‘In so many ways I feel like I’m self-sufficient and independent but at the same time I’m relying on my parents. It’s demoralising,’ says Sarah Monroe*, a 27-year old journalist who has been living in London for the last 2 and a half years. Sarah, like many other 20 somethings living in this city (and beyond) is an adult child, relying on her parents for financial help. While in her case, they help with ‘extra money to cover unexpected bills, house deposits, agency fees, travel, my phone bill and they buy me clothes for work sometimes’ many others find themselves relying on their parents for everyday essential. Jemma Baker is 22, ‘in the past couple of months, I’ve started to pay my own rent but my wage only just covers that so my parents give me money for travel expenses, food and bills as well’ she tells me.
Adult children, millennials who are still in some way dependent on their parents, are an increasingly common demographic. The government’s most recent housing survey found that the number of first-time home buyers who wouldn’t have been able to get on the ladder without help from their parents has risen sharply in recent years. Last year 27% first time homes were bought with help from relatives. To put that in perspective, the figure was 21% 20 years ago. The total number of people buying home has also fallen by a third, despite initiatives like Help to Buy. And it’s not just buying a house that parents are helping younger generations to do. The lender of last resort, aka Bank of Mum and Dad, is now also helping one in twenty under 34s to pay their rent, according to Shelter.
As a 25 year-old woman living in the city and trying to ‘make it’, I’ve found myself relying on the parental purse for a bit of cash here and there (read: helping to pay for my stupidly expensive rent). At first, after graduating, my friends and I were on a level playing field now it seems that while they’ve become less reliant on the safety cushion of their parents bank accounts I find myself quickly skipping past Independent Woman whenever it comes on on my iTunes playlist. This has led to me feeling inadequate and, quite honestly, embarrassed when I compare myself to my friends, a feeling that Jemma shares. ‘It’s been really playing on my mind recently as I do want to be independent and financially responsible for myself’ she tells me. However, as much as she might want to provide for herself it’s not that simple, ‘with a low paying job and sky high rent, it’s virtually impossible. I often find it embarrassing and tend to downplay the amount I loan off of them to my friends - it can be difficult to see my peers paying their own way. If I had the means to fund myself, then I definitely would.’
Sarah echoes these sentiments, finding it all ‘disheartening’ despite the fact that her parents are more than willing to help. ‘My parents definitely see it as their ‘duty’ and a ‘product of the times’, they also say they just want to help me start a life for myself and will do anything to support me in my career choices.’ Georgina Bendall-Crawley, who is 25 and lives in East Northamptonshire with her parents has said, ‘when I was younger, I thought that by 25, I would have it all figured out. I thought I would be completely independent and there are some times when it can be quite depressing to realise that it hasn’t turned out this way. Mostly, I’m just extremely grateful that my parents are able and willing to support me.’ Like Sarah, my parents have never expressed any disappointment that I’m not quite able to provide for myself just yet. In fact, they regularly profess that they are more than happy to help out with some dollar to ensure that I’m keeping my head above water but it still irks me. It's particularly galling when I think about the fact that at my age, my parents were earning well in their respective careers and had bought a property without the help of relatives. I could barely get a mortgage for a parking space in Zone 8.
The situation has also forced me to seriously consider a career change, a move away from something which I not only love but have always wanted to pursue towards a different path which would allow me to support myself financially.
Lucy Douglas, a 29 year-old who still occasionally relies on the parental safety net says: ‘This is something I’ve been very reflective on recently. My parents were both doctors, so we always had plenty of money growing up. The emphasis at home was to pick a career that would make me happy, not one that would make me wealthy and this way of thinking was something that I was grateful for when I was younger, but recently, I’ve been more conscious that being financially secure goes a long way towards happiness and being a freelance journalist in London doesn’t necessarily equal financial security. I would like to be able to offer my children (when I have them) the same support and security that my parents were able to give me…I am starting to understand that in order to do that I may need to consider a career change to something a little more well paid.’
The reality is that those of us who do receive help well into our twenties are privileged. Not everybody’s parents can help them. Young adults, those aged 20 to 34, in the UK are more likely to be sharing a home with their parents than any time since 1996. Last year around one in four young adults still lived at home.
Joanne* a 28 year-old who has been in employment since she graduated from university is seriously contemplating a move home. ‘When I graduated I was determined to move out as soon as possible. I lasted about 6 months and then began renting. It’s now 6 years later, I have no savings and, while my earnings aren’t really going up, my rent definitely is. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to ask for help because my parents are separated and I definitely don’t want to move home but I might not have another option. I feel like I have failed somehow.’
Is there a solution to this situation? For reasonably privileged middle class millennials when does falling back on parental support cease to become a viable option? And for those whose parents can’t offer them handouts is living at home in your late 20s and early 30s really any good for anyone? It’s not possible for everyone to move home and it’s not always realistic to switch up your career and find something more well paid. Indeed, a survey released just this week revealed that half of 2015 graduates, the first cohort to pay higher fees of £9,000 per year, are living with their parents. We’re in danger of witnessing an entire generation fail to grow up and fly the nest, all the while feeling pretty bloody crappy about it.
*Some names have been changed
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.