There’s one rule that always seems to apply when it comes to weddings. If you can’t spot the guest who is acting inappropriately, then it’s probably you. Blame the heady mix of love (or loneliness), painful shoes, alcohol and those giant glasses that come with the photo booth. It’s enough to make any guest lose their grasp of respectable, adult behaviour.
The last wedding I went to had a mural of a ‘love tree’ with an ink pad underneath, so that every guest could leave ‘leaf fingerprints’. Sweet idea? Until one of the male guests upgraded to an ink print of his genitals. I know the penis in question; it belongs to an accountant who is usually the most straight-laced guy I know.
So perhaps it's no surprise that one bride-and-groom-to-be in America have pre-empted the matrimonial madness by sending out what is possibly the best ever wedding invitation ever, which has gone viral since it was posted on Reddit.
The three-page invite includes a long list of tick boxes, which allows guests to outline their meal requirements, gifting options, but also predict their inappropriate behaviour.
‘Will show up drunk and will quickly get much drunker,’ is one tick box, alongside, ‘Can’t wait to hook up with a groomsmen in the men’s room then spend the rest of the wedding crying at the bar without explanation.’
The wedding invitation also addressed the trick subject of ex-iquette, with the option to tick, ‘I’m the brides ex so plan to spend most of the reception staring at both of you with a plaintive look in my eyes.’
As a fan of the 50-in-an-envelope option, I’m a particular fan of the tickboxes in the git section. ‘Can’t wait to re-gift the shit out of that hideous duvet cover you gave me at my wedding,’ or, ‘I’m making you a crappy craft item that, because I made it, we all have to pretend is somewhere more special than if I’d bought you a gift you really wanted.’
And when it gets to meal requirements, there is the standard options for ‘beef’ or ‘chicken’, but there’s also a tick box for, ‘I have so many food allergies that you’ll wonder how I’m still alive let alone how I could be expected to be accommodated at a massive catering event.’
It’s unclear how the guests who received the invitation responded but the invitation divided Reddit, with some applauding the honesty, and others saying that guests should have refused to attend out of principle.
Oh, come on you po-faced people. We all know that weddings aren’t as white as we make them out to be. Why do you think Four Weddings and a Funeral was such a hit? Because it showed the real side of the ceremony, the bit that’s usually edited out of the video afterwards. (AKA, the fun bit.) All this wedding invitation does is pre-empt it.
Follow Amy Molloy on Twitter @amy_molloy
Picture: Rosie Kliskey
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.