We were wrong and he admitted to cheating on Lucy with several women. Spencer is now happily married with Vogue Williams and the pair have two adorable children together.
TOWIE: Joey Essex and Sam Faiers
Another TOWIE couple which led to a failed engagement. Despite Sam and Joey dating from 2011, the pair didn't make it down to aisle, ending their relationship in 2014.
Made In Chelsea: Spencer Matthews and Louise Thompson
Louise joined the show as Spencer's (very despairing) girlfriend. Spencer being Spencer, couldn't stay faithful and resulted in a fair few teary scenes between the pair.
TOWIE: Gemma Collins and Charlie King
Perhaps one of the strangest couples ever to grace TOWIE, The GC dated Charlie King in series four, but Charlie later announced he was gay on live TV.
Love Island: Tyla Carr and Jonny Mitchell
After breaking Camilla Thurlow's heart, a lot of Love Island fans forget that Jonny Mitchell later coupled up with Tyla Carr.Of course, the romance didn't last when they left the villa!
Made In Chelsea: Alex Mytton and Binky Felstead
Binky and Alex were love's young dream (kind of) for two years until his constant cheating became unforgivable. It all worked out well though as she now has the cutest little baby girl with JP and is loved up with boyfriend Max Darnton.
The Hills: Heidi Montag and Jordan Eubanks
Before she met, married and had a child with Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag actually dated a guy called Jordan Eubanks on the show. Their romance was played out during season one, before they split.
TOWIE: Jess Wright and Ricky Rayment
Potentially one of the messiest break-ups in TOWIE history! After Jess and Ricky dated for two years, things seemed to be going well until Ricky was accused of texting other women. After the split, the pair ended up having a bitter Twitter war. Jess later found love with William Lee-Kemp and got engaged in March 2020.
The Hills: Jayde Nicole and Brody Jenner
As well as his 'fake' relationships for the show with Lauren Conrad and Kristen Cavallari, Brody's romance with Jayde seemed pretty serious in 2008. Despite getting matching tattoos, the pair split in December 2009.
TOWIE: Lauren Pope and Kirk Norcross
Series two of TOWIE saw the lovable Lauren Pope hooking up with Kirk Norcross. Despite the pair getting his and hers nose jobs', the pair split just weeks after.
Love Island: Montana Brown and Alex Beattie
They were one of the hottest couples ever to grace our screens, but things didn't work out for Montana Brown and Alex Beattie when they left the villa in 2017. In fact, their romance lasted just six weeks.
Geordie Shore: Vicky Pattison and Jay Gardner
Her time on the show may be best remembered for her turbulent relationship with Ricci Guarnaccio but Vicky Pattison's first Geordie Shore relationship was actually with Jay Gardner back in series one.They were attracted to each other as soon as they stepped in the house but decided they were better off as pals after a series of rows.
Celebs Go Dating: Megan Barton-Hanson and Demi Sims
Love Island's Megan Barton-Hanson and TOWIE star Demi Sims hit it off when they both appeared on Celebs Go Dating in 2019. Despite dating for a short time, the pair's romance was over before the series even ended.
TOWIE: Bobby Norris and Harry Derbidge
He was one of the show's OG cast members but Harry Derbidge took a break from the TOWIE scene in 2011 before reappearing three years later (in some VERY skimpy swimwear) as Bobby Norris' boyfriend. It all ended in tears though when Harry confessed to sleeping with his ex on holiday in Tenerife.
Celebs Go Dating: Charlotte Dawson and Frankie Cocozza
They sign up to date us normal folk but those Celebs Go Dating lot just can't resist breaking the rules and getting it on with each other, can they? In 2017, Charlotte Dawson hooked up with X Factor bad boy Frankie Cocozza but it didn't last once the show ended and she's now loved-up with rugby player Matt Sarsfield.
Geordie Shore: Holly Hagan and James Tindale
She might be loved up with footballer fiancé Jacob Blyth now but back in series three of Geordie Shore, Holly Hagan enjoyed a fling with co-star James Tindale. Unfortunately, she was left heartbroken when he returned to the house for series four with a girlfriend.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.