The cult of ‘busy’ is making women sick and miserable, nutritional biochemist Dr Libby Weaver claimed last week. She may have a point, says Helen Russell
I’ve got a confession to make: I said ‘no’ to writing this piece, because I was too busy rushing around to write about being too busy, rushing around. ‘Busy’ has been my modus operandi for as long as I can remember, so when I read last week that there’s a new book about how Rushing Woman’s Syndrome messes with your hormones, I nodded along.
Because when I hit my thirties, my lifestyle started to cause me big problems. Up until a couple of years ago, I had a shiny high-powered job in London, but I was stressed all the time and suffering from insomnia, skin breakouts and, most distressingly, unexplained infertility. My husband and I had been trying for a baby for years, but it never happened.
I’d tried the fertility medication clomid, ovarian stimulation, IUI, acupuncture, reflexology, hypnosis, cutting out wine/coffee/fun, even – but nothing worked.
Every time I rocked up at hospital for scans, the prognosis was the same: ‘You’re not pregnant, you’re stressed!’ Studies show that high levels of the stress hormone cortisol have an impact on reproductive functions, so I knew that if I wanted a family as well as a career, something had to change.
When my other half was offered a job in Denmark, this alternative-life possibility was dangled in front of us. Rationalising that if I couldn’t learn to de-stress in the country with the best work-life balance in the world I really was in trouble, we took the plunge. Adjusting to a different lifestyle was challenging, and it was a struggle to redefine my ‘worth’ beyond a fancy job title and a life of great shoes and posh coffees. But I did it. I walked my dog on the beach daily, worked from home, and logged off every evening. And then, after six months of living Danishly, I found out that I was, miraculously, pregnant. I gavebirth to a flame-haired mini Viking in 2014 and nothing’s been the same since.
Now, I have three children aged threeand under. I’m currently being puked on by Twin #1 while Twin #2 drinks milk and defecates simultaneously (we’re working on ‘table manners’). I’m less stressed but, spoiler alert: I still rush (see ‘three children’). And there’s the rub. It’s not necessarily rushing that messes with our minds: it’s letting ourselves get het up about it. So, the last thing busy women need is a new syndrome to worry about.
To reverse the ‘chemical cascade’ of Rushing Woman’s Syndrome, Weaver recommends being ‘more feminine’ and learning to ‘soften your gaze’. Which just makes me want to hurl my coffee against a wall. Not that coffee’s allowed: another nugget in Weaver’s book is to make a pot of herbal tea and think of this as a ‘special occasion’. I don’t care how busy you are, a pot of herbal tea is not a special occasion. She also advises more yoga and less wine.I fear she and I would not be friends.
As an alternative, I propose the Viking approach. Eat (plenty of protein and veg but also cake); drink (wine, coffee, you name it); and stay merry, by prioritising friends and family – one of the biggest indicators of happiness and a decent work-life balance. It worked for me. These days, I’m no less ambitious, but I do have perspective. And by fretting less about all the reasons why I may not have had babies, I learned to have a life, get on in life, and then the babies arrived.
Helen Russell’s new book, Leap Year: How To Make Big Decisions, Be More Resilient And Change Your Life For Good, is out now (£14.88, Two Roads)
Photography: Jonas Husballe
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