A Few Signs You Absolutely Hate Your Job With Wild Abandon

Personal effects on your desk will only slow you down on you way out the door.


by Jess Commons |
Published on

Last week we helped a whole bunch of you realise that you actually – against all reason – don’t hate your job. In fact, you weirdly kind of like it. But a whole bunch more of you – the ones to whom Monday morning is a hurdle of Everestic proportions – aren’t so lucky. Any of the following sound familiar?

You can call on the old ‘nod and smile’ without even thinking about it

If you think about it, this does really stand to reason. Because whilst you’ve got an amazing group of friends, a super great boyfriend and a family you love, you spend 70% of your waking hours in the company of a colleague who spends 80% of his time talking about the vendetta Jane in accounts has against him. You can’t tell him to shut up, for obvious reasons. So the Nod (understanding) and Smile (sympathetic) comes very much in handy every time he goes off on one. Inside you’re head you’re singing Spiderpig.

You’ve had seafood poisoning more times that you care to remember

Also, a lot of dead distant relatives. Hey, time off is needed for these sorts of things. And you used up all your holiday on that two weeks you spent sitting in your pants with your phone turned off.

Netflix is your friend

Earphones in, lads. The less banter you have to hear around your desk the better. Little does your superior know that instead of listening to the latest chart hits on the national youth radio station, you’re actually working your way through the entire boxset of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. For the second time.

4:25AM is your new jam

It’s as if you set an alarm. Every day you suddenly find yourself wide awake drenched in sweat with the fear of God pitted in your knotted stomach, three hours before you’re due to actually get up. Of course, you then struggle to go back to sleep. Which is always fun.

The Christmas party is the worst time of the year

Stuck on a trestle table at Zizzi’s? No thanks. You can’t even get out to go to the loo without engaging in some sort of communication with the colleagues immediately adjaecent to you. Plus, leaving early is ‘frowned upon’ and anything is better than having the whole ‘team player’ talk again with HR.

You only go to the kitchen between 11:55am and 12:13pm

Too early for lunch and too late for mid-morning snacks. Basically, it’s the only time it’s empty and you don’t have to do that whole ‘how was your weekend/what are you up to this weekend’ thing – depending on what day of the week it is.

You’re unable to go for more than half an hour without peeing

Interspersing your Facebook meanderings with constant trips to the loo is the only way to keep the day interesting. Unfortunately you’ve now trained your bladder down to the size of a pea. Which can be awkward in the cinema/theatre/long car journeys.

Your desk might as well have tumbleweed rolling across it

Computer, phone and your door pass. That's all there is. Personal effects will only slow you down on your inevitable sprint for the door at 5PM.

Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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