Sleeping? LOL. Here’s The Stuff You’re *Actually* Using Your Bed For

Shit housemates, online streaming and lack of space is all driving us back to bed.


by Jess Commons |
Published on

You mucky pup, you. According to a new study, 21% of Generation Y report that they eat in bed at least once a week. Yep, we've been there sister. In fact, there's not much we don't do from the comfort of our own bed.

Here's a few things we use our beds for that aren't anything to do with sleep.

Home screening room

Remember all those douchebags (read: male rappers) on Cribs who'd turned their basements into home cinemas? And you know that bit when the camera would come into the room and all the star's equally douchebag mates would be sitting in there sipping Cristal and smoking cigars while they watched the latest epsiode of Entourage? Yeah. Screw those guys. Since your housemate is permanently watching Real Housewives in the living room, and you think she's a bit weird and don't really like spending time with her, your 'home screening room' (ie your humble living room) is all out of bounds to you. As a result, all your TV watching is done from the comfort of your (small) double bed via the medium of iPad-dery. Although, TBH, there's something deliciously naughty to be said for sitting under the covers watching The Honourable Woman with a pack of Pringles that no-one else can get their greasy mitts on.

Dining room

If you live in a house with randoms you know only too well how crucial it is to avoid the awkwardness of having to dine in the kitchen with them. Best-case scenario – you come home before everyone else, quickly blast something in the microwave and scarper up to your room before anyone else comes home. Worst-case scenario – they come home while you're making dinner which means you have to eat it in the kitchen while they make theirs to avoid looking like a total social douchebag. Bed is also your place to eat the drunk food you’re too embarrassed to eat in polite company. Not so good is in the morning when you wake up next to a Chicken Cottage box filled with the carcass of a once-delicious chicken.Way to kick off your weekend big guy.

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You did have a desk in your room at one point but the likelihood is, it either broke (pesky IKEA basic) or you had to ditch it in favour of stuff you really needed to fit in your miniscule room, like a bed for instance. Now you do all extra-curricular work like studying and/or writing your screenplay/novel from the comfort of your bed which you generally start off sitting on top of, before just sticking your legs under the covers (they were cold), before lying down horizontal with your laptop perched on your belly, before waking up and it’s 3AM and you’ve crushed your laptop in your sleep. Oops.

A Sofa

'Come on over for a cup of tea,' you said to your friend. 'It’ll be fun,' you said. What you didn’t anticipate what your waste of space housemate using the living room for a pot smoking/Xbox party. That is, if you’re even lucky enough to have a living room. Up to your room it is. If you place your pillows against the wall it’s almost like a sofa right?

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A Salon

Fake tanning, nail painting, eyebrow plucking, waxing and moisturising all take place in your little bed; your housemates would kill you if you took that long in the bathroom. As a result you've had to ban yourself from white and/or pastel-coloured duvet covers. Once fake tan takes hold there's no getting that baby out.


Or actually, maybe not. Sex in a shared house? Not with your squeaky handmedown bed that’s old enough to remember when sex was just for married peoples. On the floor it is.

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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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