Do you know what the worst thing about getting a round in at the pub is? That point when you do the mental arithmetic at the bar (because there’s no better mental arithmetic practice than having to think about every penny you’re spending, all the freaking time) and realise that of the seven people you’re buying drinks for, four have said they’re leaving after this one.
Which means you’re £16 out before you’ve even started. And that doesn’t include the two packets of crisps and bowl of peanuts you’ve been asked to buy (how do you always end up getting the crisps round?). Could be worse, at least you’re not the one standing at the bar at 9.30pm when someone suddenly shouts, ‘Anyone else fancy nachos?’
According to the Money Advice Service, our rising levels of national debt are, in no small part, down to the demands of our social life. From pressure to get a round in, to pressure to go out in the first place when we can’t afford it (and then spend twice as much as we intended to once we’re there), our social obligations leave us with very little control over our outgoings.
Hannah, a 27-year-old writer can relate: ‘When I’m out, I’m always the one who buys a round because I feel so aware that I’m mega poor and I don’t want anyone to think I’m tight-fisted. Then I get drunk and find myself thinking, “Hey, I’m so poor all the time, one night of letting my hair down won't kill me!” and get another round for everyone. Except it’s not just one night, this happens every Friday.
‘Weekends cripple me and it’s not because I’m buying clothes or going away. I never go on holiday and I never buy clothes that aren’t from charity shops or Primark because I’m always catching up/budgeting furiously after last Friday when I bought six people Jägerbombs. It’s really debilitating, especially if you live in London where a round usually costs you £30.’
MAS money expert Jane Symonds advocates the Just Say No approach to social spending: ‘I’d urge anyone in debt due to their social spending to take action now to avoid getting any further into the red and instead work at clearing it. You'd be surprised at how empowering saying no can feel when you see how healthy your bank balance looks, and you can spend the money on things you really value or need.’
But let’s face it, if it was that easy, we’d be dong it, wouldn’t we? According to a separate report by Nick Charter, professor of behavioural sciences at Warwick University, the judgements we make about the quality of our own lives is based on how we compare ourselves to other people. So comparing how much we spend on a night out to our wealthier friend, or even how much we spend on a holiday, is a natural extension of that.
‘For many consumer goods, keeping up with the Joneses may be all we care about,’ Professor Charter told the Guardian.
‘If we all spend more on weddings, fast cars or designer handbags, then, in comparative terms, no one feels any happier. This raises the danger that such spending is self-defeating from the point of view of a society as a whole,’
Lauren, a 24-year-old civil servant finds herself frequently in the red, no matter how much she tries to police her spending. ‘You always end up spending more than you want to because you don’t want to miss out. You could always suggest somewhere cheaper, but you don’t really want to be that person, do you? And even if you stay at home and invite people over, you start to feel like you’ve got to buy food from Waitrose or whatever, and suddenly that’s another £50 gone.’
So what’s the answer? Just staying in isn’t going to work – sitting at home seething with jealousy and FOMO doesn’t help anyone (and in our experience is a short cut to a soul-balming but expensive visit to ASOS instead).
Social scientist Jenni Trent Hughes suggests having a sharp word with yourself – and a quiet word with your friends. ‘It's really easy to be swayed by peer pressure, become carried away in the moment and spend money that the next day you wish you still had in your bank account.
‘If you're honest and clear with a friend about why you can’t afford to spend money on something and you still find yourself being put under pressure, it’s perhaps time to have a quiet word with them or even rethink the friendship – real friends wouldn’t pressure you to do something you really can’t afford.’
Follow Rebecca on Twitter @rebecca_hol
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.