Those guys over at Student Beans are back with their annual The University Sex League Survey and they’re gagging to tell you which university is having the most sex. It couldn’t come at a better time, really, because finals are over and it’s a perfect opportunity for you to look back over the last three years and make yourself feel bad about the number of people you managed to shag in between library visits and downing jelly shots at the local Yates's. Thanks Student Beans!
Apparently there’s something in the seawater in Brighton, because Brighton Uni topped University Sex League for having students with the average number of sexual partners during their time at university with an average of 10.29. Chester came second in the survey with 9.94 partners, but poor Bath Spa students were obviously too busy studying to get lucky because they came in last in 109th place with 2.57 partners. And the old Oxbridge rivalry was played out again, with Oxford coming in at 23rd place with 5.89 partners to Cambridge’s 54th with only 4.70 partners. In terms of subjects, philosophy and hospitality were the most rampant, with around 7 partners each, but students taking engineering, nursing and human resources trailed behind as the least sexually active. Poor lambs.
Before you mentally scroll through your Facebook friend-list to see how you measure up, maybe you should have a look at the rest of the survey, because some of the results are a bit baffling - and we're not sure we're buying it.
They say: 51% of uni students define themselves as in a relationship
We say: Really? Are they sure? Maybe it’s just us, but our university experience was definitely defined by a stringent singleness that made screeching about ‘hilarious sexcapades’ a competitive sport and if any was in a relationship, they sure as hell weren’t speaking up about it. Anyway, how on earth could you sleep with 10.29 over three years if half the university population were all loved-up?
They say: 39% believe they will meet their life-long partner at university
We say: We really hope this isn’t true. We know thing worked out marvellously for Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge, but our uni snogs veered from the utterly ridiculous (remember when you found ‘brooding alcoholic’ an attractive character trait?) to the eye-achingly embarrassing (that spotty, social inept, BO smelling guy you accidentally snogged during freshers week and spent the rest of your course trying to avoid). If our future life-partners are limited to the tiny pool of people we met at university, we might as well just give up now.
They say: A quarter of students had a sexual relationship with one of their housemates
We say: This number is worryingly small. What could be more romantic than sharing a pot-noodle surrounded by the detritus of last night’s house party whilst Withnail and I flickers on the television in the background? Your eyes lock as you both reach for the end of the same joint in the ashtray. You both take a sharp intake of breath. Sparks fly. You know it’s wrong, but you also know having sex with your housemate is a far superior option than going onto campus and snoring through your critical thinking elective. If the true number isn’t more like 99% of students, we’ll eat our hats.
Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophiecullinane
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.