In a world of inspirational memes and #girlpost Instagram posts, it’s easy to forget that we all get stuck at work, or feel like we can’t find a way forward at times. Sue Unerman is the Chief Transformation Officer at MediaCom and Kathryn Jacob OBE is the Chief Executive at Pearl and Dean. Together they wrote The Glass Wall: Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business. Each week answer your work questions with pragmatic, honest advice that’s proven to work…
I’ve just come back to work as a new mum and it horrendous, I feel under so much pressure, I’m not sleeping and to be honest I have a little cry most days because I feel so overwhelmed. Should I pack in my job? My husband seems actually keen that I do, he says we’ll save money on childcare, and anyway it’s all too much for me.
KJ: My heart goes out to you. The first return to work after having a baby is intimidating. It is natural that you are feeling conflicted because you have made a big change. Did you use your keeping in touch days before you came back, or have you just returned “cold”? Could you write down what you are finding so difficult and address those issues sequentially rather than feeling overwhelmed? It might be that having a plan of attack over time will release the pressure that you are under to perform at work.
SU: You’re very upset, and it is understandable. You say that your husband is “keen that you give up work”, but is that the case, or is he just keen for you to be happier and looking for a solution? And to be honest, it takes a proper superwoman (as in a cartoon fictional character) to be entirely happy at this stage of returning to work. But as you’ll already know, things don’t stay the same, and I think you should be cautious about making a big decision about your job right now. Is some of the issue that all of the childcare work and decisions are on your shoulders? Could it be that you need a discussion with your husband about work and life balance, and please bear in mind that actually your time for yourself is very important. If every moment is spent either caring for your undoubtedly adorable baby, or at work, then you haven’t got time to breathe, or think, or actually look after yourself. I’m sure your husband wants to help you, maybe you need to rejig the balance of your time with his help.
KJ: The temptation when you return to work is to assume that everything is the same status quo as it was before you left for mat leave. That you’re expected to be omnipresent and over-achieving (in home and at work). Perfect baby, perfect career, perfect mum, perfect wife, looking immaculate, and performing to some fictional standard. In reality, most businesses are conscious of the pressures that new motherhood puts on their team members and they are more sympathetic than you might feel at the moment. In my company we have lots of working mothers and I would rather have flexible working from them than 5 days from some average bloke. Be kind to yourself. Go to your boss, ask them what their priorities are and work on those. As Sue often says “you can have it all, you just can’t do it all.” Delegate, de-prioritise, think about putting yourself at the forefront.
SU: And then delegate even more! One of the most important lessons for me in coming back from mat leave was that my team were so willing to take on more things than I had previously thought. My delegation wasn’t just good for me getting home on time for childcare but actually good for the whole team.
KJ: In our book, The Glass wall, success strategies for women at work and businesses that mean business we have a story of a woman experiencing something similar to you. She described returning to work as being analogous to having studied French until you were 16, and never using it after that, but being expected to conduct her entire life in the language after she went back from mat leave, with no English speakers around. She was understanding maybe one word in every five, getting the gist, but losing the conversation. In the end, she decided that she would just concentrate on doing some things very well and that the rest would come in time.
SU: Focus really can help you now. What are the most important priorities for you at home and at work and in terms of looking after yourself? I used to take a day’s holiday occasionally and go on my own to a spa for some of the day, I kept the childcare arrangement as usual and took a bit of time for me. At work, don’t sweat the small stuff. Ask yourself what the fastest way is to get to the best outcome? Are there shortcuts? Are there processes or products that you are re-inventing where you could “steal with pride” from existing work? How productive are your meetings? There’s millions of results if you search online for “boring meetings” and there’s a good reason for it. If you have to spend 20 minutes in each hour settling whether Jim has had a problem with his bathroom extension, if Angie focusses on appendix item 105c to the point of exhaustion and Frank satisfies his need to banter about football, then of course your time will get stretched. Politely and firmly make sure that your time at work doesn’t get wasted. And when you are home, spend quality time with your baby. Not on the vacuum cleaning, not on picking up toys, not on cooking your husband dinner.
KJ: A structured approach to blending your work and life balance is what’s needed now. It won’t just take care of itself like before. But don’t make a really big decision about quitting until you’ve given this approach some time to work.
Sue and Kathryn’s book The Glass Wall, Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business is available from amazon.
Have you got a question you’d like Sue and Kathryn to answer? Email your questions to feedback@graziamagazine.co.uk. Please note, we will be unable to respond to every single question we receive, and will not be able to respond to any questions personally