There’s a general perception that lust is really a teenage thing. I used to think that too. But suddenly, sex is integral to my life again. I’m about nine months into a relationship. We have four children between us, as we’ve both had a previous marriage. There’s a lot going on – we use a spreadsheet to find time to spend together – but our sex life is a priority.
For me, that’s a huge change. I was in my twenties when I had my daughter and got married. A few years in, my husband started working away a lot and, to be honest, that was almost a relief. The relationship was breaking down. I felt I had to have three massive gins before I had sex with him. When we finally split up, I was glad not to have to think about sex any more. It was months before it even crossed my mind again. So my current relationship was a surprise. I met my boyfriend at work. There had always been a mutual respect and then we were thrown together on a project. On a night out, I was trashed, totally trashed, and I said, ‘I think I’d like to have sex with you.’
It was one of those things that, once I verbalised it, all I could think of was sex and him. When we started sleeping together, he told me he could have sex every day – and what surprised me most is how I have felt that too. We’re quite voracious. We’ve had to fit our relationship around our families. At the beginning, for six months, I didn’t want to introduce my daughter to him, in case it didn’t work out. He’d come over after her bedtime and we wouldn’t have sex until we were sure she was asleep. It’s better now that they’ve been introduced and get on well. Even so, we have to be quiet and wear pyjamas to bed. If she’s at her dad’s, it’s like, yes, we can sleep naked!
The last time we had sex was last night. My daughter was at her dad’s and after work my boyfriend and I went to the cinema. We were feeling loved up and on a high after watching Rocketman. We got in, had a glass of wine and started fooling around in the kitchen. Very quickly, we went to the bedroom, no cleaning of teeth or anything... then we did the things that work for us. He goes down on me, then we have sex with me on all fours and him behind. Usually that’s how I orgasm: three out of four times, I orgasm within five to ten minutes. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen – if I’ve drunk too much wine or I’m just not feeling it.
Sex with him has been like hitting a reset button. We can both say, ‘ is is what I like, this is what I want.’ In my twenties, I was trying to present a version of what a man might like and hoping that fitted in. Now, I feel honest and confident. Going through a divorce makes yourealise you don’t have time to waste – you don’t have to pretend.
If you’d like to talk to us about your last time – be it funny, uplifting, surprising or mundane – contact us at thelastime@graziamagazine.co.uk