Eightenn years ago today, a little single called Wannabe was released. You might know it. It was by popular 90s girlband The Spice Girls and went on to inspire a generation of girls to live their lives by the 'Girlpower' mantra (and make Simon Fuller richer than his wildest dreams of course). We took this opportunity to watch the video back. Now normally this is done at 3AM, several bottles of pinot down, which means we can't normally remember what actually happens. Watching it sober though is er, sobering. Here's a few things we're now very concerned about.
Why did Emma Bunton steal a tramp’s hat?
The girls have spoken before about what it was like being poor and living in a shared house (and stealing loo roll) at the beginning, but were they really so out of pocket that Emma needed to pinch a homeless man’s protection against the cold night air? No. Watch out for a few seconds later when she jumps an elderly doorman and scatters his papers everywhere. If picking on the lower classes doesn't spell girlpower then we don't know what does.
Who is the man that tries to attack them?
An exasperated tour manager grumpy from chasing the girls all over London as he finds out what it's really like to try and babysit a bunch of university-aged girls hocked up on their first taste of free champagne? Possibly. Otherwise it’s probably just your bog-standard Spice Girls fan (middle aged and male, obvs) trying to get an autograph. Nothing creepy about that is there?
Why doesn’t Victoria get any time in the limelight?
Arguably the best singer in the band, VB doesn’t ever find herself centred in front of the camera in the whole video. Not like Mel B does anyways. She does spend a lot of time sitting on mens laps though. And vogueing. SO much vogueing. Ironic, as this month she’s actually IN Vogue and will probably never be caught vogueing again.
**What the hell is this wonderful lady’s story?
**
Trashy two-tone hair and a rich lady pearl necklace? Such a clash of class iconography has never been displayed so gloriously in a single look. Is she actually an eccentric hairdresser from Essex who wandered in off the street? Or was she just an early style crusader for the hairstyle adopted by a generation of misguided schoolgirls? Sadly, we’ll never be able to ask her. She’s pretty old in the video so erm, 18 years on? We’re guessing she’s now watching Wannabe from her glorious mansion in the sky.
Where do they go next?
A smash and grab at the cash point outside The Met Bar? A pillaging rampage through Fortnum and Mason? An arson attack at Buckingham Palace? Who knows where their reign of terror on London’s high society hangouts will end? Sleep with one eye open One Percenters. Sleep with one eye open.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.