For Sasha*, moving in with her boyfriend, Charlie*, wasn’t part of the plan. They lived separately in London with
housemates and enjoyed having their own space while meeting up a few nights a week.
But after Charlie’s landlord unexpectedly increased his rent, he had to find somewhere else to live. Already struggling to make ends meet as a ceramist, the work studio he rented had also recently shut down. All of this meant his best option was either to move back home with his parents – or in with Sasha.
‘Although we had been together two years, I wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of him moving in because it felt like such a rush,’ says Sasha, 27. ‘But equally, it was the only way for him to be able to stay in London. I knew if he left, it would have a bad impact on our relationship.’
Traditionally, moving in with a partner is seen as one of the big relationship milestones, up there with saying ‘I love you’ for the first time, going on your first holiday and getting engaged. But since the cost of living crisis took hold, more couples like Sasha and Charlie, 30, are choosing to accelerate their relationships to help make ends meet, in a trend that some have coined ‘inflationships’ or the ‘cost of loving crisis’.
A TikTok last year by @timelmoresays explains the concept: ‘When Millennials or Generation Z see what inflation is doing today, their relationships are morphing. They may be getting together but sharing the cost of gas or groceries or rent or whatever just because it’s a pragmatic decision.’
You only need look at the housing market to understand why this trend is on the rise. Rents in the UK are now the
highest on record, with the Office for National Statistics recording the biggest annual increase since its records on renting began eight years ago.
And when coupled with a rising demand for rooms, this creates a perfect storm. According to the flatmate finding platform SpareRoom, the number of renters looking for rooms has tripled since the start of 2021, while listings have declined over the same period, meaning there are now seven times more people looking than there are rooms available. For many new couples, moving in together is a no-brainer when they are already spending several nights
a week together anyway.
But accelerating such an important milestone can also bring an abrupt end to the blissful ‘honeymoon stage’ that
characterises the first year or so of dating. One minute you were swooning over each other in restaurants, now you’re bickering over the best way to stack the dishwasher.
This was the case for Sasha, who says although there were still some ‘nice moments’, her relationship with Charlie quickly became ‘chore based’ when he moved in, and the passion began to fade.
‘There were problems from day one. We were fighting over silly things, like space for our toiletries and what cycle to put the washing machine on. I was starting to see a different side to him. He was always in a bad mood around the house because of his financial situation and there wasn’t much romance left,’ she says. After living together
for two months, the couple decided to break up. ‘If we had moved in together at the right pace, on an equal footing, maybe the relationship could have survived. But because of the panic and money situation, the whole thing felt unnatural and rushed,’ she says. ‘I’ve realised how important it is to want to move in with someone, rather than doing it for convenience.’
The strain that finances put on Sasha’s relationship is not unique. A 2023 survey found that nearly 60% of people say the cost of living crisis has negatively impacted their relationship – with 30% admitting they’re only staying with their partner because they fear ‘not being able to afford living alone’. At the most extreme end of the spectrum,
rising costs are also forcing people to live with their exes after a break-up because one or both can’t afford to move out. None of this, of course, will be lost on single people, who have long faced the so-called ‘single tax’. A study found that married couples and those living together are £102 a month better off per head than single people, with couples who live apart falling somewhere between the two.
However, that’s not to say moving in together quickly can’t work out. Carly_,_ 27, moved in with her partner, Luke, this year, after just three months of dating. The couple met on a dating app and had a ‘whirlwind’ romance, going on holiday together after just two weeks. When they met, Carly was buying a property and Luke was coming to the end of his tenancy. ‘What we were each paying for rent was the cost of the mortgage, so it made sense to move in together and split the monthly payment between two,’ says Carly, whose name was on the mortgage. ‘Although it was initially for convenience, it felt right.’
Her friends, she says, were supportive of her decision but her parents were more apprehensive. Carly says there has been ‘no tension’ since Luke moved in. They split all their living costs, from food to bills, down the middle, and chores are divided ‘50/50’. Carly says she and Luke have ‘similar salaries’, which helps make things equal. But what’s the secret to their blissful cohabiting? ‘It’s like we’ve managed to prolong the honeymoon stage because we’re still in an exciting phase of dating,’ she says.
However, Carly explains the situation hasn’t saved her as much money as she anticipated. ‘My living expenses have
halved, but I’ve started to spend more on treats, such as dinner out and clothes,’ she says. ‘When I lived on my own, I didn’t have an “enabler”. If I was going to have a quiet night to save money, I’d stick to it, but now I find myself being more spontaneous.’
Likewise, 10 years ago Kate Claxton, 36, author of the children’s book My Mum’s A Tiger, moved in with her boyfriend after they had been together for three months. Their arrangement came about after Kate’s dream job came up near her boyfriend’s home, and she couldn’t afford to live by herself. ‘Money was tight, so suddenly shopping for food together, cooking for two people and splitting utility bills helped us financially,’ she says. A decade later, the pair are happily married and have a daughter. ‘I don’t remember being worried about how fast things moved at the start, maybe because of the innocence of youth,’ she says.
So, is there a right amount of time to wait before moving in together? Not according to psychotherapist Rick Hughes, author of Get A Life! Creating A Successful Work-Life Balance. ‘Usually, couples know because it
just feels right,’ he says. ‘For some, it’s a clear no-brainer, whereas others may be anxious and unsure. Talking openly about these uncertainties helps to flesh out any issues, and can help to reduce any unnecessary inhibitions.’ For couples who are planning to take the plunge, he says factors such as having similar attitudes to hobbies, socialising and finances, lots of patience and empathy, and good communication skills are key to helping them settle into the new dynamic. Dishwasher habits included.
* Names have been changed.
New relationship language to know
Spider-Webbing
Toxic behaviours, from ghosting to gas-lighting, that have woven together to the point where you can no longer recognise them.
Therapy Baiting
The phenomenon of people using their experience of therapy to appear sensitive and attract potential partners.
Roaching
Concealing the fact that you’re seeing multiple people from your new romantic partner.
Master-dating
Enjoying quality time alone, practising self-care and taking yourself out on solo dates.
Beige flags
A partner’s habits that aren’t a dealbreaking red flag, but they’re not a green flag, either.