Girls is back and Marnie is getting married! Ray's sad and Jessa's up to no good. Here's a few smart things to say to your friends about the first epsiode of season five.
1. Fold, Fold, Press isn’t a real TV show in Japan.
Fold, Fold, Press is mentioned by Shoshanna as a reality TV show about ironing and folding clothes in one of her many, many one-sided conversations she has about her newly adopted home of Japan. Sadly, it's not a real show.
However, that’s not to say Japan don’t have mental bonkers reality TV shows. Take Candy or Not Candy for instance, where famous people have to guess whether objects (like shoes, doorknobs, plants) are candy or not. Then they have to eat them. Sure.
Also, if you want really bonkers; check out this episode of This American Life where they interview a guy who stayed in a unlocked room for two years and had to win everything he needed to survive (including clothes and food) from magazines. He was being filmed the whole time and had no idea he’d become one of the country’s biggest stars.
Suddenly Fold, Fold, Press sounds kinda tame.
2. Three and a half hours with the hair and makeup artist puts Marnie firmly in bridezilla territory.
As you’ll remember, this is the amount of time Marnie allocates for herself with her hair and make-up artist (who once did Sophia Bush’s make-up).
According to Vancouver Bridal Hub, brides should allow themselves 45 minutes to 1 hour with the make-up artist. Adri Hugo (a professional MUP too) recommends an hour and a half to two hours. Bridal Guide.com also reckons 45 minutes to 1 hour.
Basically, if you were suspicious that Marnie is a maniac then your suspicions were right.
3. Rain on your wedding day is actually supposed to be a sign of good fertility
Turns out Jessa might know some things. Rain is, in some cultures, considered good for fertility because the rain waters the ground and makes things grow. Which kind of makes sense. Except your womb is not a plant. Also, in the Hindu tradition, rain on your wedding day is considered good luck for your future nuptials as a wet knot is harder to untie.
Anyways; who knows what a rainy wedding day means. Although, check out this couple who had their wedding interrupted by a torrential downpour. Then 9 months later TO THE DAY, their daughter was born. We’re assuming they had sex as well as getting caught in the rain, otherwise that would be a medical miracle.
4. EE Cummings poems were a little tough to understand
With Fran and Adam struggling to speak in complete sentences, Ray says they sound like an EE Cummings poem. In case you snoozed your way through A Level English, here’s a reminder of what an EE Cummings poem looks like;
(once like a spark)
if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever
(and so to dark)
Get it? Good.
4. ‘Laurel Canyon classic’ means ‘Joni Mitchell with a horrifying amount of Pinterest’
'Laurel Canyon classic' was one of Marnie’s ‘ideas’ from her wedding moodboard. Basically, now Laurel Canyon in LA is full of beautiful, quirky mansions where really rich people live but, at one time, during the late ‘60s, it was a hotbed of artistic counterculture and housed people like Joni Mitchell, Mamas & the Papas, The Doors, The Byrds and Buffalo Springfield. Does Marnie’s 2016 Etsy version of a hippy dress make sense now? Yep.
5. Ray not having the guts to 'pull a Graduate' means he doesn't have the guts to stop the wedding
I’m sure you all know what Ray’s on about when he says he doesn’t have the guts to ‘pull a Graduate’ at Marnie’s wedding but just in case; regard Dustin Hoffman in one of the greatest movie scenes of all time…
6. Bill De Blasio’s daughter is a real flower crown advocate
Marnie’s mom is a bloody nightmare. Like, the last person you’d want at your wedding. She does make one very good point though; Marnie’s flower crown is so not OK. In fact, she says she looks like Bill De Blasio’s daughter. Who is that? Well, Bill is the current mayor of New York City and his daughter Chiara, who made headlines in 2013 when she opened up about her substance abuse and depression to the world, is a huge fan of flower crowns. Like, she loved them. Really loved them.
7. A 'vision from an Edward Sharpe' video looks a little like this:
Another ‘look’ Marnie has chosen for her wedding. TBH, she could have been speaking about any of their videos but our guess is she means their first single ‘Home’. It’s a great song but it’s totally Marnie porn.
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
Gillian Jacobs: Everything You Need To Know About The 'Girls' And 'Love' Actress
Does Lena Dunham Ending Girls Mean We're Meant To Have Our Lives Sorted By 30?
‘I Couldn’t Afford To Anaesthetise My Abortion’ - Girls’ Jemima Kirke Shares Her Touching Story
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.