Not entirely sure who made it legal to send people to work the day when it's 26 degrees outside. Either way, fuck them because everyone knows there’s little more depressing than being tied to your desk when you know your slacker and student friends are sitting on their arses in the park drinking their body weight in cider. Dickheads.
Here’s how to get through the day when you’d rather be outside.
Rig up some sort of blackout system
The sunny day equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going ‘LALALALA’. If you can’t see the sun, it’s not happening. The trouble is, those ropey blinds aren’t going to cut it; you need full-on blanket coverage of all windows to truly alienate yourself from the outside world.
May we suggest that you finally make use of all those old coats gathering dust on the hatrack from last winter and construct a hastily pulled together set of blackout curtains that 1941 Britain would have been proud of?
Sort the heating situation
Hey, if you can’t be outside, at least you can feel like you are. Sweet-talk your facilities manager and get him to crank the heating up to 11. Sure you’ll be uncomfortable and sweaty, but at least it’ll remind you that sitting directly in the sun isn’t actually always an enjoyable experience.
Ask your boss if you can take your meeting outside
An unlikely ask since you’re not in Year Two, but worth a shot anyways. If only to see the girl that tries to dress like Kate Middleton every day struggle to sit down on the grass without getting stains everywhere.
Slather yourself in anti-aging cream
And remind yourself that while spending this afternoon sitting in the park in a bikini might have resulted in a pinky-brownish hue on your shoulders, it would have worn off in less than a day and caused all sorts of damage to your skin.
Staying indoors this afternoon almost definitely means you’ll look as good as J-Lo when you’re 44.
Avoid every tabloid newspaper
The last thing you need right now is to be reminded that the UK is currently ‘SIZZLING’ as ‘temperatures SOAR to RECORD HIGHS’. Also not helpful? The pictures plastered on the front pages of girls in bikinis frolicking on the Cornish coast. Get back to writing about Kim and Kanye, please guys.
Give Instagram a miss
For whatever reason there’s a whole bunch of your mates on their hols right now and it’s hot dogs or legs a go-go. Just remind yourself that while they’re over in Greece or wherever, they’ve missed out on the weekend we’ve just had, they’re using up their holidays and when they come back it’s going to be bloody freezing.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
Picture: Getty
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.