Going to the doctor is always a bit awkward, even if you don't mind dropping trou and letting a stranger look up your vagina with a telescope (I'm not a doctor, I don't know the lingo). Once, I went to a doctor with a carpet, because I was transporting it for a friend, and he said 'What can I help you with?' and I said 'I've got a carpet attached to me' and he looked like he wanted to melt in a pool of weariness. It's difficult to judge the tone, and you always want to know what they're thinking, so I spoke to a cool young doctor and asked her all those questions that go through your mind when they're silently writing out a prescription and you're worrying about the fact that you guessed when they asked you about your last period.
**Do you Google your symptoms all the time and freak yourself out? **
I definitely used to. In my first two years, everything I learnt about, I was convinced I had. It was the same with some of my friends - one would go to her GP surgery because she was convinced she had everything you could imagine. Thankfully, you kind of get over it, and realise that you can't actually have all these things - sometimes symptoms can be so broad and mean so many things,so if you feel a bit of pain somewhere or you feel really awful, it's probably just a cold. Everything's always a cold.
**What's the most common thing people come in with? **
People constantly come in with coughs and colds and feeling generally unwell. They always say 'Oh this can't be normal!' but obviously you do the examination and it turns out it's a cold. Maybe people's threshold for illness has gone down, or maybe people don't realise how horrible a cold can be. When you're young and on the go all the time not getting much sleep, when it hits you realise it can be quite bad - but there's no cure, you've just got to rest it off. And it can take a little while.
When you have to do the gross stuff, is it ever awkward?
Yeah! It's kind of awkward when you first start, but doctors don't judge people at all. It's a cliche, but we have seen absolutely everything. If you do something embarrassing, someone has always done something way more embarrassing; for example, sometimes we have to but catheters in people when they can't go to the toilet themselves, and we were putting a catheter in an old man who was really unwell and he got an erection. You have to be like 'We'll just come back later!' and give them a few minutes, but I've seen so many lady parts and so many boy parts that literally nothing surprises you because we all have the same bits.
**What's it actually like when you're looking at a wang/vag? **
The first few times it's a bit odd, but then you've suddenly seen a million of them and it's not even a thing anymore. You've got to do small chat, because you don't want any awkward silences as it'll make them feel uncomfortable - we're fine, but I know it can be odd for the patient, as I've felt a bit odd when I've gone to my GP and seen what it's like from the other side. If we're doing something someone hasn't ever had done before, you have to completely explain the situation and talk to them while you're doing it to keep them at ease. If I have to do a rectal exam, I say 'Oh I'm just inserting my finger now' and stuff like that so they don't get a shock. You have certain things you have to say, and other times you can just have a general chat. But nobody should be scared of coming in to get themselves examined - we want all our patients to feel totally comfortable!
Who is more nervous getting naked - men or women?
Men don't mind at all, which is a bit weird. They're like 'go ahead!', but women are more nervous. The other day we had a woman who had a breast exam, she was in her forties and she said 'Oh I'm so sorry about my saggy boobs!' and we were obviously like 'Oh my GOD, don't be so silly!' Another lady who had a smear said to me 'Oh I hope this isn't the worst thing you've ever seen' which was so sad! Of course it's not! We see so many naked bodies, we've all got the same parts. We're all just humans.
Are patients ever really mean to you?
Yeah you get that a lot of the time, actually. Especially in A&E when people are drunk. It's really bad because the press constantly say how much strain the NHS is under and it's one thing reading about it, but another thing seeing it - one of my friends had to work 15 hours non stop with no break for water. When people are kept waiting, and they're frightened, they can be really horrible - I hate it when patients are really demanding, because we are getting an amazing free service. Yes, you've had to wait, but we're all working as hard as we can. People sometimes really shout and swear, so you get to a point where you might have to get the consultant. Sometimes people are just stressed, and they need a rant so sitting down and listening to them usually dissolves any tension.
**Can you watch medical dramas or do they drive you mad? **
I don't actually watch that many, which is a rarity because my mates love them, but from what I've seen it's so different from the reality. In Holby City and other medical shows, people are gossiping and stood round for ages which definitely doesn't happen because you're usually rushing everywhere. They also take so long doing everything, to develop storylines, but it it's a hell of a lot quicker - you're in, and then you're out, you don't spend so long with patients as TV would have you believe.
**Do you get upset when people die? **
The first time one of the patients died, it was distressing because doctors are so matter of fact about it. They have to be. Obviously, when talking to the family, they are very respectful and sensitive but doctor to doctor, it's just business. The first time I did a week in intensive care, that was awful. Loads of car crashes, lots of people my age and I don't know how these doctors are doing it day in day out. Most of the time, though, it's people getting better. Which is happier. Obviously you do see a lot of sad things, so when you're on your break you can talk to other doctors who know what you're going through. Sometimes have a little cry.
Are you afraid of dying?
I've seen some really nice deaths, as bizarre as that sounds, like an old person, when it was expected, with their family around them. But there's the horrendous ones where it's young people, or it's really sudden. It's really quite humbling studying medicine, because you realise how lucky you are to be walking around, healthy. There's no certainty in life, but we always think we're going to live till 109 and you never know. In a way it's a good thing, because being in the hospital makes you appreciate life more.
What happens if you fancy one of your patients?
Oh my god there are really strict laws. You've got to keep those feelings hidden inside! Deep, deep down! You'd get into so much trouble!
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Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM
Picture: Stephanie Gonot
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.