Listen mate. You work really soddin’ hard. Like really really. All that tax-calculating, ruffle-y-shirt ironing, social-chasing with a sprinkle of bread-crumbling. Facebook status liking. Watching enough of The OA so you can still add your shiny pennies’ worth in the work kitchen, whilst whipping up something plant-based with a multitude of colors for your Instagram story, so your followers still know you’re alive. Oh and to show you have your shit together. Nutri bullet whirling, cashew paste perfecting, courgette crisis mourning... doing your share of the house chores to stop passive-aggressive WhatsApp messages. Replying to WhatsApp messages full stop. Downward-facing-dogging to calm your nerves (lol) and ringing your nan. Not at the same time. Changing your bed sheets. Helping your best mate get over her shitty ex. Putting the bins out. Shaving. Keeping up with the Kardashians (literally) and taking a quiz to see what kind of bread you are. Reading a chapter something that will make you think. Reading a chapter something that won’t.
OH AND THAT EIGHT OR SO HOURS OF A SLOG YOU DO DAY IN DAY OUT DAY IN DAY OUT TILL YOU DIE, BECAUSE WE WON’T REACH RETIREMENT 'TILL WE ARE 108 BABY!*
*I’m being wildly pessimistic, but I’m probably not far off.
Don’t tell anyone we told you (SHHH!) but maaaaaybe you need a ‘sick day’ to recharge. We don’t want to put ideas into your head, but perhaps you need a day of exclusively watching Suits in your porridge-stained jammies, where you only leave your bed to make yourself beige, delicious and smothered with nutella. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But shhhhhh remember!!!
Take our quiz to decide whether you should take a sneaky day off work.
DISCLAIMER: if you a) get the sack b) get caught out c) stupidly post a picture of yourself getting sloshy in Berlin - we are not to blame. But you’ll be fine, so shh!!!
We've given you the all-clear for operation 'reclaiming the sick day'? Here's how to pull it off like a god damn pro.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.