Well done guys, congratulations. Give yourself a massive fuck off pat on the back. Apparently, we're such a nation of alcoholics that we're also succeeding in getting the animals of Great Britain hammered right along with us.
How you might ask? How can we be so irresponsible with our drinking that we're managing to create a nation of sozzled squirrels, catatonic cats and drunken dogs? Well, according to a new study from the University of the East Midlands, it's due to the fact that we're now drinking such a large quantity of alcohol, the enzymes in our waste aren't being properly broken down and, through 'evaporation' and 'transpiration' (remember GCSE Geography guys? What a gas) alcohol is finding it's way into our rainwater, which in turn, ends up in puddles and who drinks from puddles you guys? Cats, dogs, squirrels and rabbits. Cue a nation of hammered woodland and domestic animals.
'It's an unfortunate side effect of our national obsession with drinking' said Professor Carl Benson, who headed up the study. 'Over the past year I've spoken to many animal shelters and vetinary hospitals who all reported a rise in animals being admitted with symptoms that included unsteadiness on their feet, heightened mewling and the inability to remember simple things.'
Much like yourself on a Saturday night then. The animals most likely to be affected by these phenomenons that we're terming 'booze puddles' (#science) are of course wild animals who use puddles as their prime source of hydration, but that's not to say your pet cat or dog is immune. 'Next time you take your dog for a walk, take along a bottle of water and a plastic bowl for him to drink from instead of puddles.' Warns Carl. 'Obviously it's harder to keep tabs on what liquids your cats are consuming but take care to monitor them after long spells of time spent outside and have a large bowl of tap water ready for them to drink when they return if needed.'
So, there you have it. Hope you're all proud of yourselves. Booze Britain is now an umbrella term to describe not only ourselves, but also our furry four-legged friends. See you down the pub Fluffy, mine's a double.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.