The US midterm elections are happening today and if you’re not American this could be confusing. Let’s be honest, it’s pretty confusing for most Americans, so what are you going to do when everyone’s harping on about it and you can’t tell your Democrats from your own elbow?
Don’t worry, we’ve compiled a cheat sheet ensuring you can sail through dinner parties while dazzling people with your sparkling knowledge.
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Best not get yourself into any v deep conversations though, because while this is a useful need-to-know, it doesn’t go in depth and we’d hate for you to look like an idiot. Also, try not to print out this article and read it while conversing. You should look natural.
First off, WTF is a midterm when it’s at home?! OK so they’re called midterms because they occur slap bang in the middle of the President’s four-year run and basically, it’s where loads of members of the United States Congress are re-elected (including all of the United States House of Representatives and around a third of the seats in the Senate) – so far, so very* House of Cards*.
Here’s the basic terminology:
Senate: They make laws alongside the US House of Representatives and there are 100 members.
US House of Representatives: They make laws alongside the Senate and there are 435 of them. Together the Senate and these guys make up Congress.
The United States: A big country called America where President Barack Obama lives.
Barack Obama: OK look, maybe it’s best you just stay out of all conversations at all parties.
It’s probably a good idea to point out that Congress is made up of Democrats (Obama’s team!) and Republicans (Other people!) who are opposing parties.
So now you’ve nailed what the midterms actually are – here are some intelligent(ish) things you can say to make sure you’re not left out of convos like a big lemon. Because hey, we’ve got lives to lead and can’t be expected to spend our days researching elections that take place halfway around the world.
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‘Do you think the GOP will take the Senate?’
What it means: Will the Republicans gain more seats in the Senate during this election? GOP stands for ‘Grand Old Party’ and is how people who are in the know refer to the Republicans, FYI. If you say this you’ll sound preeeeetty cool.
Why it’s a good thing to say: The Republicans already have a majority in the House Of Representatives, so if they take the Senate then they’ll be able to make Obama cry a lot. One would imagine. It’ll make passing laws that bit more difficult for Barack, because there’ll be loads of Republican’s being like ‘NO. NO OBAMA. WE DON’T WANT YOU TO PASS THAT LAW.’ Yes, that was a patronising explanation, apologies.
It’s also a very close race this year, and isn’t out of the realms of possibility. Say it in the same tone as you’d say, ‘OK, but do you think ebola will actually come to the UK?’ In a sort of ‘Yeah we’ve heard rumours but do you think this will really occur’ kind of way, in case you really need the intonation rammed home.
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**‘It’ll be interesting to see if the Democrats can keep the female vote’ **
What it means: I wonder if women will vote for the Democrats? (Sort of self explanatory, that one.)
Why it’s a good thing to say: The Democrats have usually been quite good with the ladies (not like that), despite the fact that less people in general turn out to vote at the midterms, and mainly because the Republicans have, in the past, said awkward things involving rape.
This year, though, the current Colorado candidate (a Democrat) is going on about how bad abortion is and, subsequently, is having to fight for his place. Plus, the Democrat candidate in Alaska implied that his female Republican counterpart didn’t want to take part in a campaign ad because she didn’t like the way she looks.
It’s really important for the Democrats to get women voting because Obama got in thanks to his wizardlike ability to get people voting who didn’t ordinarily vote. This might not happen now. So the attention has been turned to women.
‘I’m no hippie, but I think it’s important that the EPA be allowed to continue pushing forward.’
What it means: The EPA is the Environmental Protection Agency, and part of Obama’s vow to address climate change. If the Republicans get a majority in the Senate, they’ll want to stick their oar in (ie mess about with this campaign).
Why it’s a good thing to say: You need to kick things off with a casual ‘I’m no hippie’, but this is a key part of the midterm fight and will make you look well-informed. Especially if you throw in ‘Mitch McConnell’, who is leading the opposition to reducing coal emissions. If anything, it’s a good debate-starter because you’ll probably end up arguing about whether climate change is an important thing to invest in, which anyone can wade in on – therefore moving it away from the midterms and away from you looking like a moron.
Basically, the Republicans are against regulating coal emissions because of the impact this will have on coal miners and their families. If someone raises this point, you can say sagely ‘Oh, McConnell gives a shit about the families – they’re just trying to demonise Obama, like they attempted to with Obamacare. The EPA will set a precedent internationally, showing that climate change is something worth paying extra for which can only be a good thing.’
Then take a sip of wine. Don’t high-five yourself.
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‘Well personally I think there aren’t nearly enough fans involved this year’
What it means: It’s referring to #fangate where the Republican governor of Florida refused to go on stage for a debate because his opposition had a fan. Charlie Crist, the opposition, goes everywhere with a little fan because he’s scared of being sweaty. It was ludicrous.
Why it’s a good thing to say: Just say it in passing as you’re leaving the room. It doesn’t really mean anything but it shows you’ve heard of the fan thing.
‘It’s all just a build-up to the presidential race, let’s be honest.’
What it means: Er, that this is all just a build-up to the presidential race in 2016.
Why it’s a good thing to say: Basically, if the Republicans win a majority, the stage is set for a Republican president. Or, at least, a good hearty balls-out ’16 battle. If the Democrats win, then the Republicans be on the back foot.
Another comment to throw in before you dramatically leave the conversation to get a drink. Like the champion you are.
‘Ugh I’ve been talking about the midterms ALL DAY and hearing about them for weeks, can we change the subject?’
What it means: I’m out of my depth and I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s stop now. Anyone watching X Factor?
Why it’s a good thing to say: It implies you’ve been talking about it constantly, and are so sick of it. You’ve got loads of great opinions but c’mon guys, it’s your downtime now and you want to talk about fun stuff for once in your life. A great get-out clause if ever there was one.
Picture: Getty
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.