Terrible irony: if you’ve got no money, you deserve a holiday way more than those with loads - but thankfully you CAN go abroad on a shoestring budget. No, really. Check out these money-saving tips and probably don’t opt for Paris, Vienna or an ‘Around the World’ tour starting in Los Angeles. You’ve probs got to keep it Europe to keep it bank-balance friendly.
Book last minute flights… or not
Despite experts (and your mum) going on about booking flights as early as you possibly can, that can sometimes be bullshit according to research by Skyscanners.
The optimum time to get booking is five weeks before, because everyone starts freaking out and trying to shift the seats that haven’t been snapped up. This only works if you don’t have a destination in mind, though, and are open to deciding fairly late in the game where you’ll be sunbathing/city breaking – you never know which flights are going to plummet their prices. If it’s Magaluf or die then the industry advice is probably the best way forward: earlier the better. Bo-oring.
Get your dosh exchanged at an ICE
It stands for International Currency Exchange, but might as well stand for Incredible Exchange Rate (if you squint and rearrange the letters) as it’s got the best rates ever. This is according to my dad who flies all over the place for his job and likes calling me at 4am before I go away just to remind me to go to the ICE, if I haven’t already. When I was at uni he was also obsessed with buying batteries from a shit market by my halls, but that’s irrelevant. He’s pretty on it with these things, so don’t let anyone else swindle you – get to thee to an ICE.
Don’t get overexcited about being in an airport
You’re going on holiday. It’s exciting. You’ve got an hour to spare before the gate opens and promptly drop £10 on a plasticky cooked breakfast in a gross food court you’d never look twice at if this were any other day. You then buy some perfume even though you already have perfume. You buy a plug that looks like a bee. Surely it’s better to flash your hard-earned cash at a beach-bar buying Ocean Breezes rather than a depressing mall just south of Croydon*?! Eat before you go, ignore chain stores (Sunglasses Hut! WH Smiths! Uppercrust!) and spend the remaining time fantasiaing about all the weird skirts you’re going to buy off dubious beach sellers.
*Gatwick. I’m referring to Gatwick here.
Steal everything you can from the plane
Weird dried coffee sachets, coffee cups, milk cartons, the free sandwiches, a pillow. Basically, eat beforehand and rinse the plane of everything it has to offer – on day trips you usually get a weird bun thing that can double as a snack later when you arrive in the second airport of the day, to prevent you from getting overexcited (see above).
In a cheap hotel? Load up on free breakfast
First, never book a hotel that doesn’t include breakfast (no brainer) and always check Trivago (great hotel-comparison site). Secondly, commit to having a posh, or at least culinarily acceptable, dinner each day… and a lunch that’s ostensibly an extension of the hotel breakfast you had four hours earlier. Danishes, croissants, toast, hard-boiled eggs, mini-packets of cereal, large packets of cereal, sauces… just slip into a large shopper and nothing ever happened. True pros fill their cereal bowl to the brim and, before adding milk and enjoying it for breakfast, pour half of it into a sandwich bag. Hello, afternoon nibbles (works well with big flaky cereal, and not so well with Rice Krispies). I’m aware how much of these tips are food-based so we’ll move on to accommodation...
Air BnB if you can…
For anyone who’s been living in a cave, Air BnB is where you stay in someone’s apartment, rather than booking a hotel. Apart from the fact it’s way cheaper than a hotel (especially if you’re going to Paris – sweet JEsus) you get instant access to a cute neighbourhood you’d probably never stumble across if you were a tourist-ing. Even if you’re dead set on a resort for pool-lounging and beach-going, it’s still best to check out any Air BnBs in the area because who cares if it’s a bit of a walk to the pool? You’re going to be spending all day there anyway, because nobody spends a sunny vacay hanging out in their room. Unless you’re me in The Algarve with my parents in 2009 (sorry, mum and dad, I was having a lot of emotions back then). Anyway, things to make sure – that you’re somewhere near a beach, that there’s a good pool within walking distance and a supermarket for food. Why? Because…
Rinse those mad local supermarkets
A) Trying to figure out what the eff you’re buying is hilarious b) It’s cheaper than going out to dinner every night and c) There’s every chance you’ll find some hilarious double entendre pasta sauce called ‘Boobies.' Plus, is anything more romantic (if you’re with your SO) or fun (if you’re with mates) than cooking a meal with ingredients you’ve never used before while drinking what you thought was Tequila that turns out to be something closer to nail-varnish remover? No excuses if your accommodation is too small/has no kitchen: opt for picnics. Lots of picnics.
NB: it’s good to pack a can opener if planning to experiment with self catering. There’s nothing sadder than buying canned peaches and not being able to get into the canned peaches, if you really like canned peaches. I like canned peaches, OK.
Actually, rinse everything
Target free sights (these can be found via some v casual Googling) and food markets famous for their samples. Descend on beaches with your own towels/windbreakers and scoff at those who fork out for the weird tiki huts. They’re morons. There are probably termites in them, anyway. Get a bottle of wine and find high ground to watch the sunset. If it’s raining, get an umbrella and do it anyway. The key mentality to survive a budget holiday is an open mind and an adventurous attitude – if you’re going to stand around moaning because there’s a bit of rain/you can’t go UP the cool building, you can only look AT the cool building, then stay at home and count your coppers like a big ole Scrooge. With no tan.
Follow Stevie on Twitter @5tevieM
Picture: Eylul Aslan
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.