Did Covid Kill The Art Of Conversation?

You’re happy the world has opened up again; of course you are. It’s been wonderful to reconnect with your beloved family and friends. Only… it’s A Lot. And sometimes, you’re not sure how to be. You feel rusty: your train of thought falters and your opening gambits have all the finesse of a toddler starting nursery. As for your tone, it seems to swing from unexpected soul-baring to a false jollity you’re not sure you even feel. Maybe you recognise someone in these post-pan character types. Maybe you even are one…

Awkward Alison

She loved lockdown, and really can’t get back into the swing of this ‘other people’ thing. Try as she might to listen to her friends, she can’t stop talking over them, interjecting her opinion on Bennifer (are they still together? Should she know?) too early in a bid to avoid any awkward pauses. How do conversations work again? Maybe there’s a course. Alison loves courses. She’s already done a Danish course and is about to sign up to Banana Bread 101: The Definitive What Not To Do. What she really needs is a course on how to handle Zoom. But then, if she ever did figure out how to switch on her computer mic, she’d be bereft of those useful conversational gambits, ‘Is it on yet?’ and ‘Can you hear me?’ And then she really wouldn’t have anything to say at all.

Tips: Don’t overthink your conversations: hard, after being cooped up at home, but try to remember that everyone feels similarly at sea. Even the confident people are probably winging it. As for tech: everyone struggles with it sometimes, and will judge you far less harshly than you’re probably judging yourself.

Crying Cate

No judgement, obviously – the last 18 months have been tough on all of us – but Cate is struggling more than most. Her partner’s a dick, her boss is a narcissist and her job has never felt more challenging, much as she loves it. And then her mum’s been ill: not Covid, but worrying nonetheless. No doubt about it: Cate has a lot on her plate, and for whatever reason, has a tendency to start crying as soon as the pudding is served. Third G&T? She’s gone. Much as her friends sympathise, and try to comfort, it doesn’t seem to help. Is she unhappier than those who bottle it up, or just more unguarded? Crying is good for you, right?

Tips: If you feel embarrassed about your crying episodes, and want to avoid them, it might be worth considering the role of alcohol – a depressant that can make everything feel worse. If you find crying cathartic, carry on: nobody should feel guilty about their tears, and good friends will always allow you space to emote. Just remember they may be struggling too, whether or not they share it with you.

Pandemic Priya

She knows the pandemic is over – well, it’s not, obviously, but at least in the sense that she’s able to go out and socialise – and she knows that there are finally lots of other exciting things to talk about. But for some reason, she’s stuck in a loop. At dinner the other night, she found herself asking which testing companies her friends had used for their PCRs: hardly cheery bantz. And does anyone really need to know that she just bought a three-pack of pretty face masks from Boden? Surely she has better small talk to offer than conjecturing about the efficacy of the AstraZeneca jab. Yet whenever she does veer off on to another topic, she worries it’s equally dull. No one needs to hear another eulogy on Schitt’s Creek.

Tips: Be kind to yourself. There’s still a huge appetite for talking about the pandemic: it’s a shared global experience of unprecedented magnitude. But if you’re really struck for convo, there’s no shame in prepping some topics before you go out.

Angry Ava

She was always a passionate believer in something: chairperson of the debating team, social justice warrior, never not arguing with several strangers at once on Twitter. But lately, Ava’s strident opinions on everything from politics to pharma have given way to something new – an anger that’s never far from the surface. Post-pandemic, everyone’s a c*nt, from dog walkers to joggers to anti-vaxxers to second homeowners to the Government. And while friends agree with her on some issues, they’re increasingly having to bite their tongue on others, for fear of starting WW3.

Tips: It’s great to have opinions, but are you arguing for the sake of it? If you’re angry about everything, your friends may worry you’re angry at them, too. We all need to vent, but if you’re taking up all the emotional bandwidth, your friendship group could feel short-changed. And also exhausted. Anger is wearing when it’s relentless. Um, have you tried boxing as a release? Running? Swimming? Exercise raises endorphins, mitigates stress and can help with anger management. Better still, stay off Twitter.

Home Improvement Holly

Holly and her partner, Krish, were one of those lucky couples who remained fiscally unaffected by the pandemic, having eschewed arty jobs for careers in finance. This has placed them in the enviable position of being able to get their Victorian terrace renovated, a project so exciting that it apparently warrants its own Instagram account. No matter that their interior design tastes run to the pedestrian: @HolandKrishAtNumber49 is faithfully updated on the regular. As are their friends. Going for a drink with Holly? You’d better book a big table, for it’ll be covered in fabric swatches and laminate samples before you can say ‘DIY SOS’. There are only so many things that you can say about a sofa, surely? Apparently not: it’s closing time, and she’s still banging on about the Squisharoo.

Tips: Are you talking about home improvements because delving into the emotional stuff feels scary? If so, maybe examine whether you’re using them as a displacement activity. And if you really just genuinely love talking about interiors, fab: it’s great to have an interest. Just make sure your friends get their chance to speak, too. After all, friendship is a two-way street.