In a world of inspirational memes and #girlpost Instagram posts, it’s easy to forget that we all get stuck at work, or feel like we can’t find a way forward at times. Sue Unerman is the Chief Transformation Officer at MediaCom and Kathryn Jacob OBE is the Chief Executive at Pearl and Dean. Together they wrote The Glass Wall: Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business. Each week answer your work questions with pragmatic, honest advice that’s proven to work…
Q: I speak up when I see something unfair, but I think its damaging my career what should I do?
KJ: when you say “I speak up” do you mean that you think through a response that’s appropriate or do you just instinctively say what is on your mind. Because as you might guess there is a time and a place and a tone of voice that will actually get the changes you want. Always reacting on the spur of the moment will not.
SU: I’m glad you speak up, as there is a tendency to just let things go too frequently in the office, and to keep the peace regardless of unfairness. However, earning yourself a reputation as the one who always reacts immediately and perhaps untactfully will just mean that you don’t have the impact that you should.
KJ: Can you instead think about creating structured opportunities for feedback. For instance, when you’re having a chat with your boss and they ask you how things are going do the feedback sandwich ie positive thing, thing that concerns you, way forward. That way you don’t come across as negative, you’ve created a conversation about how things can be addressed and your boss is now aware that there is a situation that needs addressing. We’ve said this before but your boss isn’t a mind reader nor involved in day to day situations. You need to alert them to issues that might disrupt the culture. Sue you’re really good at giving clear feedback in a way that helps move situations or ideas forward how do you do that?
SU: Have perspective. That’s the most important thing to try and achieve. All too often we will only see situations from our own viewpoint. Well of course that is only natural. However if you are help to resolve a situation it is vital to take into account everyone else’s view point too. Not to necessarily endorse those points of view, but to at least consider if there is another way to deal with the situation. For example I once spoke up on behalf of a colleague who felt that she had been put down in a meeting by someone more senior than herself. It was clear however that the individual involved had not intended a put down, and in fact had felt that he was being helpful by challenging the point of view. Only by getting both of them to understand how each other had felt was it possible to move the situation on. He thought she was being over sensitive. She thought he was intimidating. I thought that they were both trying to improve the work and good intentions on both sides but they were failing to communicate. I spoke to both of them, gave them the altenative points of view, and they were able to move on from the situation. If I had reacted at the time and said something in the original meeting then I couldn’t have considered this aspect of what was going on. You do need to take a breath and take time to step back. Sometimes I think of it as a helicopter view. Hover above, take note of what everyone is feeling, and respond neutrally rather than piling in on one person’s side.
KJ: Sometimes you can phrase things in a way that is pointed but not confrontational. I have had cause to say to someone, do you know if I didn’t know you better I would think that you had been really rude. Giving the feedback in the more palatable form. I have been in a meeting where someone has been frank to the point of rudeness. Diffusing by making light of it was a better way of dealing with this somewhat overbearing behaviour. A rather English way some people would say. If I’d said what I really thought then the meeting would have turned out very differently and less productively.
SU: There’s one story in our book, The Glass Wall, Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business, that springs to mind when I consider your situation. There are those who believe that the office is closer to the jungle than it looks. Sometimes you do need to assert your point of view very actively. In this case in particular a woman felt very strongly that her idea for a pitch should not have been excluded from the work her team were pulling together. No one had argued against her idea, they just kept leaving it out when the work was edited. In the end she asked outright: “are you leaving this out”. The straight answer to her straight question was “yes we are”. So she threw what she herself described as a tantrum. She stood up, slammed her papers on the table and told them that there was no chance of winning without her idea and walked out. In fact she swept out of the room dramatically. A couple of hours later she was asked to come back in and to help incorporate the idea. If she threw a tantrum every week, this would never work. But sometimes, occasionally, if you are passionate about a point of view, then let it out. It shows that you care. But be careful. If you are constantly in public personally upset about things then you’ll just be ignored or dismissed. Pick your moments
Sue and Kathryn’s book The Glass Wall, Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business is available from amazon.
Have you got a question you’d like Sue and Kathryn to answer? Email your questions to feedback@graziamagazine.co.uk. Please note, we will be unable to respond to every single question we receive, and will not be able to respond to any questions personally