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Seven Truths, is a series where different women get in touch and tell us seven truths about their sex lives, totally anonymously. Names and some identifying details have been changed. This week we spoke to Sarah*, 43, who lives in the midlands.
Until I was 43 years old, I had never had an orgasm in my life. Until my twenties I didn't fully understand what an orgasm was, and then it felt too late to admit that I wasn't having one.
I had my children late in life - my son is only eighteen months old. After I had physically recovered from my pregnancy and C-section I knew I wanted my body back, so I decided that I could and would learn to orgasm.
My husband was amazing - he had tried in the early days when we were first dating, but the expectation made me too stressed out, so he just focussed on giving me pleasure even if it wasn't an orgasm.
In my attempts to learn to orgasm I had therapy, bought £200 of sex toys and even visited a specialist in women's orgasms, who claimed he could 'unlock' me.
Everyone told me that if I just relaxed, it would come (no pun intended). Relaxing was almost impossible, but eventually it was true. I built masturbation into my routine and eventually one evening, after a glass of wine and a bath, while my husband watched the kids and I read some erotica, it happened.
Afterwards I was scared that I would never be able to do it again. It's not always easy, but one in four times I can now manage it. I have to be careful not to get obsessed and make my entire sex life about trying to climax.
I haven't come with my husband yet - that's the next goal. I know he's excited about it, but he's very careful not to put on any pressure or expectation. I feel very lucky to be with someone who understands why this is so important and who has supported me in my mission.
A brief history of the world in sex toys...
A Brief History Of The World In Sex Toys
1 of 11Sex Toys through history
Obviously as self-obsessed members of Generation Y, we think we invented everything. But it turns out marital aids (Baby Boomer speak for vibrators) have been doing the rounds since the dawn of time (ish).
2 of 11The First Ever Dildo?
Ok, this may have been a shop sign (for a shop full of dildos perhaps), but this stone penis dates back to Pompeii, meaning this is almost certainly the world’s oldest stone penis. Look how veiny it is. Picture: Science Museum / SSPL
3 of 11French Ivory Dildo
Dating from somewhere between 1701-1800 looks incredibly erm… realistic - check out all the veins on top. What is it with all the veins? Picture: Science Museum / SSPL
4 of 11French Electric Vibrator
Wow, the French were really leading the charge when it came to getting us off. This early 19th Century electric vibrator looks like a serious health and safety hazard - potentially not up to EU Safety Standards? Also, FYI, the vibrator was the fifth home appliance to be electrified, so there you go.Picture: Science Museum / SSPL
5 of 11The Vibra King
This 1922 device looks weirdly like a hairdryer, and in fact was marketed as a scalp massager by the looks of things. Nonetheless, it has all the hallmarks of an excellent marital aid.
6 of 11Japanese Dildo
Produced by the Arita Drug and Rubber Goods Company of Kobe, Japan, in the 1930s this dildo is notable for its’ lack of weirdly realistic veins everywhere, and isn’t that far off the sex toys we know and love today.Picture: Science Museum / SSPL
7 of 11Women’s Aid
This 1930s sex toy was designed to cure female hysteria. Thanks for that guys.Picture: Rex
8 of 11Norelco Massager
Apparently Norelco is a popular brand name used in the US for personal care devices made by Philips So…now you know. Anyone else really liking the vintage aesthetic from this 1969 toy?
9 of 11Hitachi Magic Wand
Apparently known as the ‘Cadillac of Vibrators’, the Hitachi Magic Wand was marketed as a massager from the 1970s onwards, but has become one of the world’s most popular vibrating sex toys (remember that scene in Sex And The City where Samantha goes vibrator shopping in the electronic massager section of a department store? Yep, that).
10 of 11The Rampant Rabbit
So, if you saw Samantha getting on down to her massager in Sex And The City, you’ll definitely remember that episode where Charlotte got addicted to her rampant rabbit and her friends had to perform an intervention. Because it was… as addictive as heroin? She was treating it like a substitute boyfriend? We can’t really remember the subtext, but basically she really, really liked her rabbit. Anyway, nothing says 1990s quite like a Rampant Rabbit and a pair of Buffalo platform trainers, in case you're going to a themed fancy dress party tonight and are yet to decide on a costume. Picture: Advertising Archives
11 of 11The Ora from Lelo
Sex toys don't get more modern than this. The makers describe it as 'the first ever sensual massager to offer long, seductive swirls and intense pulsations on and around the clitoris'. To cut a long story short, it's like getting the best head of your life. Yay for technology.