In a world of inspirational memes and #girlboss Instagram posts, it’s easy to forget that we all get stuck at work, or feel like we can’t find a way forward at times. Sue Unerman is the Chief Transformation Officer at MediaCom and Kathryn Jacob OBE is the Chief Executive at Pearl and Dean. Together they wrote The Glass Wall: Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business. Their new book Belonging, The Key to Transforming and Maintaining Diversity, Inclusion and Equality At Work is out on 29th October and is available for pre-order now. Each week answer your work questions with pragmatic, honest advice that’s proven to work…
Q: I used to enjoy office life. Now I feel that I don’t fit in, I only see people when we are on a work call talking about work. There isn’t any chat about life outside work as there used to be nor is there office gossip. Just one video call after the other, and they are all about tasks. This has been going on for months, it now looks like it is going to carry on for months. How do I find enjoyment in this new abnormal?
KJ: I don’t know anyone who hasn’t experienced the sensation of feeling lost and lonely over the last few months. Even if you are not alone but with family or at home with your flatmates, all of you working remotely, it just isn’t the same. So, don’t feel that you don’t fit in because, actually, everyone is feeling the same sometimes. It is hard to talk about this, of course, if all you hear all day is an outcome orientated conversation in your video meetings. Is there anyone you were particular friends with? Do you think that you could talk to them? Even for a ten minute catch up about how you both feel each day?
SU: It is absolutely true that working from home during this pandemic is nothing like being in the office. It has been going on for a long while now and you have to do something. We have found that it is a good technique to put bonding and chat on the agenda of a regular meeting. Otherwise it just gets left out. Could you suggest this for your team meetings at least once a week? Now we have been told to work from home again where possible, this situation looks like it is going to continue for the time being. Therefore, try not to hold your breath and wait for things to change back to the old normal. Try instead to think specifically about what you need from your manager and your colleagues that would make this better. So you could find out if a colleague lives near your home, and arrange a walk one lunchtime or evening. Or you could ask for time with your manager, and make the point that the team spirit that used to take care of itself when you were all in the office, now needs urgent action to nurture it and sustain well being.
KJ: The other thing you could think about is to arrange events like a virtual book club, a simultaneous film watching occasion or even your own version of Bake Off ! That way you have a subject to bond over even if it is your disastrous attempts at a Victoria Sponge Cake. Sharing pictures can spark lots of conversations and comments and take the focus away from unrelenting work. It also makes a change from doing a quiz, which everyone did to begin with.
Aside from this, have you thought about what it was that made you feel connected in the past? Was it just being together or the shared experience of the dreadful coffee? Or was it deeper than that? If it was just about physical location then you and your company may need to examine the culture.
SU: This could be an opportunity to make the culture better. I believe that the biggest difference between enjoying the working day and enduring the working day is the culture of the company. It is the only real thing that matters. In some businesses the culture is regarded as the job of human resources. It cannot only be the responsibility of the hard working head of HR. The CEO of the company must be responsible, but so too is everyone in the team. At the moment, there is a special necessity for work cultures to be kind, to be inclusive. If you are feeling left out, it is so easy to begin to drift away from the warmth of your work “family”. And yes, a good work culture makes you feel as though you are part of a family. It might be dysfunctional at times, it might be an extended family, but your work colleagues are not accidental acquaintances, they are people who you should be able to rely on, not just for tasks to be done, but also for emotional support.
KJ: The thing about families is that you don’t have to be your perfect self all the time. What you need to do is turn up, try your hardest and be kind. Sometimes when you feel that a task or a situation is really tricky, knowing that you are going into that situation with your work “family” can give you a boost and confidence that gets you through. For example, if you are going into a meeting with a big client and facing a lot of questions, knowing you have a colleague by your side who can step in and support you, can give you a lift. I know that I have been in situations where some details just don’t come to mind but that my colleague can recall perfectly and fill in the gaps.
SU: I have been in this situation many times. As some of you will know, I have proudly (and unusually for advertising) worked for the same company as it has grown and grown for 3 decades. One the reasons we have grown and one of the reasons that I have stayed so long, is the sense that if I go into a tough meeting and drop the ball, that one of my colleagues will pick it up and ensure that we don’t lose points. And I of course will do the same for them. This has given me a strong sense of Belonging.
We will write more about this in our next blog, as Kathryn and I are delighted to let you, our readers, know, in advance, about the publication on October 29th of our new book about the workplace: Belonging, The Key to Transforming and Maintaining Diversity, Inclusion and Equality At Work (available for pre-order from Amazonand [Bloomsbury](https://www.bloomsbury.com/uk/belonging-9781472979612/2979612/)).