When Piper Chapman, anti-heroine of Orange is the New Black, tattooed herself at the end of last season, she’d learned it the hard way: if you want it done right, do it yourself. 'Cliché my ass,' she muttered, grinning through the pain of etching onto herself the infinity symbol she’d previously been mocked for wanting.
There are lots of reasons why someone might choose to turn the tattoo needle on themselves, but regardless of their motivations, it’s always a very personal experience. If you’re the one pushing the ink, you can’t look away and wait for it to be over. You have to sit there, repeating the action maybe for several hours - you are in full control of creating the mark that, if you succeed, will stay on your skin for life.
When it comes to tattoos there's definitely more to it than meets the eye. One study has even found that people with fresh tattoos had a better appreciaton of their own body, higher self esteem and lower anxiety right after getting tattooed. Our internal feelings is inextricably linked to our outward appearance, we all know that and the act of getting a tattoo or process of tatooing yourself is no exception.
Katherine Coffey, 36, first tattooed herself when she was 22, while at university in London. The two banners on her feet read ‘Heroes’ and ‘Villains’, a play on the old-school standard of having opposite phrases on your knuckles. 'Plus I’m a big Beach Boys fan!' Katherine, a graphic designer, still loves her foot tattoos: 'I find them just as valid as so-called ‘real’ tattoos. I'm someone who spends a lot of money on tattoos, and travels a long way to get them done by specific artists - I take it seriously. But at the same time, I don't actually take it that seriously!'
Katherine, who describes herself as 'fairly covered' in ink, says going to a tattoo parlour is more about getting someone else’s art on your skin. Doing it yourself, however, is how you get exactly what you want. 'With many of the professional tattoos I've got, I've often thought I'd have done it a little differently. I'm a fussy customer!' She laughs. 'So [doing it yourself] is also about being in control of your own body, and having the final say in what you look like. … The experience of marking yourself is definitely more empowering than going to someone else and asking them to do it for you.'
Before embarking on her DIY tattoo project, Katherine sought advice from someone who’d done it already. But it was still a bit of trial and error: 'I got some fine sewing needles and wrapped them tightly with thread, and used graphic pen ink. That worked really well. … I went over the tattoos maybe three times.' The tattoos look pretty good for home-made ones, but Katherine says she never intended them to look perfect. 'I've always thought, I don't care if anyone ever sees this tattoo, I'm not doing it for anyone else's benefit. It’s a personal thing, and I want this on me.'
For Thea Dery, 20, the process of inking her own skin became something of a meditation. 'It was satisfying to do it, like how people knit or draw as a relaxing experience. Once you get past the pain it's a repetitive, satisfying process.' Thea, who’s currently living in Chile as part of her Spanish university studies, was 18 when she put an eye on her finger - it’s currently her only tattoo. She’s interested in getting more formal work done in the future, but that would need careful consideration.
Thea made sure she knew how to tattoo herself safely: she used calligraphy ink, sterilised needles, antiseptic wipes, and gloves. But the actual design of her DIY ink was impulsive: 'It was a spur of the moment decision to do it. My friends had gone away that weekend and I was alone, watching a movie. I figured that since I had the materials I should try it out, just a little one on my finger.'
Thea says it did hurt, at least in the beginning: 'But it quickly became numb, as you have to keep poking at the same spot. … I poked for almost two hours straight, just to get this tiny thing.' The tattoo is rough, says Thea, and she wouldn’t consider it well done. 'But it still makes me happy to look at it. The process of pushing the ink into my skin was an important experience about making a permanent decision about my body.'
19% of Britons and 24% of Americans have tattoos, according to a 2015 YouGov survey- permanent ink is no longer all that controversial. But historically, this is a very recent development. In her book, Bodies of Subversion, researcher Margot Mifflin explains how tattoos have swung back and forth from favour:
'No form of skin modification is as layered with meaning as tattooing, especially for women. Tattooed women of the 19th- and early 20th centuries flouted Victorian ideals of feminine purity and decorum,' writes Mifflin in the 2013 edition of her book. 'Tattoos appeal to contemporary women both as emblems of empowerment in an era of feminist gains, and as badges of self-determination at a time when controversies about abortion rights, date rape, and sexual harassment have made them think hard about who controls their bodies - and why.'
As Mifflin sees it the current tattoo revival stems back to the 1970s, when Janis Joplin became one of the first women to openly display ink in Western mainstream culture. Mifflin describes this as the start of overturning the unsavoury image of tattoos, which was previously considered the purview of aggressive men and sexually available women. These stigmas are now thankfully outdated, as today’s tattoos are associated more with self-expression, as well as an act for claiming your body as your own to do with as you please. The latter is especially true when it comes to the stick-n-poke tattoos people give themselves in their bedrooms.
For Cassandra Sherlock, 24, one of the key points to doing her own ink is that skin doesn’t have to be that precious - she’s even let other people practice on her. 'I've rejected this idea that it has to be a big deal about what your tattoos mean. Just because it's permanent doesn't mean it can't be something goofy or fun, or something you saw and thought, ‘That looks cool, I want it."'
Cassandra, a video editor and animator who lives in Indiana, has six home-made tattoos out of about 19 total. 'I started off doing these small geometric shapes. The first one was an X. I have these small circles, little moons, some dots ... I have two cats that I'm proud that I did myself. The two beets are more intricate. Those are the only ones with colour.' Asked why she chose to do it herself, Cassandra laughs: 'I was broke!' And also: 'I was a little bored, and I wanted more tattoos.'
Some of Cassandra’s DIY tattoos are stick-n-poke, but she’s also used a tattoo gun she bought on the internet. She doesn’t necessarily think it’s any more risky to do tattoos at home: 'I've seen people go to shops and get nasty infections.' Cassandra recommends buying professional tattoo needles and ink from a reputable shop - it’s not that expensive. Her homemade tattoos are important to her, says Cassandra - precisely because she did them herself: 'My [self-tattooing phase] wasn't necessarily a great time in my life, but I was proud of these things I made. They're always going to be a reminder of that.'
For Alfie, 27, from London self-adminstered tattoos are complex. When he started he says it was a 'combination of being curious about the craft, wanting to experiment and understand how people do it.' He observes that the act and art of tatooing itself is 'a bit narcissistic because, in some respects, you're doing it to try and make some kind of statement. You might also be trying to improve yourself and, maybe, it's also a bit of a confidence thing.' He notes that 'it can also be quite destructive'.
What do stick and poke tattoos feel like?
How does tattooing yourself actually feel? Beyond the physical sensations? Alfie says 'it was quite a nice feeling to be honest. But it was also weird. I've never ever self harmed and obviously that's completely different but it did occur to me, when I was doing it that there was something cleansing about it, almost cathartic - it felt good and I did think about that element of it.' What made him first consider turning the needle on himself? 'To be honest it came from the point of view of wanting to change the aesthetic of my tattoos - I didn't want them to look so 'shop -bought' if that makes sense? I wanted them to be more personal, more artisanal I guess.'
'Ultimately' he says 'it's all about changing how you look and how you appear to others. My tattoos have always come from a lack of self confidence, almost body dysmorphia at times.' However, that's not to say that the result is a negative one. 'I have a crucifix on my knee which came out really well. People don't really know that I did them to myself, I was studious and meticulous about it. I've never worried about the long term but, to be honest, I can't see myself regretting them.'
We all alter our appearances. Some of us prepare a face to meet the faces that we meet, some us dress a particular way for a particular event - however we feel internally is manifested externally somehow. Tattoos may be permanent but they're no more an act of self expression than the makeup we put on our faces, clothes we wear or ways in which we choose to style our hair. Alfie has a tattoo on his hand, it reads 'love me'. 'People take the piss' he tells me 'but it's not a message to them, it's not an invitation to anyone else. It's a message to me, it's only for me. 'When I wrote that on my hand it was a message to myself that no matter what – no matter what happens - if you don’t love yourself then nothing’s going to work out.'
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Follow Jess on Twitter @jessicafurseth
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.