The 17 Weirdest News Stories From 2015

Just in case you've forgotten here's what went down this year

Weird Shit That Actually Happened In 2015

by Sophie Wilkinson |
Published on

Ever get the feeling that some things happened just billions of years ago? That the child from the Nirvana album is all grown up and the Spice Girls’ W_annabe_ is 19? Well, sometimes we get that feeling with things that actually happened this year. Either they’re so bizarre we haven’t placed them within a historical context, or they just really shouldn’t still be happening in 2015.

We’ve compiled a list of stuff that definitely happened this year but seemed way too bizarre to be happening in 2015. That said, we’ve not included anything violent/too distressing as, you know what, we’d sadly be here for way too long. Enjoy all the weird stuff that happened in 2015...

1. The Dress


Was it blue and black? Was it white and gold? Was it just a pretty hideous dress? Dividing the world by an entirely arbitrary rule (whether your eyes picked up certain pigments or others), it was a welcome moment of meaningless yet distinctly partisan debate that wasn’t about the bloody election.

2. Saint West

Kanye and Kim had another baby and they called him ‘Saint’, making ‘North’ look incredibly pedestrian by comparison. The fact we’ve all but forgotten North was flown out to Jerusalem with her parents to be baptised by orthodox monks is testament to how dazzlingly brilliant the name Saint is. How well his moniker will be received by the monks is yet to be seen.

3. Richard Blackwood joined the cast of Eastenders

Despite promising to only join Eastenders ‘when I’m fat and 50’, Danny Dyer jumped right into the fold, becoming landlord of the Queen Vic in 2013. This year, Richard Blackwood joined him, but there’s no word yet on when Anthony Costa will make an appearance.

4. 50 Shades of Grey came out in 2015

Seriously. It might seem like aeons (and a whole book sequel) ago, but that might be because of the years of hype that preceded the widely-panned film. Since, Sam Taylor-Wood has stepped down from directing any sequels, Jamie Dornan has allegedly demanded more money to appear in any of the sequels and Rita Ora’s managed to go from strength to strength (probably because her cameo was so utterly temporary).

5. The Egg Cooker

Despite looking like something that should have been invented and uninvented in the 1970s, the machine which turns eggs into cylinders and all your dreams into nightmares was an actual thing in 2015. The noise it produced as it ejected the wobbly-stiff egg-roll from its innards may have appealed to those with a fondness for the ASMR [sounds that feel good] of people gently crunching noodle packets in their hands, but if you really like ASMR just listen to that, not this gross egg thing.

6. That Beach Body Ready advert

Shoving a skinny white blonde bikini-clad woman onto a billboard to ensure people feel insecure enough to buy whatever crap her body’s being used to sell is hardly a revolutionary move, but Protein World made huge profits after doing just that.

The trick? To laugh at all the outrage their ‘are you beach body ready?’ advert caused, and to get on side with a whole load of ‘this is PC gone mad’ types who a) fancy a go on the blonde and/or b) would prefer to not believe in sexism. Needless to say, these people are as thick as the protein shakes they’re chugging.

7. The General Election

Yes, way before Labour was arguing about Jeremy Corbyn and his gang of Trotskyists (what is the collective noun for a bunch of Trotskyists? A bunch? A gaggle? A trot?) being in charge of the party, and the Tories were basically giving themselves big old pat on the backs, there was a mahoosive general election. And then...

8. David Cameron and The Pig

Ever done something stupid at university? Well, David Cameron allegedly flopped his penis into the gaping mouth of a dead pig. Lessons learned? We all do stupid things at university, such as making the acquaintance with now-journalist Toby Young, who will later go on to say that that stupid thing you did at uni ‘reflects well’ on you.

Oh, and that regardless of the story’s accuracy – of course, Cameron could act raucous at uni – he didn't have to face a whopping £51,000 debt after graduation.

9. Shia LaBeouf’s Rat Tail

We have no words.

10. Crufts’ Dog Food Murder Scandal

If you haven’t seen the Best In Show, the mockumentary about a violently competitive dog show, then you could enjoy a microcosm of its black comedy with the news that a dog in the running to win had allegedly been poisoned.

It was later found that the toxic meat poor Irish settler Jagger had ingested was done after the Crufts show in his own home in Belgium.

So if you’re hankering for a story of dog eat dog vindictiveness, best to watch the film. No animals were harmed in the making of this film.

11. Robin Thicke Still Being a Thing

We weren’t expecting it, no, but as well as the Blurred Lines writers being forced to hand over $7m in damages to the estate of Marvin Gaye, Thicke was also forced to atone via a confession that he was ‘high or drunk’ when he recorded his vocals. Doesn’t make them less creepy, but hey, at least HE won’t enjoy listening to it any more.

12. Louis Tomlinson Becoming a Dad

While young, One Direction made a habit of tweeting their idols ‘dad’ and ‘daddy’ and Louis Tomlinson clearly made a habit of having unprotected sex. Or just did it once, in which case, bad bloody luck. Because LA stylist Briana Jungwirth, whom he met mere weeks after announcing his split from Eleanor Calder, is having his child in the new year.

While he’s forced a grin to say he’s ‘buzzin’ about the new arrival, himheand Briana won’t be making a go of things as a couple.

As far as ‘shocking things about 1D’s evolution’ goes, Zayn Malik’s departure from 1D might have come as a surprise to some. But it was hardly shocking, as he’d clearly not wanted to be in the band for months. His life has taken as many twists and turns as Harry Styles’s hair since – like breaking up with fiancée Perrie Edwards, making music with Frank Ocean’s producer. But compared to getting a random girl up the duff? Small fry.

13. Rachel Dolezal

OK, she probably errs on the side of breaking our ‘nothing violent’ rule because though she’s devoted much of her adult life to helping black people, pretending to be one isn’t exactly that… correct.

After her biological parents revealed they were, in fact, white, making her 100% Caucasian, her story went viral, with people asking whether it’s possible to transcend race and whether the fact that Rachel was able to remove her ‘blackness’ at any point gave her an unfair advantage over actual real black people, who get a bit of a shoddy ride in the US.

By ‘bit of’ we mean institutionalised racism…

14. The Girl Whose Boobs Caused An Earthquake

There’s nothing kosher about David Cameron putting his willy in a pig, but at least he was alleged to have done this in a place where it’s considered some posh boy ritual. As for Ellie Hawkins, the backpacker who got naked on a mountain with a bunch of mates? Not so lucky.

Being in a very conservative part of Malaysia, she was thrown into jail for this indecent exposure. Much hype was made about her boobs apparently offending the gods – not least from The Sun, which finally stopped using topless models on its own page 3 this year – but it was nonsense. Ellie served three days in jail before she was freed and allowed to return home.

15. The Zac Efron EDM Film

How do we make a load of money? We make a film about a phenomenon that’s making a lot of money. We put handsome men in it. We get the girl from 2013’s most talked about music video to act in it. We create a struggle. And then we crank the bass up and watch as thousands of young ravers hold their hands aloft and shakes their fists at the screen, wondering why they didn’t spend that £8 for the cinema for half a pill instead.

16. Attacks On Cereal Café

What’s ruining London? Is it the threat of terror, unchecked harassment of minorities and women, sky high rents and corrupt councils teaming up with property developers to create soulless chintzy houses and offices that plough into the sky as investment opportunities for wealthy people living overseas?

No, it’s two Ian Watkins lookalikes who run a cafe where you can buy cereal. Class War took them on as part of an anti-gentrification protest in east London. While we get that it sucks that one of London’s poorest boroughs can see cereal priced at £4 a bowl, perhaps the real fight is to be had half a mile down the road, where the bankers who got us into all this mess a few years back are still reigning supreme.

17. Taylor’s Swift Never Ending Gang

Now she’s been denounced as a Nazi by Camille Paglia, we sort of want to join Taylor’s girl squad, if only out of defence for the singer. She looks like a Nazi wet dream, sure, but it doesn’t quite mean she’s ordered the mass deaths of all disabled people, entire races and creeds.

No, when Taylor gets people together, it’s to grab headlines and make fans and onlookers feel a bit euphoric, a touch jealous and sort of confused as to how she even knows this many people.

You might also be interested in:

10 Things We’ve Learnt From The 2015 General Election Campaign

What Colour Is This Dress? Nobody Can Decide And Social Media Is Broken

Louis Tomlinson Confirms Dad News, Says He's ‘Buzzing

Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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