Oh the murky world of online dating. We’ve all been there. Possibly more than once; possibly on several sites. But when it comes to online dating we all act a little… um… differently? to how the dating world goes down IRL. Here's how:
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1. Wait for him to make a move? Pah
Oh hai there, Mrs Confident. IRL it takes two (LARGE) white wines to get you to approach a guy. Online you’re all over their inboxes, bringing the sexy online chat and jokes about tiger selfies.
2. It's time to share ALL of your secrets
Ah, the internet, a cosy wall of comfort from behind which you can tell strangers your inner most secrets. Online chat can get weird and intimate, especially when the anonymity makes you think it’s okay to tell them about that time you had a mental break down aged 17.
3. Disappear
Goodbye decent human being, hello disappearing bitch. Despite being pretty nice IRL online you’ve become the adult version of 14-year-old guy who never text you back. Not cool, FYI, internet men are real people too you know.
4. Talk too much about your ex-boyfriends
Aka sharing all your secrets, Part 2. It started when he asked how long you’d been single, it ended with a blow-by-blow of all your past relationships, which you are like, TOTALLY ovah, obvs.
**5. Lie about where you live… **
Yeah you’re happy to tell people you live in Highbury with your two housemates. You just won’t be mentioning the fact that those two housemates are your Mum… and her boyfriend.
**6. And your hobbies… **
There is just no way to make, ‘I like getting really drunk… all the time,’ sound sexy and alluring, OK?
7. And your job…
So a lot of lying happens. Whatever.
8. Open with a “sexy “ gambit
One for the guys really (although women can be online perverts, too) because no one has ever used: ‘Hi, I’d like to percolate your vulva’ as a chat-up line in a pub before. Not least because it doesn’t actually make sense.
9. Send naked Snapchats of your bum
At some point the guy might ask for more pictures which we all know to mean, ‘show me what you look like naked’. IRL you’d be terrified your naked boobs would end up winging their way round your social circle but he doesn’t know your friends so… er… why not?
10. Find yourself with some virtual pen friends
You meet a guy at a house party and you’re pretty sad he hasn’t asked you out after three days, however, you’ve been chatting to ‘RuggedRyan’* for three months and you’re totes okay with that.
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You probably shouldn’t ever chat to someone who has chosen the handle RuggedRyan. Even if he is really rugged.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.