Polly, 31, lives in London and works in publishing.
The last person I had sex with was someone I work with, a couple of weeks ago. We used to have a thing five or six years ago, but while the sex was amazing the timing didn’t work out. He was involved with a long-term girlfriend and I moved on to another relationship. It was awkward and difficult having to see him every day, but we got used to it. Ever since then we’ve gone through this cyclical pattern where we get close in the office because we’re working on a project together, start interacting in a way that’s not entirely professional – and end up sleeping together. After that we don’t talk for a while. Then it starts over again – and again.
I can always tell if it’s going to happen because in the build-up we’ll start talking more and I’ll get a message from him about work at the weekend. That’s the giveaway sign. We were out at a work event recently and there was this understanding that we were going to go home together. We were in a group of people and then we both made a subtle exit and went back to his and pretty much started having sex straight away. It was quite drunken. But then we had sex again in the morning, too.
The good thing about sleeping together on and off for years is he knows my body. And he’s... how do I say this? He’s not lazy. He’s good at sex, he makes an effort but it’s not corny, it works out. It’s quite energetic and he always goes down on me, which I really like. We didn’t use protection. It wasn’t an active decision but I guess it’s partly a consequence of us not being strangers. Still, it’s dumb because we’re both single and sleeping with other people. When our relationship first started I was obsessed with him; I fell in love hard and it was so intense. But now so much has happened - we’ve both been through other relationships and had big break-ups. There isn’t really any niceness left. We’ve pushed it too far.
We’ve never done anything ‘normal’; we’ve never even been out for dinner. We had lunch together once and we’ve gone for breakfast – but we have never been for dinner. And yet I know him so well. Physically, it’s so familiar. It’s fine at work, but only because we have this very established routine. There was a stage when we were both with other people so we didn’t sleep together but we were still quite close – we’d go to each other with problems. But we’re not as emotionally close any more.
Perhaps that’s because, while I used to want to be in a relationship with him, I’ve realised now it would never work. I once asked him why we’re not in a relationship and, while he didn’t give me a straight answer, I think it’s because I remind him of the stuff he hates about himself and regrets about his past relationships. Over time, that’s made me realise he’s not the type of guy I actually want to share my life with. But it’s tough sometimes and when I feel lonely it’s tempting to go back to something familiar. Especially when what’s familiar is great sex.
Next week: the dating-app addict who’s tried them all