In case you thought life coaching was all about introspective rich people paying someone to fix their non-existent problems, think again. In fact, life coaches are now deemed to be so useful that they're being employed to help over 4000 Londoners who are struggling to hold down work. The £11 million scheme, run by Central London Forwardis being heralded by Boris as the city doing their ‘utmost to help every Londoner possible to get into work’.
But could a life coach actually help you figure out your life? I wasn’t so sure. Surely I’m too cynical for all that, plus, do the things I worry about actually count as ‘problems’ that need solving? ‘I think you could take any problem to a life coach.’ Says Michael Toller, a coach operating in London. ‘I don’t think there’s anything too small because ultimately, if it’s a small thing that bothers someone immensely than it’s not a small thing to them, it’s a massive thing.’
So why do most of Michael’s clients first get in touch? ‘It’s useful for when people get to that point when they say, “I want to do something about this but I don’t quite know how to move past it.”’ He says. ‘They might want to make a new start, develop new habits, plan something new or just start thinking about options for the future. I’ve worked with people on relationships or other personal issues, health issues, work relationships, changing careers, doing something new within in a career, moving upwards or just doing what you do better.’
So how does a life coach help you with all this? ‘A relationship with a coach is an opportunity to maybe discuss things in confidence with someone who isn’t directly involved in your life.’ Your friends might go “I’m really sorry you feel like crap” whereas a life coach might say, ‘Let’s sit with that feeling of anxiety and figure out when and why it happens. It might not be comfortable but that’s why you’re there in the first place.
I ask Michael to take me as an example. I KNOW for instance, that getting anxious about things is one of the main reasons I’m not as productive as I could be; should I reach out and try and work with that really amazing girl I met on Twitter? I could, but what if she rejects me? Or worse, ignores me? More often than not, it's negative feelings like this that make me shy away from opportunites. Is this something that a life coach might be able to help me with? ‘That feels real to me.’ Says Michael. ‘If you came to me and said that I’d say, “Can you tell me more about when you feel this way; where you are, who you’re with, what’s happening when it’s going on? And, is it happening outside work too?”’ The answer to this of course, is yes, because I’m a 20-something girl living in the digital age and everything is scary all of the time (just in case you thought you were alone.)
So just how would Michael go forward from there if I was his client? ‘Every case is different. Different people need different things from the coaching relationships. Often coaching does include some exercises like doing some exploration of the client’s values, what’s important to them. Then together we’ll figure out how to use what they find in that exploration to address the problem.’ So it’s about giving you ammo to help cope with your problem? ‘Yeah, and about making changes rather than just fixing your symptoms. It’s not the crash diet, it’s looking at what you eat and how much exercise you do. Making small realistic changes and building on those to get to a different level.’
Chances are, if I feel like I need a life coach, there are plenty more 20-somethings where I'm coming from. Has Michael noticed more 20-something girls heading his way? ‘I’ve worked with more women than men and they tend to be on the younger side of middle aged. There’s so much stuff going on for 20-somethings whether it’s to do with their careers or thinking about the next ten years and what happens, coaching deals with changes and the changes going on for a 20-something are big.’
So why are we suddenly more open to life coaching than say, a few years back? ‘Today we work with our minds rather than our hands. Due to the society and the economy and the culture we live it it’s really important that we keep our emotional identities happy. How well we function in society is kind of our currency in a way. Part of the decisions I’ve made in my life are to do with making the most of my abilities and playing to my strengths. It’s about making choices based on who I am. Luckily I live in a society where I am free to do that but I think that brings with it a responsibility to do that well. I think people today are aware that maybe money doesn’t make them happy and the questions they’re asking themselves are if it isn’t money and it isn’t fame, what is it and what is it about me that will make me content. This is something that life coaching can help you explore.
Michael Toller is based in London and works as a life and career coach. If you would like to find out more about coaching, or are interested in finding out how coaching can help you, please visit his website.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.