Six weeks after giving birth I was back in the boardroom discussing a major restructuring of the business I work for, while a trickle of breast milk inched its way down my torso, my C-section scar still twinging. Despite this and the fact that I was so sleep-deprived that I almost missed my stop every morning on the hour-long commute to the office, I was delighted to be back at work, content in the knowledge my newborn son Oliver was safe in the care of my husband and my parents.
I’m aware that people may think I’m mad, but I’ve never once regretted my decision to return to work so soon after giving birth. I feel it has been beneficial not just to my career, but also our family, my marriage and my relationship with my son. Some people are happy to make their baby their sole focus and I respect and admire that, but honestly, I knew very early on that I would be a better parent if I had a balance between personal career fulfilment and motherhood.
After university, I was elated when I found a job as a trainee digital marketing executive in central Manchester. I loved the challenges of this emerging industry and I threw myself into work, enjoying a fast rise through the ranks, first to manager, then to head of department for search marketing, speaking at conferences all over Europe and the US.
In April 2014, I was offered a promotion to director. This meant I’d be stepping away from the day-to-day running of accounts and having much more say in the overall direction of the business. It was a huge step up, with a £65,000 salary to match. I was 29 at the time and the only woman on the board, which was a great responsibility and a source of pride.
Things were going equally well in my private life. A month after my promotion I married Michael, my partner of 10 years. Everything seemed to be falling into place – until life threw in a curve ball. We had planned to have children, but had thought that it would take at least a year to become pregnant.
In fact, it took weeks. at July, I found out we were expecting. I was very happy but then my thoughts turned to the practicalities of how to make this work. Regardless of the financial considerations – I was the bigger wage earner – I knew that I didn’t want to give up the role I had worked so hard to achieve. I spoke to friends who had babies and they said that within a couple of weeks of giving birth they had felt fine, and that within a month their babies were in a routine. In theory this seemed perfect – I could return to work after six weeks’ maternity leave. We decided I’d go back three days a week initially and then full-time a month later. Michael and my parents would look after Oliver. Luckily, Michael wasn’t resentful at all as he wanted an active role in co-parenting.
You might say I was naive to think all would go smoothly, but the pregnancy itself wasn’t a breeze so I learned to handle the demands of a new role while feeling distinctly under par. I suffered severe morning sickness and constant monitoring for blood pressure issues. I felt sure I’d feel in a better state to work after the birth – and actually, I did.
You might also say that the reason I was able to even contemplate leaving my baby so soon was because I’m missing some maternal gene, but I disagree. I think you know pretty early on whether you are someone who wants – and will – benefit from an extended period of leave, or whether from the outset you want to build a family routine that involves your other responsibilities. In my mind, whichever you decide is fine. You have to do what’s right for your family.
Of course, with a short maternity leave, an emergency C-section like mine does complicate things. And it turned out the blood pressure problems were due to pre-eclampsia, so I was induced. Oliver was born in February 2015, three weeks early, weighing just 5lb 9oz but otherwise beautiful and healthy. My scar healed well and I enjoyed our precious bonding time. I breastfed for four weeks, which is harder than I could ever have imagined, but then we mixed in bottle feeds. Sleeping was another matter. Oliver woke several times a night but Michael and I shared night shifts. Oliver slept a lot in the day, and so by six weeks I was itching to go back to work.
I don’t know why no one ever voiced real disapproval at my decision – not that it would have made a difference. One of my friends said, six weeks after becoming a mother herself, ‘I don’t know how you went back so soon’ – but by six months she was wanting to reclaim her identity. My family never expressed disapproval but then they know that when I make up my mind about something I generally do it. Also I don’t over-think things or feel sorry for myself, so even when I was at my most exhausted, I just got on with it – which didn’t give anyone an opening to question my decision.
Oliver is also such a happy child and I think the time he had with my parents and husband created strong bonds and accustomed him to shared care. In a way, I think it was easier for Oliver that I went back so early, before he was so alert. With my younger son, Ethan, who is now 18 months old, I went back after six months and it was definitely more of a wrench for us. I took longer maternity leave the second time because things were much steadier in the office.
I don’t feel guilty because I make sure every second of time I spend with my children when I’m not at work counts. I don’t have half an eye on the TV or my smartphone. Instead, I do crafts, read stories and play games.
I think that for every woman who thinks I’m crazy to leave my child so soon, there are others who understand my point of view. The fact of the matter is that while all kinds of legal provision exists to ensure women aren’t discriminated against, in reality, a business – or a country, if you’re the Prime Minister of New Zealand, who famously also went back to work after six weeks – doesn’t stop needing attention just because you’re not there