A Few Things You’re Still Too Scared To Do In Case Mum Finds Out

That nose piercing? What WOULD Mum say?


by Jess Commons |
Published on

You’ve moved out of home, cut the old purse strings and headed out into the land of independent womaning. But apparently you’re still shit scared of what Mum thinks about what you get up to. In a new study, over half of women admitted that they’d love to be ‘more daring’ but are scared of ‘what mum would say’. The logical answer is of course that you’re a grown up and Mum can't exactly tell you off any more but it’s the judgement you fear the most, especially after she said how proud of you she was last week when you managed to figure out what your tax code was all by your very self.

Here are some things we’re too scared to do in case Mum pulls the old ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed’ line.

Ditch your boring boyfriend

It's been a couple of years and you’ve had a good run but if you’re perfectly honest, Nice Guy Brian’s just not doing it for you any more. It’ll be sad yes, but it’s your mum you’re really worried about. Especially since she bought you those vitamins for your reproductive system a few months back (just in case) even though you’ve told her time and again kids aren’t on the way any time soon because this is 2014 and you live in a house with four other people and you guys have killed three houseplants between you in the last month.

Get a Tattoo

You’ve been thinking about getting a nice triangle on your wrist for a few months now and it’s pretty safe to accept that now you’ve started working you’re never going to find yourself in an industry where a visible tattoo the size of a penny matters all that much. Still, it’s that ‘disappointed’ look on your mum’s face you couldn’t bear as she mentally works out how you’re now one step closer to a career as a drug runner than a doctor.

Smoke at home

It’s been nearly six years of having the odd ciggie when you’re a bit tiddly. Hell, you’ve even smoked in front of your dad when he has his Christmas cigarette down behind the garden shed. But for some reason when Mum casually asked about the cigarette packet she found in your jeans pocket you immediately denied all knowledge before ‘admitting’ they were actually your mate Hannah’s and you were just ‘holding’ them for her.

Film your sexploits

Sure, it sounds like fun and the idea of watching it back really intrigues you but, despite the fact your mum can barely work the text function on her iPhone let alone open a new tab on Safari, the idea of the video somehow ending up on the internet and her coming across it is just all too much. It’s the same reason you cover up the webcam on your (off) laptop when you get busy. Just ‘in case’ it somehow live streams into your parents' living room.

Go travelling

Really, your job’s going nowhere and there’s not much in the way of alternative careers presenting themselves to you ATM so really you’d like to sack it all off and go travelling before you get too old to think that sleeping in a hostel room with 14 strangers is weird. Shame your mum’s got it in her head that quitting your job in the recession is a terrible idea. If we're totally honest she's probably right but we'd rather realise that lying down flat on a beach in Costa Rica thank you very much.

Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons

Picture: Getty** **

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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