I’m single, but I hate dating apps. I’ve never slept with anyone I’ve met on an app, never even been on a second date with someone from an app. I only go on an online date whenI feel like, ‘Oh my God, am I missing out on something?’ – but more to prove to myself that, no, that’s not how I become attracted to people. I always fancy people that I get to know. I very rarely meet someone and instantly fancy them.
I’m a comedian and I gig a lot, and the last person I slept with is a friend from that world. It’s a very sociable life – like working in a pub. I’ve known him for almost a year and it had never occurred to me that we’d have sex, because he had a girlfriend and that was fine.
There’s a part of your brain where, if you know that it can’t happen, you react differently to someone. But then he broke up with his girlfriend...
A bunch of us went to a comedy gig and then on to a club and he and I were hanging out all night. We didn’t kiss or anything, even at 3am, but it became obvious that we were going to go home together. We got a cab and it was quite weird, because I’ve always regarded him as a mate and I’ve been honest with him about boys that I’m dating. I’ve talked about men and sex with him quite a lot.
We went back to mine and still nothing happened. I think we were both wondering, ‘Are we back here just as pals or what’s going on?’ And then I think I made the move, but I could tell he was waiting for a signal. It was more fun than romantic, a bit of a laugh. We were like, ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe we’ve done that!’ He’s the youngest person I’ve ever slept with – at 26, five years younger than me. I had to rein him in a bit – I thought, ‘You’re not in a porn film!’ I mean, I liked the sex, but there was a lot of unnecessary commentary, and I thought, ‘Oh, you’re only doing that because you’ve seen it in porn.’ Porn has had such a massive influence.
In the morning, it was nice because it wasn’t awkward at all. And a few hours later we did the classic texting to make sure we were both cool. I honestly thought that it was a one-off, but I have a sense now that it could happen again.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to get into anything serious with him because he’s just come out of a relationship. I don’t think he’d want to get straight into another thing, which is totally understandable. The older I get, the more I see timing as important. I used to think, ‘If you like each other, you like each other.’ But now I realise that although you’re the same person, you can be in a different mindset or a different place, and you can want different things. Also, he’s the life and soul of every party and no one wants to date that. He’s a lot of fun as a friend but I don’t think I’d want that 24/7.
I should probably feel pressure to settle down, but I don’t. I’ve got a great group of mates and they’re mostly single, too. I think I’d feel differently if all my friends were in long-term relationships. But, actually, I’m quite happy.
Next week: the woman in a relationship and living with an incurable STI.