A lot of online dating profiles these days are photo-based. On phone dating apps, you have a couple of photos, and a really minimal ‘About Me’ section which, if it’s not left blank, tends to be limited to a BlackBerry Pin code, an Instagram user name or something silly like, ‘Beer, travel, fun’ or, ‘I’m just me lol’.
But cross over to the world of desktop dating sites and you have a lot more text to wade through. These people are taking online dating a lot more seriously, investing so much in it that they’ll set aside time to search for potential dates online each evening in lieu of going out and meeting people,instead of just swiping about on Tinder at the pub when their friend has gone to the toilet.
That’s presumably why one guy put down 123 commandments for those women who might be thinking about messaging him. Reading like the sex rider of a particularly fussy world-famous musician (more Mariah Carey than Mick Jagger), it details exactly who shouldn’t message this man.
Some of the stipulations we can get down with, as the user, spotted by Tumblr devotee Emily after he messaged her (she must be perfect, then!) reels off the conditions under which someone shouldn’t message him:
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you tell random people you pass on the street to ‘smile’, thinking this suggestion will improve their day, of which you are entirely oblivious
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you engage in gratuitous verbal hyperbole on a regular basis
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you’re a holocaust denier
Others on his list we’ll guilty admit to imposing ourselves, at least secretly, when trying to filter out suitable IRL dates from people we’ve encountered online. Or when we’re on that awkward date with them as they faff about in the entrance of a bar putting their coat on:
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your photos are more than two years old
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you spend more than you make
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you talk over people
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you stand in entrances and exits to check for something in your bag/on your phone
But then there are some that are downright weird/mean/stupid:
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bacon is important to you
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you put your bag on the seat on the bus/streetcar/subway
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you consider yourself a happy person
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you dye, cut, and style your hair according to your bad moods
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you write missed connections for people with whom you’ve never spoken (says the man with 123 pre-date stipulations on his OkCupid profile)
And then there are the ones we find most offensive – the mansplaining ones – where the user seems to detest women who do things that are largely expected of women:
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you think you deserve chivalry, rather than earn it, through your own polite demeanour
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you subject yourself to television/film/media that purports a different body image than you believe to be average, thereby angering yourself
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your main profile photo is you in your bikini
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you have enough tattoos – or, such poorly placed tattoos (chest pieces etc) that your body will essentially never be nude again
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you own a name brand purse or handbag (burberry, louis vutton [sic], etc), or its equivalent knock off [sic]
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you wear uncomfortable clothing and/or shoes for the sake of feminine style
Maybe if he feels that strongly about the fact that women are encouraged to do certain things in order to play into the patriarchy, he wouldn’t have made such a detailed, specific wish list for women to adhere to. We didn’t even do that badly in his ‘test’ – dropping about 20 points – but we’re still not down with him thinking bossing women about like that before they’ve even message each other is a good idea.
Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.