So, you’re engaged? Congratulations! So happy for you. Over the moon. Now listen up, before you go any further - because if there’s one thing I wish someone had given me as an engagement gift, it’s a list of things not to do at your wedding. Of course, everyone has their own ideas about what they want and differing priorities. But there are some parts of saying ‘I do’ that the women I spoke to desperately wish they could undo.
For me? Five years into my marriage and I’m happy to report that I’d still wed the same man. But do I wish we’d chosen a photographer who would actually take pictures of our families and not just my prettiest friend? Do I regret not putting more time into picking VPL-free underwear? Might I get less drunk if we could do it all again? Yes, yes and yes.
So if you’re one of those who got engaged over Christmas or New Year (December being the most popular month for popping the question) here’s some advice from brides who learnt what not to do, the hard way…
‘I wish I hadn’t shouted at my mum’ - Georgina, 41
My dress had a train that you could hook up at the back for the dance floor. They showed me, and my mum, how to do it in the boutique, but on the day we couldn't make it work. I got really frustrated and shouty at my mum - total stressy bride vibes. Ultimately, it didn’t matter - I just held the train and people make way for you anyway, because you’re the bride. I would say not to stress about such unimportant details. No one cares and it’s all about the mood on the day. Also, if you have a dress like that, make sure to take a video of the technique to avoid any awful bridezilla shouting at your mum moments.
‘I was too worried about looking cool’ - Charlotte, 37
One of my biggest regrets is that I spent too much time thinking about how our wedding would look to other people and not what we actually wanted. The band we chose was a bit too cool for school and I wish we’d had more fun music - even just a DJ playing all the wedding classics that everyone loves. I was too caught up with seeming elegant, when really I would have preferred Come on Eileen.
‘Why did I let my mum do the catering?’ - Nina, 36
My one big regret is agreeing to my mum doing the catering. At the time, my now-husband and I thought we were being so clever and saving a tonne of money. Which we were and the food was lovely… but she’s teetotal. The only drinks were tea urns and a couple of bottles of wine for more than 50 guests. Some ended up bringing wine with them - it was mortifying. While you might want to include your family in your special day, don’t feel pressured into saying ‘yes’ to their vision, when it’s yours that matters.
‘I regret cutting a fringe’ - Lauren, 45
I was working in an office of pretty much all women and somehow let them convince me that I’d really suit a fringe. It was in that era of famous women - Lily Allen, Keira Knightly - all having blunt fringes and looking fabulous. So, one lunchtime, I went to a hairdressers close to work and got it done. I hated it immediately but there was nothing I could do because it was TWO WEEKS before my wedding - madness. I didn’t feel as though I looked like myself on the day and it shows in the photos, too.
‘I let anxiety ruin the day’ - Fara, 39
I stressed about everything to do with my wedding - the usual stuff beforehand about my dress and not being thin enough. Then on the day itself, I let the things that went wrong (and they always do) drag me down instead of laughing them off. The MC kept giving speeches instead of just introducing people. The best man’s speech was horrific because he was so hammered and no one could understand him. And I fell out with my cousin that morning, when I let slip to his wife that he’d forgotten to RSVP - they couldn’t come - meaning we’d paid for their food and couldn’t get a refund. We haven’t spoken in the five years since. I really wish I could have done all the subsequent therapy to address it before the Big Day itself, meaning I could have let all the mishaps roll off my back.
Read more from Claire at Substack