If you stumbled into uni or work this morning bleary eyed with a knot of fear in your stomach, there’s a good chance that you spent one or more nights this weekend on a Mega Night Out. Further to the standard Friday or Saturday Night Out (a few drinks in the pub, perhaps some cheesy chips on the way home and a perfectly manageable hangover the next day) the Mega Night Out (MNO) is something that requires a bit more stamina and happens far less frequently (because otherwise you'd die).
But hey – we're not here to make you feel bad about it. Instead, here’s a few signs you had a MNO this weekend.
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The only sun you saw your whole weekend was on your walk home
When you careered home at 8AM, the first strains of sunlight were just breaking through the heavy clouds overhead. But when you woke up at 4PM, they were almost completely gone. And while you can blame a small amount of this on the whole daylight saving time thing, having a Sunday that is entirely dark is not exactly the most promising way to round off a week. Prepare for a sleepless night and mega Monday morning panic sweats.
There’s a person in your house and you’re not sure who it is
What is it about drinking all of the wine that makes you extra friendly? Whether it’s buying a round you can’t afford to making best friends with a randomer you met at the bar. Turns out she lived quite far away and Uber was on a premium fare nightmare last night. Luckily, since you guys made such good friends last night the fact that you said she could sleep on your couch wasn't weird at all. Until this morning, when you couldn’t remember her name.
The flashbacks are more painful than an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians
You know you did something bad, but at this hazy hued moment in time you can’t quite put your finger on what it was. It’s not until two days later when you're picking up your morning coffee thinking about how lucky you are to have dodged a bullet that it all comes screaming back in one horrifying memory; from trying to coax the top deck of the nightbus into a Cheryl Cole singalong while you ‘performed’ a sexy dance, to telling your best friend that her boyfriend is weird and once touched your boob, it’s a total fucking nightmare.
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You woke up and your room looks completely different
This normally goes one of two ways, either you've turned your room into a total disaster zone (see half eaten boxes of chicken, a pile of pyjamas as high as your bed in what was clearly a quest to find just the right ones, and a half smoked cigarette with lipstick on it dangling over the side of your bedside table in what was absolutely a fire risk a few hours ago) or, it’s like you’ve woken up in a parallel universe because apparently you seem to think that there's no better time to indulge in a spot of feng shui and do a massive clean than 5AM in the morning, two bottles of pinot down.
Watching Friends is too much of a commitment
There’s hangovers that will be sorted by a nice walk in the park, then there’s ones that’ll be solved by a bacon sandwich and a day of Netflix on the couch. Then there’s the one from a MNO; in which even resorting the last call for the hangover train – watching shit TV you’ve already seen from the safety of your bed is going to be too much for you. Instead you have to lie there, staring into space and wavering between nausea and paralysing head pain until things finally start to calm down at around 8PM.
You're now going to live off noodles until payday
At a certain point in the night, you stopped worrying about all the little everyday things that niggle away at you and cause you anxiety on a day-to-day basis. Things like money for instance, because really, when you've got your health and your friends, does money really matter all that much? Unfortunately for you today, you no longer have your health, or any friends (probably something to do with calling them all a bunch of 'fuckwits' before storming off home in the wrong direction). Unfortunately you also have no money, mainly down to the taxi you had to call to save you from heading off the wrong way but also largely due to the shots you kept buying for you and your new friend Rob or Carl or Johnny who seemed to 'get' you in a way that your normal friends no longer did. Unfortunately Rob or Carl or Johnny isn't going to pay your rent for you so… good luck with that.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.