Seven Truths About My Sex Life: The Fortysomething Who Can Finally Orgasm

Sarah* is 43, and she has only just had her first orgasm.

Seven Truths About My Sex Life

by Rebecca Reid |
Updated on

Seven Truths, is a series where different women get in touch and tell us seven truths about their sex lives, totally anonymously. Names and some identifying details have been changed. This week we spoke to Sarah*, 43, who lives in the midlands.

Until I was 43 years old, I had never had an orgasm in my life. Until my twenties I didn't fully understand what an orgasm was, and then it felt too late to admit that I wasn't having one.

I had my children late in life - my son is only eighteen months old. After I had physically recovered from my pregnancy and C-section I knew I wanted my body back, so I decided that I could and would learn to orgasm.

My husband was amazing - he had tried in the early days when we were first dating, but the expectation made me too stressed out, so he just focussed on giving me pleasure even if it wasn't an orgasm.

In my attempts to learn to orgasm I had therapy, bought £200 of sex toys and even visited a specialist in women's orgasms, who claimed he could 'unlock' me.

Everyone told me that if I just relaxed, it would come (no pun intended). Relaxing was almost impossible, but eventually it was true. I built masturbation into my routine and eventually one evening, after a glass of wine and a bath, while my husband watched the kids and I read some erotica, it happened.

Afterwards I was scared that I would never be able to do it again. It's not always easy, but one in four times I can now manage it. I have to be careful not to get obsessed and make my entire sex life about trying to climax.

I haven't come with my husband yet - that's the next goal. I know he's excited about it, but he's very careful not to put on any pressure or expectation. I feel very lucky to be with someone who understands why this is so important and who has supported me in my mission.

A brief history of the world in sex toys...

Gallery

A Brief History Of The World In Sex Toys

Sex Toys through history1 of 11

Sex Toys through history

Obviously as self-obsessed members of Generation Y, we think we invented everything. But it turns out marital aids (Baby Boomer speak for vibrators) have been doing the rounds since the dawn of time (ish).

The First Ever Dildo?2 of 11

The First Ever Dildo?

Ok, this may have been a shop sign (for a shop full of dildos perhaps), but this stone penis dates back to Pompeii, meaning this is almost certainly the world’s oldest stone penis. Look how veiny it is. Picture: Science Museum / SSPL

French Ivory Dildo3 of 11

French Ivory Dildo

Dating from somewhere between 1701-1800 looks incredibly erm… realistic - check out all the veins on top. What is it with all the veins? Picture: Science Museum / SSPL

French Electric Vibrator4 of 11

French Electric Vibrator

Wow, the French were really leading the charge when it came to getting us off. This early 19th Century electric vibrator looks like a serious health and safety hazard - potentially not up to EU Safety Standards? Also, FYI, the vibrator was the fifth home appliance to be electrified, so there you go.Picture: Science Museum / SSPL

The Vibra King5 of 11

The Vibra King

This 1922 device looks weirdly like a hairdryer, and in fact was marketed as a scalp massager by the looks of things. Nonetheless, it has all the hallmarks of an excellent marital aid.

Japanese Dildo6 of 11

Japanese Dildo

Produced by the Arita Drug and Rubber Goods Company of Kobe, Japan, in the 1930s this dildo is notable for its’ lack of weirdly realistic veins everywhere, and isn’t that far off the sex toys we know and love today.Picture: Science Museum / SSPL

Womenu2019s Aid7 of 11

Women’s Aid

This 1930s sex toy was designed to cure female hysteria. Thanks for that guys.Picture: Rex

Norelco Massager8 of 11

Norelco Massager

Apparently Norelco is a popular brand name used in the US for personal care devices made by Philips So…now you know. Anyone else really liking the vintage aesthetic from this 1969 toy?

Hitachi Magic Wand9 of 11

Hitachi Magic Wand

Apparently known as the ‘Cadillac of Vibrators’, the Hitachi Magic Wand was marketed as a massager from the 1970s onwards, but has become one of the world’s most popular vibrating sex toys (remember that scene in Sex And The City where Samantha goes vibrator shopping in the electronic massager section of a department store? Yep, that).

The Rampant Rabbit10 of 11

The Rampant Rabbit

So, if you saw Samantha getting on down to her massager in Sex And The City, you’ll definitely remember that episode where Charlotte got addicted to her rampant rabbit and her friends had to perform an intervention. Because it was… as addictive as heroin? She was treating it like a substitute boyfriend? We can’t really remember the subtext, but basically she really, really liked her rabbit. Anyway, nothing says 1990s quite like a Rampant Rabbit and a pair of Buffalo platform trainers, in case you're going to a themed fancy dress party tonight and are yet to decide on a costume. Picture: Advertising Archives

The Ora from Lelo11 of 11

The Ora from Lelo

Sex toys don't get more modern than this. The makers describe it as 'the first ever sensual massager to offer long, seductive swirls and intense pulsations on and around the clitoris'. To cut a long story short, it's like getting the best head of your life. Yay for technology.

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