The Last Time I Had Sex: The Woman Who’s Only Had One Sexual Partner

'You’re taught that it’s not normal to have open or fluid relationships, but I’m trying to unlearn that'

last time I had sex

by As told to Lynn Enright |
Updated on

Juliet, a lawyer, is 29 and lives in Bristol*

I’ve only ever had sex with one person. I was 14 when we first met and he was 17 – we were in the same youth group. We got together properly two years later, in 2006, and we’ve been together ever since. He’s the first guy I did anything sexual with, and we lost our virginities to each other. Looking back and thinking about the age gap, I wonder, ‘Ooh, was that OK?’ But it was, we’re still a couple and we’re so happy.

After school, we were in a long-distance relationship for almost 10 years. He went off to university for three years, then I went for six, and we were living in different parts of the UK. Initially, when he left for university, he said that he didn’t want to try to maintain a long-distance relationship and we agreed not to be together – but we never really broke up. It always felt completely right to be with each other. After 10 of years living apart, we moved in together.

I think it’s pretty unusual that we are still with the person with whom we had our first sexual experiences – but the way our sex life has progressed is probably like any other relationship. At the start, it’s all so exciting; now it’s what you’d expect from people who co-habit and have been together for 13 years. We have sex roughly once every two weeks.

I think our sex life has probably changed as society has become more open about feminism and female desire, too. In the last five years, I’ve become more con dent talking about what I want and don’t want. For example, now I wouldn’t think twice about asking for oral sex.

There’s definitely sometimes a sense of FOMO, though. I actually don’t think you’re supposed to have just one sexual partner your whole life; I’m almost embarrassed by it – and, yes, there can be frustration as I’ve only ever been with him. We have sex in a particular way and I have no idea how that compares to anyone else.

We generally have a routine in the bedroom. We have a ‘bag of tricks’ – tried and tested moves – that we use, and we tend to stick to those things because they work for us. Having said that, the last time we had sex, it was actually quite an event! I had got a new bra, which is always a good starting point for us. We started off having sex standing up, before he went down on me, and I came about three times. Then, we had sex again and I came again. After that, we had anal sex, with me on top, which we’d never tried before.

I have thought about opening up the relationship. When I was younger, I used to think I wouldn’t be able to deal with him being with another girl – but I don’t feel like that any more. You’re taught that it’s not normal to have open or fluid relationships, but I’m trying to unlearn that. So I wouldn’t take non-monogamy off the table right now, although I’m not sure what form it would take. It feels really hot when we change it up and do things that are new, even after 13 years.

*name has been changed

Next Week: The 22-year-old who's terrified of getting pregnant following a traumatic abortion.

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