Functioning alcoholic? You can blame your parents for that one. According to a report yesterday from Wine Intelligence, parents have a ‘significant influence’ when it comes to introducing their kids to wine.
Erm, yeah. You bet your sweet ass we can vouch for that one. Look up the definition of ‘lushes’ in the dictionary and you’ll find a nice picture of Bob and Sandra from New Year’s Eve 1997, faces red as the wine in the glasses you couldn’t pry out of their hands if you had a crowbar. Aw, those guys.
Here’s the pros and cons of drinking with your parents.
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PRO You’ll find out stuff from their past
Did you know your mum once snuck on The Jam’s tour bus and your dad got arrested for ‘smoking a doobie’ outside Paddington station in 1978? Gnarly, dudes! Turns out they might have been pretty darn cool, after all. Although this does mean that if they were once as cool as you, you’ll almost definitely end up exactly like them by the time you’re their age. Gardener’s Question Time followed by Antiques Roadshow it is.
CON You’ll find out stuff from their past
While it’s super great finding out about your parents' wild and youthful antics (minus any sex stuff – too much guys, too much), it’s not all that great finding out that Aunty Millie once cheated on Uncle Roger with a waiter in Greece 17 years ago. You now spend Christmas dinners staring at your cousin Tim hunting for clues to his potential Mediterranean heritage.
PRO It’ll be nice wine
A nice Chateauneuf-du-Pape makes a nice change from the £4.99 Blossom Hill currently residing in your fridge. Makes for less of a hangover, too.
CON It’ll be nice wine
Except of course, it doesn’t. When money’s no object and the nice wine’s a-flowin’ the reasons for not drinking it suddenly seem few and far between. Cue a midnight sing-off to Billy Bragg followed by a good hour vomiting up said Chateauneuf-du-Pape and the following day nursing the hangover of the century.
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PRO You won’t waste the whole of the next day in bed
What is it about old people and their inability to stay in bed past the crack of dawn? Did they just hit 40 and forget about the joys of lounging around until past 1pm?
Instead, get ready to be woken around 7am by the dulcet tones of John Humphrys on the Today show booming through the house and your dad shouting something explicit through your bedroom door about what a lazy bastard you are.
Get up, and for once make the most of the day - it’ll be your longest Saturday in living history.
**CON **You won’t waste the whole of the next day in bed
Getting up at 7 is all well and good when you went to bed at midnight, fresh-faced and booze-free, but after the 17 bottles you guys downed last night, a day spent traipsing around in your parents' wake as they conquer Waitrose, the local garden centre and a National Trust property while nursing a hangover is a punishment worse than watching both seasons of Call The Midwife back-to-back.
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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
Picture: Ada Hamza
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.