Rejoice Woody and Buzz fans! Today sees the most glorious announcement ever; Disney Pixar are going to make a Toy Story 4.
Unlike other film sequel announcements, this is actually a good thing – because it definitely won’t be shit. It might even be better than the last one. If Toy Story 3 is anything to go by.
Anyways, before this new film hits in 2017, we've got a few questions that need answering from the first three. Answers on a postcard kids.
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Did Andy's mum hate him?
Packing for university doesn't generally involve cleaning your entire room out including the bedsheets does it? Our teenage bedroom is still filled with stuffed toys, glitter hair wands from the front of Mizz magazines and our CD collection (seven editions of Kiss Smooth Grooves). Why did Andy’s mom make the poor chap leave an entirely empty room behind before making him drive HIMSELF to university? Did she not care for him but a little bit? Where did he sleep when he came home for Christmas? Or was he not allowed? Poor little guy.
What were the rules?
There’s literally no rhyme or reason as to which toy is able to speak and which doesn’t. Consider this if you will: Rex is a dog and had a voice, but Bullseye was a horse who couldn’t speak. Incidentally the Chatter Phone could speak whilst RC the car (another inanimate object on wheels) couldn’t. Also since a large number of the toys were probably created in the Far East, why aren't their first languages Taiwanese and Chinese? What's with the American accents? WHO MAKES THE RULES WOODY?
Was Woody repressing some memories?
Falling out of favour with Andy hit old Woody hard, from movies one to three it was the sole driving force behind the sad cowboy's existence. But Woody was actually pretty old. In fact, he was created in 1958, so what happened in the forty years between then and Toy Story 1? Surely he was owned by another kid that totally forgot about him too? Funny how Woody never mentioned that. Get him on the therapist's couch though, we bet it’d all come out.
How did the toys deal with Andy as an adult
Like it or not, Andy grew up into a fully fledged 18 year old – doing things that 18 year olds do. The toys were pretty square; how did they deal when Andy came back to his bedroom stoned or drunk or worse… with a GIRL. Did they witness some things that no toy with their innocent plastic-y brains should have to see? Probably.
Why the hell did Andy brand his toys?
Never something we or anyone we know did, what sort of control freak was young Andy that he had to write his name on his toys in permanent marker? Or did he just go to a horrendous nursery school where kids were constantly on the prowl for toys to steal at all times? Either way, there’s a bigger story there.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.