It's no secret that dating apps are totally changing the way we date – there's even now proof that 50% of couples will have met online by 2031. But just because online dating is no longer the reserve of people who are unable to date elsewhere for whatever reason – like them being a massive creep – doesn’t mean that the creeps have entirely disappeared. Plus, they can always use elaborate hoaxing – or catfishing – to pretend they're a lot less creepy than they actually are.
Proof that they still exist comes in the form of news that at least three people have been raped as a result of using dating apps Tinder, Grindr and eHarmony, according to *The Metro – *who gathered the information from police forces around the UK. But we say ‘at least’ because so few rapes are reported in the first place, so it's bound to be more. Add to that the fact that only a quarter of police forces from England and Wales who were asked about the rape reporting in reference to dating apps actually responded to the Freedom Of Information request and it's clear we might be facing a much more murky reality.
But are you surprised by the figures? There is a presumption that if you discover you have mutual friends with a potential date they’ve got to be sort of safe. But then again, is having mutual friends with someone really beneficial? Not to set alarm bells ringing, but when 90 per cent of people who report rape have been attacked someone that they know, having friends in common isn’t that comforting. Plus, if you have about 30 friends in common but you’ve still never actually met, and none of your friends have thought to introduce you, it’s worth considering that there maybe a reason why.
Aside from the three reports of rape, 11 incidents of sexual assault were reported. Evidence, sadly, that it's worth thinking twice before you give out your details to anyone who asks for them online. Especially when you think about the fact that more often than not you’re using a location-based app which tracks where you might be at any time. Take, for instance, Olivia, 26, who felt unsafe in her neighbourhood after matching with an overzealous guy.
‘I met a guy on Tinder and chatted to him for ages and he seemed really normal, so we swapped numbers. I then realised his WhatsApp picture wasn't the same as his Tinder pictures,' she told The Debrief. ‘I questioned him about it and it turned out he'd used fake pictures, so I was like “Yeah, bye!”. But then he started bombarding me with pictures of himself. ‘He also sent me loads of pictures of a child, who he claimed was his little sister, saying, "I've told her all about you; you have to meet her." He also told me all this stuff about how I would have fitted in with his family and how he thought I was “the one”. He sent streams and streams of messages despite me not replying.
‘When I logged onto Tinder again, he sent me messages accusing me of being a slut and looking for other men, asking why I had been so cruel in ditching him. I had to delete my account for ages after that because I was really scared of him and I knew he lived close by.’
This sort of thing is happening to women – and men – on a daily basis. In one internet forum, dubbed ‘Creepy PMs’, users share screengrabs and stories of the creeps they’ve been approached by online or via text. We checked it out one day this week and found it had 35 accounts of people having interactions with people who they’re not quite convinced by.
Scare stories range from misplaced ‘banter’ in the form of stupid sexualised puns to a man detailing – via an unsolicited message on OkCupid – his fantasy of how he wants to tie a woman up, dress her as a cat, force her to eat cat food and engage in enough ass-to-mouth with her ‘to make you taste what you had for dinner last night’. He then says he could then 'cap things off' by jamming his cock 'down your throat until you vomited cat food up your nose.’
Earlier this year, Clare’s Law was introduced to make it possible for women to discover whether a partner has a history of domestic violence. Before the internet dating phenomenon – aside from lonely heart adverts – you would date via good, solid connections. However, when people started dating online they made connections with those who cannot be vouched for. Clare’s Law – introduced after Clare Wood was strangled and set on fire by the boyfriend she met online – allows people in relationships be able to request information from police to find out if their partner has a history of domestic violence.
But with dating now happening via apps at such speed, it’s much tougher to keep up with who could be dangerous. So what can we do to weed out the creeps?
‘Domestic violence affects hundreds of thousands of women, with an average of two women being killed every week in England and Wales. It can happen in any type of relationship, including ones that begin online,’ Polly Neate, chief executive of Women’s Aid told *The Debrief. *Neate also outlined some early warning signs to watch out for when internet dating. ‘Perpetrators of domestic violence will use behaviours which gain and maintain control, including presenting themselves as the perfect partner at the beginning of the relationship. Online dating can help an abuser to do this, as you only know them through their profile and messages, which is information they fully control. Warning signs to look out for can include contacting you multiple times a day; checking up on what you are doing and who you are with; agreeing with everything you say; knowing things you didn’t tell them; or becoming demanding or controlling and asking why you haven’t been online. Trust your instincts – if you feel uncomfortable, it’s probably for a good reason.’
If you have any concerns, contact Women's Aid at womensaid.org.uk.
** Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson**
Picture: Ada Hamza
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.